Childhoods

It sounds like there's a lot more to this story. I'm looking forward to seeing what V posts tomorrow.

Wisdom

"I'm ready for something new and exciting in my life," I said, posing dramatically. "And you have to help me."

"Go to bed," Sean replied.

Well...fair enough.

Saturday

Wow, I have a lot of time

I got up at 5 am today because I needed to update some videos from last night's football coverage for work. I was thinking I would just go back to bed after that and sleep away my weekend like usual, but once I was finished working (it barely took any time at all) I really wasn't tired anymore. So I stayed up and cooked Sean some bacon, sunny-side-up eggs, and grits.

I have finally learned how to cook bacon properly! It's only taken me, what, 15 years? What I've been doing wrong all this time is getting impatient and turning the heat up too high. Also, apparently it's best to start with a cold pan? I learned that tip over at Cooking for Engineers.

Sean thought the bacon was awesome. So I was very pleased. I also ate two pieces and liked them a lot better than the oh-so-crispy bacon from the other day.

After eating breakfast, Sean went to bed. I had cleaned the kitchen while I was cooking, so I fiddled around online a little, but ultimately decided to get my walk over with before it got too hot. The sun was already rising.

Then it occurred to me: why not go biking instead? It's the weekend and there's plenty of time. So I detached the bike from its stand, carted it out to the car, popped a wheel off, and slid it into the back. Let me say that it is much easier to get the bike in there once the front wheel is removed!

I went up to the Greeneway. I figured that would be best since it's a solid surface and quite shaded, which would both help me since I hadn't biked in quite some time. I also intended to go to work after biking and see about rearranging my office, and the Greeneway is quite close by, whereas the Canal entrance I like to bike from is on the complete opposite side of town.

I decided to start from the Rapids parking/Martintown Road entrance, where the bridge is, because I honestly didn't know how far I was going to be able to make it, and I really wanted to be able to reach a goal, like the Pisgah Road end of the Greeneway. Getting the bike out of the car and reassembled was a breeze, and then I was off.

And wow. I knew it was going to be bad, but I was still unprepared for how winded I felt right at the beginning. I countered this by slowing down. Back in the day I would try to stay above 8 mph (12 was optimal); today I averaged about 6.4. But I was able to make it all the way to the end, and I only stopped to rest once in the middle.

I was right about the shade being beneficial. It actually felt like a nice, cool spring morning. It apparently rained last night, which probably helped (and added to the "springy" feel). The upshot is that I wasn't uncomfortable at all, especially when I was moving. It felt like there was a cool breeze.

I also had my Outspokin' water bottle with me and I made sure to stay hydrated, drinking lots of water when I stopped for a break and when I got to the end.

The ride back was what I'd been waiting for. As longtime readers and Greeneway frequenters know, it's downhill. It's not hard to get to 12mph downhill, which I did. I also rode no-handed the entire way, save for when I had to cross the street or pass people.

I may be out of shape, but I can still ride a bicycle no-handed, damn it! :D

Riding no-handed forced me to pedal pretty much the entire time in order to better keep my balance, so while the workout on the way back obviously wasn't as high-intensity as the way up, it wasn't just me coasting along, either.

It did feel great, though--the cool air whipping around me, my arms at my sides, my feet casually pushing the pedals.

In all I rode 3.2 miles, which sounds really pathetic to me, but it's a first step. I was pretty pathetic back when I originally started biking, too, and I got to where I was pretty awesome after awhile. It'll come back.

I did go to the office after that, and I did pull my desk away from the wall, but then I noticed some cables going into my video encoder that don't exist on the other wall. I'll have to look into what those are and see if it's possible to have them on the other side of the room. I have no problem with running two CAT 5 cables across the floor and lying a big rug over the cords, which I will have to do in order to have enough internet connections at my desk, but I don't want to get ridiculous with it.

My office is large, but the shape is problematic, as I've mentioned before. Ultimately I want to be able to sit in a corner with my back to the wall so people aren't constantly behind me, but it seems like it's going to be very difficult to achieve that.

After seeing the extra wires, I decided to leave things as they were until I had consulted with the IT guy. So I shoved the desk back into position and headed home.

I got here at around 9 o'clock. 9 o'clock! Look at everything I've done today, and all way before I would be going into work on a weekday. Today I don't have work...so what am I going to fill all those extra hours with?

Well, I'm thinking about finally driving out to see the dam. I'm also considering going to Lincolnton.

For now, though, I'm going to stay in the cool and rest a bit, eat a bowl of cereal, and watch some Touch, which I started watching yet again the other day.

Never mind

So I got involved writing a critique of a poem Jered wrote (actually I gave him the poem as a "homework assignment"), and now the sun's like way up and I'm sure it's hot as hell out there. I think what I'm going to do is just stay in, work on lunches and dinner, maybe watch some anime, and try to go over to the Y on my lunch break. ;P

Tonight's going to be interesting; I'm supposed to do some work for my regular job at around 11:30pm. This will happen every Friday for the rest of the football season. Originally it wasn't going to be me doing it, but I'm a control freak and ended up volunteering, since it involves using my work computer.

Normally, of course, I would be asleep at that time. So we'll see how this goes!

4 o'clock fluke

On Wednesday I woke up at 4 o'clock. I was able to cook breakfast and dinner, as well as get in a workout and do some freelance work as I'd done the day before.

