There will be no birthday party this Saturday, June 4

If anyone wants to hang out, that's fine, but I haven't even begun to plan any sort of party. I'm too emotionally weary to fool with it.

Wow...I hate dubs

I just watched the three clips they've got up over at kyokaramaoh.com, and I gotta say...ew.

It's just not the same without everyone yelling "Heika!" all the time.

God (?) Save Our Subtitles! ;P

How does a song sound like a Japanese high school student?

There seem to be certain techniques that recur often enough in anime that they can be used to quickly and easily express ideas. This goes for sound effects, facial expressions, and even descriptors used in speech (such as "seishun", in phrases like "seishun da!", which, when translated, seems a little weird. "It's passionate youth!" just isn't something one would normally say in English). So I'm not sure why I'm surprised to find it in music, too.

"Yuuri's Theme" from Kyou Kara Maou, rendered in piano and strings, evokes both busy city life and a sort of calm--you might imagine the scene from Full Metal Panic? Fumoffu in which Sousuke and Kaname are rushing by bicycle to get back to school, and they take a shortcut down a narrow side street and end up gliding alongside seemingly endless rice paddies, the sky bright blue overhead, and everything still, all the world's beauty captured in that fleeting instant. It's high school. It's a world filled with activity and promise, and the briefest of moments that remind you of comfort and home. (The full title of the piece is "Seishun ~Yuuri's Theme~".)

At first I was disappointed by this piece, compared to the beauty and complexity of some of the others. "Kaisou", with its mournful piano; "Seisou ~Conrad's Theme~", and its skilled, folksy, comforting yet somehow haunting guitar; "Hisou", with piano trills like falling tears; "Tsuioku", with strings and bells swelling to bring the promise of goodness in the world. (Those titles roughly translate to "Reminiscence", "Refreshing", "Tragic", and "Recollection", respectively.)

I originally thought of "Tsuioku" as being more Yuuri's theme than "Seishun", because that's the music that plays when he's calm and confident and secure, when he's being a leader and making tough choices based on love. But there is something comforting about "Seishun" that I can appreciate now. Musically, it's set apart from the other pieces--it, and others that involve Yuuri (like "Seigi" ["Justice"], the self-parody cowboy/feudal hero music played when he "punishes" someone), invokes Japan more than the other pieces, which are written in a more European/classical style. "Kourin" ("Advent"), the music of the power of the Maou, is unlike any of the other pieces, for good reason.

Ultimately, all of these pieces bring out different parts of Yuuri...and, given that, I can understand why "Seishun" is labeled as his theme. "Seishun" is who he is in his heart. It's his core, it's his personality, it's what made him right to be the Maou. "Tsuioku" is how he expresses his core. "Kourin" is his raw power and potential. And "Seigi" is how his personality deals with having that much power--with self-deprecating flamboyance. He knows who he is--a "wimp", in Wolfram's words--and he has trouble taking himself, and the idea of being a demon king, seriously.

Which is, of course, yet another reason why he is such a great ruler.

This is just sick

7-year-old suspected of beating infant sister to death

Unnatural

I just heard that the baby of a cousin of an old friend's husband has died. He was delivered early due to fear of infection, but the antibiotics didn't save him.

It makes me scared.

Earlier today I got a strange phone call from my endocrinologist's office, saying that my FSH was high and that I needed to go back for more bloodwork, and that then we would "decide what to do". This was after my doctor had already called me to tell me that my FSH was "still a little high", but was trending lower than it had been in January and February. I became too hopeful after hearing that, I guess.

36 is still high, I guess.

What if I get pregnant, and there is something wrong with my eggs, and the child isn't fully formed, and it dies?

I don't want that. I don't want that.

It's unnatural, what I'm doing. Replacing hormones. Trying to kickstart my ovaries. It's unnatural and selfish. And now I wonder if it will bring anything but pain.