I tried to do the same yesterday, because I planned to go to my freelance job earlier and I wanted to get some sort of workout in before that, but I ended up getting up at 5:30, which didn't seem like enough time to work out properly and still manage to feed Sean. I did go to the grocery store instead, though, and on my way back I got Sean a couple of breakfast biscuits from McDonald's. But I barely had time to put anything away, I didn't cook that night's dinner, I was only able to pack a lunch because there were still some leftovers from Wednesday, and the kitchen was a mess.

This morning I woke up even later, at 6:30. I called the guy I'm doing freelance for and told him I couldn't make it today. The purpose of getting up early was to get in a workout, get my meals prepared, and spend time with Sean, not to have time for a second job. While I will appreciate the extra income, the other things take priority. I'm still easing into this, as evidenced by my inability to get up ridiculously early on a consistent basis, but I don't want to let the important things slide.

Disenhearteningly (which is apparently not a word), I awoke with that same raspiness (also not a word) in my chest and throat. Lovely.

(I'm enjoying Firefox's spell-checker. But come on, I think it's past time for spellchecker to be all one word.)

I've been feeling pretty good this week, overall.

I did get the lab results back from the doctor, and I'll go and talk with him about them on Tuesday. My cholesterol is high. My thyroid is borderline. The endocrinologist called me back to ask that I add a complete metabolic profile to the labs she requested, which I will be having drawn sometime next month (I have to start the progesterone on the 1st, and then have the labs done on day 2 or 3 of my period).

In response to the cholesterol I am trying to figure out ways to include more veggies in my diet, and less meats. It turns out I can steam frozen veggies in the microwave at work pretty easily, so if nothing else I can always grab a bag from the freezer to put in my lunch. I'd love to eat more salad, but it seems like when I buy bagged salads they go bad before I eat them. Now I'm considering the tried and true head of lettuce method.

Today's lunch is going to be a BLT, I think, because I have leftover bacon from Wednesday and I just bought tomatoes. No lettuce though...

As far as my productivity, I feel that it's up, but there are still things I need to deal with, like getting the desk in the second bedroom disassembled so a work friend can take it, dealing with the weird smell in that room, finding a smaller desk to put in there, and assembling our second media cabinet for the living room. I'm also planning to rearrange my office at work soon, which has kept me thinking. It's really an awkward space with awkward furniture; hopefully the idea I have in mind will work out.

Speaking of working out (har), I'd better get outside for my walk before it gets too much hotter.

New schedule

I woke up this morning at around 4 o'clock. Due to a combination of not really feeling tired and Sean's talking and laughing floating through the door, I couldn't get back to sleep. I'd set the alarm for 6, thinking that if I woke up earlier I'd go ahead and get up, but when I thought "earlier" I was thinking 5 or 5:30, so this seemed a little ridiculous at first.

Still, I got up, and went ahead and put on my workout clothes and put up my hair. (It's long enough now that I can do those goofy pigtails on either side of my head, which I do in order to lessen the sweatosity. Sure, sweatosity's a word.)

Then I cleaned the kitchen, which just involved getting everything in the sink into the dishwasher.

I asked Sean if he was hungry and if he wanted breakfast or dinner. Even though for him this would be his last meal of the day, he always wants to have breakfast in the Circadian morning. So that's what he asked for. This sort of put a crimp in my plans to make a dinner and then pack up my half for lunch, but I improvised and cooked breakfast and dinner at the same time.

Breakfast consisted of eggs, bacon, and pancakes made from the batter I'd made a couple days ago. I thinned the batter out with some milk and the pancakes seemed to turn out better. Does my batter need to be left in the fridge for awhile and then thinned, or is this just due to the Bisquick being a little old? In any case, I also considered grits, but I decided the preceding was plenty of food.

For dinner, I found a recipe in my Taste of Home cookbook for meatloaf, so I whipped that up, even chopping an onion for it. I used part of the onion in the eggs and put the rest in a Ziploc bag in the fridge. Unfortunately I don't have a loaf pan so the meatloaf went into a cake pan...hope it's not too dry.

I also made some sour cream and chive scalloped potatoes a la Betty Crocker, starting them later than the meatloaf (they take less time to cook--though I guess I don't really need to have everything come out at the same time when I'm cooking in advance. Habit, I suppose).

I'll top all that off with broccoli. Sean says he doesn't want to take his dinner to work, so I'm taking frozen veggies with me to steam in the work microwave, and I'll make his veggies tonight when I get home so he'll have them when he gets here at 11:45.

As soon as the sun came up I went on my walk. It was longer than I thought it was; I got back at 7:30, which meant either I would have to leave things unfinished or go to my freelance work late. Freelance took the hit because I wanted to have time to dress, pack lunches, and finish this post.

After the freelance work I'll head to regular work, just like yesterday.

This seems like a pretty decent schedule. The rush towards the end isn't great, but I'm trapped by the time the sun comes up and the time the freelance place opens. Then again, I won't be doing freelance work every morning, so I suppose it'll be okay every once in awhile. Weather.com says the sun rose at 6:55, which is later than the 6:45 I was assuming, so that explains the rush a little. I don't guess this is going to work as well once fall gets here.

Another issue is that I'm really not all that hungry in the morning, so most of my lovely breakfast remained uneaten. Then again, I suppose that's good for my diet ;> I think I'll shift to cooking breakfast just for Sean tomorrow (it'll be good to ensure he's getting at least two square meals) and grab a bowl of cereal or Slim-Fast for myself.