悲壮 (track 13)

I went to bed a little after 7 pm, because my solution to everything is to go to bed. I slept until Sean came to bed, not too long ago I imagine, and then I laid awake listening to the eerie harmony of cicadasong for awhile.

Now I am just listening to bittersweet melodies from Kyou Kara Maou, and wondering about myself.

It's one of those days where I feel capable of nothing.

As I was sitting on a bench at Riverwalk, along the river, a dozen or so people in shorts and tank tops jogged up and started doing huge stepping exercises on the small stage right next to me. It was a fitness class of some sort. My heart isn't really in talking about it, but it was strange and interesting, so I thought I would at least mention it.

Bugs kept getting on me and my lunch today.

This morning, I felt very timid. I didn't feel comfortable with coming in. I didn't feel as if I were up to doing anything.

I ended up helping with a mockup for my supervisor's presentation today, and I did fine. I got to use Exacto knives. Whee. I felt a lot happier about that before I was given two projects, one huge one that will "keep me busy for awhile" and one that is due today. Obviously I can't give any details on any of this, but I wanted to explain two things. The first is that I know I can do these things, if I can just calm down and work through them and figure out what I need to do. The second is that I am scared of messing up, and I just want to go home.

Lunch didn't really help, so I cut it short and came back to the office.

Ack!

The lower left area of my monitor seems to be discoloring...it's pale and brown, like the ghost of a coffee stain. I don't even drink coffee!

I've had the monitor for a few years, so I suppose it could be age, but I'm also wondering if having the external hard drive and the Zip drive over there, to the left and below the monitor, is causing it somehow. (I'd suggest the speaker, too, but the right side of my monitor isn't turning brown...)

Right now it's barely noticeable (I only saw it because I was visiting a blog that is pretty much all white background and I had my Favorites closed), but now that I've spotted it, it's going to annoy the hell out of me...

Question

Will Gauln/Gauron/whatever his name is supposed to be ever die?

(I suppose it wouldn't be as fun if he did...but damn that man's resilient o_o)

He rites gud

Luke reviews a lot of stuff. Typically when he writes about music, I either skip it or skim it. I couldn't be more clueless about music if I tried. I just listen to stuff.

But when he talks about books or movies, I pay attention, because I do know a little bit about those things. And today, he presents us with one of the most thoroughly enjoyable film reviews I've ever read, about a movie I've never heard of.

The only film genre more formulaic than romantic comedies is Hong Kong action. Every time out it's the honorable cops versus the craven triads [or honorable triads and craven cops]. At some point we are introduced to one or more soulless, doting, ineffectual female characters who exist only as testaments to the hero's startling animal magnetism. There are always double and triple crosses ending in bloody showdowns. In Hong Kong action, bullets are drawn to foreheads like East Asian Mafiosi to the heroin trade.

There's often a mystery to unravel or a game of cat and mouse. Those films lacking in mystery generally compensate with a revenge plot and absurd amounts of blood--gushing out of foreheads split in two with precise gunplay.

For better and for worse, Infernal Affairs [Hong Kong action titles also generally sound like soft core porn] finds a way to incorporate each and every on of these things into a single film.

Must...see...Infernal Affairs.

Kids, and outer space: two stories each

Kid stories!

Via Drudge, the results of some research into childhood obesity, and ways to curtail it. I think those tips could help adults, too, but I am definitely on board with the idea that habits learned in adolescence tend to extend into adulthood. (My adolescence was spent snacking as often as possible, and expecting dessert after every dinner. While I was not an overweight child, I didn't quite lose all my baby fat in high school, and when I quit kung fu, I totally ballooned.)

Via Slashdot, news that too much homework can be counterproductive. This is a class issue more than anything, apparently:

Upper-income parents, who tend to have closer communication with the school and with teachers, are better able to assist their children with homework. But in poorer households -- often headed by single parents, parents with comparatively little education or, in some nations, parents held back by language barriers -- homework may not be cordially received, especially by parents of small children.

"An unintended consequence may be that those children who need extra work and drill the most are the ones least likely to get it. Increasing homework loads is likely to aggravate tensions within the family, thereby generating more inequality and eroding the quality of overall education," Baker said.

Wow, horrible in-text sponsored links. Yet another intrusive, aggravating form of advertising. If I ever get to a point where I want to include ads on this site (something I don't take lightly; I find ads horribly annoying in general), remind me not to do that.

An interesting tidbit from the article:

During the early 1980s, many U.S. schools and teachers ramped up their homework assignments, at least to younger children, in reaction to intense media focus on studies comparing the mediocre performance of American students to the industriousness of their Japanese counterparts. At the same time, ironically, Japanese educators were attempting to reduce the amount of homework given to their students and allow them more leisure from the rigors of schooling. Neither the American nor the Japanese educational reform of the 1980s seems to have affected general achievement levels in either country, according to the book.

Pretty interesting stuff, overall. I have to say that I think less homework is better. It leaves room for parents to teach in their own way, and for kids to have social lives. I agree that rather than tacking on more and more homework, school systems should instead be looking into better teaching methods.

And now for the space stories!

Funding has been promised for moon and Mars missions. I continue to have the same reaction to this kind of news. I think space is great, and I think we should go there. But at the same time, I can't be reasonably sure that outer space projects are the best investment of our funds.

Meanwhile, somebody sold Neil Armstrong's hair! (Now that was a sensationalist headline worthy of MSN.)

Turmoil

I'm feeling a lot of stress right now. A relationship has ended. I'm jobless. I have projects out the wazoo, and no idea of how I'm going to organize and prioritize them (my latest desperate attempt involves using Outlook's Tasks).

So maybe that's why, when I did something that I thought was right, I started bawling as if I had just made a horrible sacrifice.

I did give something up. But it wasn't something I needed. It was something I wanted. I mean, I really wanted it. I wasn't expecting the offer, but then there it was.

I turned it down.

Do I think this makes me noble? Am I looking for praise? Did I really turn it down out of the desire to keep my would-be benefactor in the black? Or did I do it because I wanted to impress her with my selflessness?

Am I a good person? Do I do the right thing, in general? Why are there problems I can't solve in a way that makes everyone happy?

I wish I was wise.

The 10 most dangerous books

Sean pointed me to this list of the "Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Centuries", and to a thread on Tech Report discussing the list. (They get into some interesting debates over there.)

I feel bad that I have never actually read any of the books on the main list or on the "Honorable Mention" list. This reminds me of my early Internet chatting days, when someone told me I should read Ayn Rand. I wrote on a post-it, "Read Ayn Rand", and put the post-it in a pile of papers. Never did actually read anything. :>

I think I need to get a library card and start rectifying my lack of culture and historical knowledge.

Okay, Life of Riley...I give up.

I kept checking and checking the site, waiting for LoR to resume. And when it did, I was so excited. I was one of the loyal followers who knew it would return. I was there to welcome it back with open arms.

And now...it's doing nothing. Again.

Well, screw it. I may check back in a few months, out of curiosity, but it's out of my bookmarks. I'm tired of loading the same entry every day. I've been doing that since April 18.

LoR, the same as any other webcomic I haven't donated to, doesn't owe me anything. But I don't owe them anything, either. ;P

(On the other hand, Gossamer Commons has become very cool, and I'm enjoying it quite a bit. The beginning is best read all at once, but now it's settled into a groove that fits the three-a-week schedule. I'm also getting used to the art--even if I still think Sonata looks like a hooker :X)

Blogging for moolah

People are apparently making really good money writing corporate blogs. (Via Slashdot.) I felt at first like this was just selling out...but then, what kind of professional writing isn't done for money? At least these people get to write every day, to practice their style, and they get paid for it. The trick seems to be to find a position that doesn't conflict with your personal morals/ethics...that way you can feel good both about the fact that you are getting paid to write, and about what you are writing.

I think I should look into this further.