Good news! You're wearing contaminated clothes!

China - The leading exporter of biohazards

Scientists in New Zealand have found formaldehyde, which is used to give clothing a permanent press and to prevent mildew, at levels of up to 500 times greater than that considered safe for humans in woolen and cotton clothing made in China.

Research by the World Health Organization (WHO) indicates that exposure to concentrations of formaldehyde of 20 parts per million (ppm) can cause eye, skin and nasal irritation, respiratory problems, asthma, and cancer. Consumers normally are advised to wash and air clothing before wearing it for the first time.

That's just a little scary, isn't it? Would washing the clothes first get rid of the formaldehyde? I normally do that, but there have been times when I haven't...

Sheesh, you can't eat the food exports and now you can't wear the clothes. Time to start paying out the nose for everything :>

Women prefer pink

Researchers speculate that because women largely picked colors close to the pink end of the blue spectrum in a study, this means that women have evolved to prefer those colors.

The participants were grown women, who've been indoctrinated into their culture(s). Don't you think nurture might also have a part to play, not just nature?

Of course, the news article might have left out some reasoning, just like they left out where the sample came from (just England? English-speaking countries? Around the world?) and how many people were sampled. ("A group"...sounds comprehensive!) And we do have to consider that this is just the researchers' theory. But are they even looking into the environmental possibility?

I would redo this study with babies. And I would redo it on people from a multitude of different cultures.

One of the best paragraphs ever

Dropping something may have saved Joy Horton's life. The 73-year-old woman was preparing some food in her western New York home on Monday morning when she dropped a spoon on the floor of her kitchen. When she bent down, her house exploded.

If you're curious about why this happened, you'll be disappointed, as they're still looking into it. But here's the rest of the story anyway.

I agree with James Brown (although I didn't know that I would)

This morning I awakened with the distinct impression that I was about to have an awful Charley horse in my left calf. There are things you can do to stop them, or to lessen their impact, so I set about keeping my leg as still as possible while I attempted to get out of bed so I could stand with my foot flat on the floor. It was mostly successful, though there in the middle I had a huge jolt of pain.

Despite that, though, I noticed something as I was waking up: I felt good.

Not only did I feel like I had gotten enough sleep, but my heart wasn't racing, and I felt like I could breathe--almost normally.

This good feeling carried me through my morning routine and out the door for a 25-minute walk around the neighborhood, during which I never once had to gasp for air. By the end of it I was a little winded, but I recovered almost immediately.

What the hell?

Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but this is so different from how I've been feeling. I've been essentially unwilling to try to do anything due to how horrible my chest made me feel. Yesterday I was so annoyed about it that I broke down and had McDonald's for lunch, complete with sweet tea.

I can think of two environmental things that have changed recently that might explain this. First, I haven't spent a whole lot of time outside since last Wednesday, when I took a brief walk.

Second, we've been keeping the door to the second bedroom closed the past few days because of a really weird smell in there.

I thought at first that another lizard had gotten in and died, but I've scoured that room, moving the furniture even, and I can't find a damn thing. Plus, oddly, the smell occasionally goes away.

We're keeping the door shut so we don't have to smell it, but I think it'll also help contain the smell and make it stronger so when I finally call maintenance they'll know what I'm talking about.

Anyway, it's possible I'm allergic to whatever I'm smelling in there.

Or maybe it's neither of those two. I hope it's not the outdoors thing, because I don't want to seal myself away inside all the time.

Regardless, I haven't felt this good since the day I decided to start getting up earlier, right before I got gastroenteritis. Hope it continues!

I make teh gud jokez

Yesterday I was on the phone with my brother Ben, whose birthday is today.

"Wait, how old are you?" I asked him.

"Tomorrow I'll be 26," he said.

"26, eh? I remember when I turned 26," I said. "I was like, 'Uh oh!'"

I think I had somewhere I was going with that, some joke I was going to make, but it never quite happened and that ended up being all I said.

Sean, overhearing this, started cracking up.

Plane explodes after landing

I guess we can call this "odd news", because all the passengers escaped safely and terrorism isn't suspected. And it's weird!

Mainichi has the best coverage.

Taiwanese jet explodes into flames at Okinawa airport, no passengers hurt

Here's Asahi's, just to be fair.

China Airlines aircraft explodes soon after landing at Naha Airport; all 165 people on board escape

What is it?

I'm trying to figure out what has caused this downward spiral in my health.

My initial reaction was to blame it all on emotional distress from the fire. While that may be a factor, at this point I don't think it accounts for everything. After all, I was still riding a bike after the fire. As soon as I was able to get one, I rode when I could while we were still living with Sean's parents. Back then I didn't have full time work and was able to do things according to my own schedule, but I was also healing emotionally, and I also didn't really have a place to call my own...so I wasn't as vigilant as I had been, but I was very eager to get our own place so I could get back into the swing of my life.

I got my current job around the same time we moved into this apartment. At first I was going on walks or to the Y during my lunch break all the time. I knew I wasn't in as good shape as I once was, but I was determined to get back to it.

But something happened and I didn't stick to it. Why did I stop working out at lunch?

Sometimes I wouldn't take a lunch. And then I got into the habit of eating out for lunch, which meant I had to have time to pick something up to eat, which meant I usually didn't think I had enough time to work out as well.

Also, since we've lived here, I've only been to the Canal once, and I haven't biked the Greeneway at all. For some reason I've felt like it was too much trouble or it took too much time. But that makes no sense. At the old apartment, I had to lug the bike up and down three flights of stairs, and I did it without complaint. Here, all I'd have to do is walk it out the door. So why am I not biking before or after work, or on the weekends for that matter?

And why do my weekends solely consist of sitting around on the computer and/or watching DVDs? Why don't I go places anymore? Every Friday I think, "I want to do something this weekend," and then every Saturday and Sunday I think, "I'll do it later," and then it's Monday and I haven't done anything.

Is this horrible out-of-breath-all-the-time thing a product of my slow decrease in activity? If so, how did I let this happen?

Or is my slow decrease in activity caused by being out of breath all the time? Is there something in my environment maybe that makes me less desirous to move around? Am I allergic to something in the apartment, or at work?

I don't want to just assume I'm a victim of my environment. Obviously I'm going to ask my general practitioner about this when I seem him in another week.

This is all just making me so mad. I can't draw a clear line of how this has happened to me--how I've let myself go this badly.

The more you do, the more you are able to do. The more you do it, the more you are able to do it.

The less you do, the less you are able to do. The less you do it, the less you are able to do it.

Is that all there is to this? Am I where I am now because my laziness gradually grew? Because I stopped packing lunches and cooking dinners? Because I never "feel like" taking the bike out for a spin?

How can I correct this if I get winded after thirty seconds of mild physical activity?

I will find out more when I see the doctor again. I hope I can figure something out.

The hill just got a lot steeper

Yesterday I finally put my bike onto the stand so I can ride it like a stationary. (There has got to be a shorter way to say that.) It works great. I got a stand with magnetized resistance rather than air because the guy at Outspokin' said it was quieter, but it's still kind of noisy, so I'll have to pick and choose when and where I use it.

At first I was thinking the front of my bike would fit under the bar table, so I had set the bike up over there, but the handlebars turned out to be too high, plus the front wheel hits the cross braces at the bottom of the table legs. I could probably jerry-rig something, but do I really want to dismantle my bicycle?

So I lugged it across the room to the dining area, so I can see the TV screen over the back of Sean's couch while I'm riding.

And let me tell you, that was not easy. The stand is very heavy, to provide stability, and leaving it attached to the bike made the whole ensemble awkward to move. I couldn't just shove it, because the stand's folding legs kept trying to collapse. I basically had to lift the stand and then lean the bike to cause it to roll in the direction I wanted.

When I got it into the dining room, I had to stop and sit down. I was gasping for air. It was weird. I'm having that experience more and more often, where I feel like I can't get air fast enough. My muscles never get anywhere near the point of feeling tired before I'm unable to breathe. I had thought maybe it was allergies, and the hope was that exercising indoors would help me avoid that experience, but apparently not. It looks like it's something I'm going to have to deal with regardless of when and how I work out.

So I sat on the couch for a long time, sucking air in through my mouth and releasing it the same way, waiting for my heart to stop pounding and my body to feel ready to move again. Finally I was able to position the bike, which didn't take as much effort. I tried it out and everything seemed good, but since I was afraid of being winded again I didn't stay on the bike for long.

Writing about how pathetic this is, and thinking wistfully back to my kung fu days when I was in the best shape of my life, will do me no good. It's a situation I just have to accept and deal with, unfortunately. Small steps.

Real model photography

You know that photography style (or Photoshop trick) where you make real life look like a model?

Well, デジ太 went to the 8th International Model Railroad Convention at Tokyo Big Site and took some actual miniature photography :D Check it out.

Keep it up

I haven't exercised since Tuesday; yesterday I felt terrible when I got up, and today I was just tired and got up too late. I did run around shopping during lunch yesterday, if that counts for anything.

But I have been eating fairly well. Yesterday I had a Slim-Fast for breakfast, half of a spring greens salad with strawberries (no dressing) for lunch, and then salmon-potato croquettes with grits and steamed veggies at Boll Weevil for dinner. Dinner might have been too much food. But at least I drank water, and I didn't have a dessert...which is a miracle for me at the Boll Weevil.

I found yesterday that putting off my lunch until late in the day made me not feel hungry at all, and then eating a large dinner not too long after that staved off the headache. I just need to make sure I don't eat a large, unhealthy dinner.

Today I didn't have breakfast because I'm out of Slim-Fast, but when I got to work I discovered some leftovers from where the morning crew had made breakfast for one of the production assistants to celebrate her birthday, so I had four cocktail wieners. I also ate a mint from Olive Garden that happened to be in my desk...I need to watch that sort of thing.

I'm not doing anything mind-blowing in terms of lifestyle changes, but that's how it should be: one step at a time. And I am feeling better. I've been pretty chipper lately...reading and posting more on my blog, for example. The next thing I want to get back into is photography. I was out at a party last night for nearly three hours and I didn't take a single picture. That really shows how out of practice I am.

I think once I get myself into a decent routine, where I'm getting up at the same time every day, I will start looking more seriously at my meal planning and charting things out, but for now I'm just trying to gradually adjust.

Fabulous Deathly Hallows spoof

Snape: Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, and tell you how I became the half-blood Prince of a school called H-warts. In Spinner's End born and raised, in the playground is where I spent most of my days, chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' out cool, shootin' some quaffles outside of the school.

This and much more awaits in this parody of the final Harry Potter book. Those of you who have finished reading, check it out! It's a hoot.

"A real live Pakistani, who practices Muslimism"

Have you heard of this new show Aliens in America? I hadn't, until TheStraightPoop mentioned she's going to be an extra.

Click here and watch some of the videos. I mean, damn. I'm offended, amused, and intrigued, all at once.

It looks like it could be worth watching. Actually, some of the stuff, just from the videos, is scary because I recognize it from my life. I'm not talking about the prejudice, which is more blatant than I would expect, but the other things, the culture. The alpacas :>

(I do think I should point out that I was once acquainted with some Pakistani Muslims and I'm not sure they would always wear traditional garments. It seemed like it was the women who did that, while the men just wore western clothes.)

"Muslimism". Snerk.

It's also hot here in Augusta

I think I have a permanent band of sweat on my lower back. Ew.

You step out the door and your face is dripping. Glad my deodorant works.

I ran some errands over lunch and it about killed me.

Tonight is the goodbye dinner for my favorite weatherman; otherwise, I'd probably go swimming.

It's hot

Apparently high temperatures in Saitama Prefecture have actually caused a railroad track to become warped.

Officials said the bend in the track was found about 300 meters southeast of Ogawamachi Station. One of the rails was bent inwards and the other was bent outwards, causing the tracks to shift as much as 5 centimeters.

[...]

Officials at the Kumagaya Local Meteorological Observatory said that the high temperature in Yorii, located next to the Saitama Prefecture town of Ogawa, hit 39.5 degrees Celsius on Wednesday.

Ha, 103 degrees? How about the 107 we had here in Augusta last Friday? You snooze, you lose, Japan.

The initial high is gone, of course

Today I have sinus pressure and a headache, and I wish I was still in bed. I don't think I will be going outside to exercise. Truthfully I don't want to exercise at all, but we'll have to see.

Yesterday I felt pretty good for the majority of the day, but last night I felt like I was going to die of hunger. I had a horrible hunger headache. I ate a Healthy Choice frozen dinner, and when that didn't satisfy me, I ate the three peanut butter crackers I had left over from my lunch, which also consisted of a Caesar salad from Publix (I didn't eat the dressing) and a peach. Breakfast was a Slim-Fast shake. I'm not sure how many calories all that is, but it seems to have been less than I'm used to.

I'm drinking some water now, and I think that's helping me to feel marginally better.

Here goes

I got up at 6 this morning, put on my workout clothes, set up my new pedometer, and went for a walk, taking out the trash as I went.

Almost immediately I was out of breath. I had to stop walking and force myself to breathe deeply. These days it feels like there's a hole in my lungs, so no matter how heavily I breathe I don't get enough air. I'm thinking it's allergy-related, though it almost certainly also has to do with how out of shape I am.

After dumping the trash I walked straight back to the end of the main road, then turned into one of the many patio home complexes and walked back through there. I thought about going on into another complex, but I ultimately decided that I didn't want to overdo it on my first day, so I came back to the apartment. In total, I walked a piddly .628 of a mile.

It was already hot when I walked, even though the sun had barely risen. My clothes were plastered to me by the time I came back inside, and the air conditioning was quite a welcome relief.

Yesterday I bought a stand for my bicycle so I can use it as a stationary bike indoors. I also looked at treadmills, but all the powered ones seemed too big, and I didn't see a non-powered one anywhere. I may do some more research online.

The two bad habits I need to break are eating out all the time and staying up too late. If I can keep those things under control, I think it will make a big difference.

I'm considering making a rule for myself that if I do eat out, I have to have a salad. That might work. But I seem to always break my own rules, so I really just want to try to pack my lunch as much as possible.

Avoiding staying up too late will really just involve willing myself not to get heavily involved with something I'm doing right before bed, be it watching DVDs or reading blogs or working on a project. Last night I was burning DVDs and watching Detective Conan until I realized it was already 10:30. I wrapped up as quickly as I could and went to bed.

Something I'm worried about is how Sean tends to wake me up by playing music or talking on the phone too loudly in the morning. He woke me up shortly before my alarm went off today, so maybe I was ready to get up anyway, but I recall thinking furiously as I listened to him through the wall that we really need to do something about it. I even considered for a long time switching the bedrooms so I would be sleeping in the front room, down the hall from the living room, instead of in the back room, which is right next to the living room. But that would mean I would have to do laundry in the spare bedroom and then carry it into the other bedroom to put away, and having a washer and dryer in a spare bedroom's closet just seems weird.

Plus it would be a pain to move our bed :>

I'm wondering if maybe a white noise generator would do the trick...it might also cancel out any noise from our upstairs neighbor, who can keep odd hours. But would it interfere with my alarm clock?

Beyond that, I have two things I want to do to get myself further into the "zone". The first involves some changes to our second bedroom. I'm giving away the huge desk, and I'm going to try to find a small desk and maybe a shelf to go in there and then use the floor space for exercising. Eventually, when we get a flat panel television, I'll put the ancient monster we currently use in there as well, for use with workout DVDs. Until then I can just use a laptop.

My hope is to arrange the room so that it looks inviting but is still easy to work out in.

The second thing I want to do is rearrange my office at work. I have a vague idea on how I want to do it. Basically my goal is to shift the "hallway" part of the room so that it's in front of me rather than behind me. It's really annoying to have people walking behind me all the time. My plan is to move my desk back so that my back is against the opposite wall. I'll have a decent view of both doors that way.

Once I get my office to where I can see when people are coming, I want to start doing mini-workouts at my desk. Nothing elaborate, just some movement on a regular schedule. I actually found some software that will pop up and lead you in Tai Chi every 30 minutes, but I'm not sure I want to have some woman's voice all of a sudden blaring out of my speakers. Still, it seems interesting and I'll look into it further. I can also simply get a timer and set it for a certain interval, and do my mini-workout whenever it goes off. You can understand why I'd prefer to be able to see people coming...I'd rather not look like a complete doofus if I can help it.

I've come to believe that using my lunch break for a workout isn't the best plan. I think when I take my break I should do some walking around, but I'd rather it be something fun than something I won't look forward to doing, and something that will make me sweat enough that I'll need a change of clothes. Changing to work out saps my valuable break time. So I think I'll shift to an "exploring" sort of lunch, when it's not too hot. I'll do my usual trek to the Riverwalk, or I'll go to the Greeneway, or I'll find some other place that isn't too far away.

Also, when I went to the bike shop yesterday I learned how to take the front wheel off my bike, so it shouldn't be quite as big a hassle to get the thing into my car. So maybe I can bike a little during lunch too, or before or after work.

Ultimately I want to try to keep it interesting so I don't get bored and quit.

Finally, I need to change my mentality. If I don't exercise much (or at all) one day, that doesn't mean I can't do it the next day. But I need to stop thinking of every time that happens as "starting over". When I do that I get all revved up with my "new plan" and then when it fails I crash for awhile. What I need to do is think of myself as continually doing these things, rather than starting and stopping. It's just like how they say you shouldn't "diet", but instead change your eating habits permanently.

I will be seeing my general practitioner in two weeks to discuss the results of the bloodwork they took yesterday. Depending on the outcome of that, I may be starting on blood pressure, cholesterol, and/or thyroid medication. Come September I will be back on hormones to regulate my periods. However, I will not think of those as fertility treatments. I'll talk more about that in another post.

Minicars

One in every three [Japanese] cars now a minivehicle

One official said the number of minivehicles soared in 2006 "because automakers took the wraps off a slew of new models and unleashed fully restyled models."

[...]

Industry officials said the minivehicle category has been popular particularly with women and the elderly because they are easy to drive.

Such cars also benefited from fuel efficiency and low maintenance costs after the asset-inflated bubble burst in the early 1990s, they said.

Here's Shiba, reporter for Pro Tennis magazine in the anime Prince of Tennis, in her awesome minicar. I want one!

Have you seen Detective Conan 238?

Are those native English speakers? Because wow. I don't think I've ever heard English spoken that well in anime before. And they have accents when they speak Japanese, too, and not the normal "I'm a Japanese person trying to fake an American accent" type of accent you usually hear.

I'm impressed!

Oops

A Japanese biker failed to notice his leg had been severed below the knee when he hit a safety barrier, and rode on for 2 km (1.2 miles), leaving a friend to pick up the missing limb.

[...]

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

The guy's from Hamamatsu. I used to read the blog of a guy who lived there, though he stopped posting shortly after his baby daughter was born. I wonder if he's still there. I wonder if he knows this guy :>

Words of wisdom from Sushicam

I haven't read many of my Bloglines subscriptions in the past year or so. Working in news, I've either found the thought of reading online tiresome or overwhelming every time I've tried to catch up. Today I've got some free moments while I wait for DVDs to burn, so I've been working through some of my Japan blogs. I'm currently plowing through Sushicam, and this post of Jeff's seemed like it was written just for me:

Did you enjoy yourself today?

I mean really, REALLY enjoy yourself?

I shudder to think what the most common answer would be if we were all to honestly answer this most simple of questions each night before drifting off to sleep.

Barring any serious illness, unemployment issues, or family tragedies, probably the greatest reason that a person is not enjoying their life is because they are not taking the time to take care of themselves. And what better way to find happiness in life than to take the time to do something that really means something to you.
Slow down.

Get a hobby.

Have a purpose

Do something meaningful with your time.

And while everyone has a different interpretation of what has meaning, each and everyone of us should be doing something each day that is just for us. Something we enjoy, and not something you either feel obligated to do, or something that you get paid to do.

Wow.

So maybe it's not my circumstances that are making me unhappy.

Maybe it's just that I'm not doing anything fun.

I've been thinking of that as a circumstance...but don't I have the power to do what I want, if I really try? Even if I have to work around Sean's schedule and my work schedule, isn't there a way to pursue my hobbies?

It feels like it's been so long since I've explored.

I need to get out and enjoy myself. I need to take care of me.

I'm sure this has been painfully obvious to all of you, and I thank you for your patience in dealing with my whiny posts for the past however long it's been. These emotional epiphanies never seem to come easily, even when they're this simple.

On a lighter note

There are some animated Lara Croft shorts over at Gametap. As of right now they're up to eight shorts that tell five stories, and two more stories are on the way.

The first story, "Keys to the Kingdom", has a cabal of different religions coming together to get an artifact said to revive the dead. The idea of religions uniting (and being bad guys) was also done in Ctrl-Alt-Del recently, and it's facile, reactionary, and not particularly imaginative in general. Still, it was a decent story, and I did find the part where all the religious leaders told each other to go to hell, or called each other infidels, or whatnot, fairly amusing. Great art and animation, too. The story and art are by Peter Cheung of Aeon Flux, which perhaps explains everything I just said.

The second story, "Episode 4: Revenge of the Aztec Mummy", is completely different. It's Lara Croft done as a spoof. And it's really not all that funny. You might want to just skip it. The animation at least fits the story, I guess. I almost felt like I was watching one of the poorer Darkwing Duck episodes. I think I know why: the design was by a guy who worked on Animaniacs.

The third story, "Episodes 5 and 6: Angel Spit", is actually pretty neat, though the ending is a bit cliched. The part where she blows a huge hole in the wall really made me cringe, though. Watch it and you'll know why. Quite an interesting situation. I thought the animation was fairly decent in this one, but at times it looked South Park-y. Warren Ellis wrote the story, which made me expect more--though I've never read a thing the man's written, people seem to go on and on about him. The dialogue was good and the story felt epic. It was really just the ending that was kind of blah.

The fourth story, "Episode 7: Lara Croft: Legacy", is my absolute favorite. It was perfect. Of course, you'll be turned off if you didn't ever like Hanna-Barbera's adventure cartoons like Jonny Quest, because this is done in an old-fashioned style with old-fashioned music. There are even "dust particles" on the "film". I thought it was campy and fun. And the story was good too. I enjoyed the addition of a character who wasn't simply there for Lara to defeat. I'm not familiar with the writer or designer, but after watching this short I feel like I ought to be.

The fifth story, "Episode 8: Pre-Teen Raider", is also good. Pretty cute. Although if one of your pet peeves is obnoxious children, you might want to pass. I don't know anything about the writer or designers here, either.

From their synopses, the upcoming stories look pretty cool as well. "Raising Thaumopolis" sounds like a good premise for an adventure...plus it's written by Mike Stackpole! And "A Complicated Woman" reminds me fondly of one of my favorite Batman: The Animated Series episodes, "Almost Got 'Im". I can't wait to watch them.

Thanks to Tycho for pointing these out!

Edit 07/08/25: I watched Stackpole's not long ago and enjoyed it. I guess I really wasn't paying attention. I just watched it again. Basically, the bad guys in that story are "neocons" who started the war in Iraq in order to get an ancient artifact. That goes a little beyond metaphor, doesn't it? Sheesh.

If you ignore that part, though, it's pretty good. I enjoy Lara's interactions with Mr. Cooper.

Home

It's been almost two years since fire destroyed the first home I created for myself and my husband. Sean found the place and I moved from Kentucky to live there. I decorated, I cleaned, I learned to get over myself and deal with things like loneliness and uncertainty. Over time I developed ideas and systems and I was in great shape. I loved the apartment--it was filled with things that reminded me of my home back in Kentucky and beautiful in its own right, with a cathedral ceiling in the living room and a gorgeous view of the pond below.

It was home.

After we lost it, lost everything, we didn't have a home. We lived with Sean's parents. There was no place for us to go back to, no comfort zone. We stayed there perhaps a little too long, until finally I told Sean we had to move now.

It was I who found the new apartment. It costs much less and is in a good location. The building is still fairly new. Our management company is fast and helpful.

I wasn't able to decorate right away, mainly because we didn't have many possessions to move in, but also because I had a job and wasn't able to spend entire days working on the apartment like I did when we first got married. So for months we have been accumulating things and I've been trying to put them in places that look good and make sense.

Some things are different. We spend most of our time in the living room now, whereas in the old apartment we could usually be found in the office. The office here is more of a second bedroom with a desk and a closet full of dry goods, paperwork, and stuff we couldn't find another place for. It's never felt cozy, and I haven't had time to deal with that.

Since there was only one desk and I was using it, Sean took up a position on the kotatsu in the living room, and he's been there ever since. Now he says he doesn't want to have a desk, but prefers to stay right where he is. To manage some of his clutter, I bought him a little black file cabinet.

Meanwhile, I got lonely sitting in there by myself, so I moved my laptop out onto the coffee table we're keeping for Brooke. The desk wasn't particularly comfortable to sit at, so this really isn't too different. When my back hurts, I sit on the floor, and when I'm bored with that I sit on the loveseat Brooke gave us.

We have a large, old TV given to us by Robert and Julia, and a cheap DVD player I bought at Wal-Mart, and we spend much of our time at home sitting at our computers and watching DVDs. Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to escape into another world rather than dealing with the things that need to be done, or even the things I think I want to do.

The TV sits against the wall shared by our master bedroom. With that; the fact that the door is right next to it, allowing sound through the cracks; and Sean's late-night schedule, it is often difficult for me to sleep soundly. I'm sure the same is true for him when I'm up during the day. Complicating matters is the fact that Sean will often sleep on the couch next to his kotatsu, meaning when I get up I feel like I have to be quiet. So I can't even retreat into a DVD.

I've Twittered about my discontent lately, how I feel like I haven't really had a summer, how I have trouble waking up in the morning.

Today, while sitting at my laptop in the living room of our apartment, I thought, "I want to go home."

And it finally hit me. I feel the same about this place as I did about Cheryl and Reid's. It's not home. It's a place where I'm keeping my stuff, a base to operate out of. When I'm not here, I don't wish I was. Even when I say I want to go home, when I finally get here I don't feel relieved. I feel resigned.

Part of it, I'm sure, is due to some actual problems with the apartment, such as the layout and our noisy neighbors and the fact that we have no view whatsoever. But I think I've also failed to take ownership of this place and the things inside it because I feel like none of it belongs to me. How much of it was given to us, and how much of it was purchased using money that was given to us? What here can I say is truly mine?

I hope when our lease is up next spring that we are able to move. Even though I have an idea of what's bothering me, I don't feel like I want to take ownership of this place. I want to start fresh, and put more time into picking the spot and the things I want to go in it. I want to find a place that doesn't have the problems this place does. I want to find something cute, just large enough to suit our needs.

I want to stop wishing I was back in our old apartment, with all our old stuff.

I want to find home.

Just say no

Doctors seem to think they'll hurt my feelings if they say no. "Never say never," they'll say, even after informing me that there is only a 7% chance of ovary function returning to normal after a bone marrow transplant, and even then it usually happens within the first year of recovery.

I would rather you just told me it was impossible, because I hate wishing and hoping and planning when I don't know if it will ever happen.

Regardless, I do think I like my new doctor, despite her tendency to ramble.

Sometimes it's weird to read my father-in-law's MySpace

So there's this thing on MySpace (and probably email) where you forward and add to a list. Reid sent out one recently where you pick a movie title and add a certain phrase to it.

I think his addition to the list was the best.

The Day the Earth Stood Still between my legs

XD

Because I live to take internet surveys

Found this on my GSP friend Shannon's MySpace.

1. Song that always makes you sad?
Tears in Heaven


2. Last thing you bought?
Dinner at Arby's - two beef and cheddars, two bacon beef and cheddars, and a large potato cake


3. Last person you argued with?
I...can't remember.


4. Do you put Butter before putting the peanut butter on?
Er...no? And on what?


5. One of your stuffed animals' names as a kid?
Brownie


6. Did you ever own at one time a Barenaked Ladies Cd?
No...they suck


7. Favorite day of the week?
It really depends. Sometimes Mondays are great because I'm tired of doing nothing all weekend; sometimes Wednesdays are great because I'm riding a good wave of momentum from the beginning of the week; and of course sometimes Fridays are good because the week's over.


8. Favorite Sundae topping?
While I've got to have chocolate syrup and whipped cream, the best part is the cherry.


9. Did you take Piano lessons?
Yes...for ten years.


10. Most frequent song played?
"Fur Elise"...I still play it.


11. T.V. show you secretly enjoy?
I don't really watch TV, and if I did I wouldn't be ashamed of what I liked.


12. Would you rather play basketball or hockey?
I guess I would prefer hockey, if ice skates didn't kill my feet.


13. Date someone older or younger?
Well, I'm married to someone four months younger than me, which isn't really that much of a difference.


14. One place you could travel right now?
I could travel to lots of places right now :> If I could go anywhere, though, I'd go to a beach. Maybe a beach in Japan!


15. Do you use umbrellas?
Sometimes. I leave it in the car, so often I don't have it when I need it.


16. Do you know all the words to the Canadian national anthem?
No. Is this a quiz for Canadians? Because I don't know any national anthem other than my own.


17. Favorite Cheese?
I like blocks of sharp cheddar.


18. The Smith's or the Cure?
Neither, I guess.


19. Do you prefer Blondes or Brunettes?
Don't really have a preference.


20. Best job you ever had?
The one I have now.


21. did you go to your high school prom?
Unfortunately, yes. I guess it was good for the freshman I took with me, so he could hang out with his friends. But I honestly had no use for the prom itself. The restaurant beforehand and the early breakfast we had at a friend's house after were far preferable.


22. perfect time to wake up?
Dawn


23. perfect time to go to bed?
Early enough to feel rested when I get up.


24. do you use your queen right away in chess?
It's been years, but no, usually I'd use her mid-game.


25. Ever been in a car accident?
Yes, twice...once a kid crashed into my door as I was turning into a parking lot, and once a van pulled out in front of me on the interstate, and I crashed into the guardrail trying to avoid it.


26. closer to mom or dad...or neither?
I love both my parents very much, but I'm closest to my mom.


27. what age is this exciting life over for you?
Lately I've been feeling like my exciting life has been over for awhile.


28. what decade during the 20th century would you have chosen to be a teenager?
I'm fine with the 90s, although the 80s might have been interesting.


29. Favorite shoes you have EVER owned?
I used to have these high-top-esque black shoes with velcro closures on top. I loved those shoes. I had some white ones too, but the black ones were the coolest.


30. Do you have an article of clothing you have had since you were in high school?
No, I lost all that stuff in the fire :P


31. Were you in track and field?
No, but I did think about it. I've always hated running, but I thought maybe I could force myself past it. Never actually went for it though.


32. Were you ever in a school talent show?
Yes, playing piano


33. Have you ever written in a library book?
No...I was "good".


34. Allergic to?
Not sure, but it seems to be getting worse


35. Favorite fruit?
Toss up among kiwi, plums, and blackberries.


36. Have you watched sex and the city?
I saw a censored version on Fox once. It was the stupidest show I've ever seen.


37. Baseball hat or toque?
WTF is a toque? *googles* Hmm, okay, in this climate, definitely the baseball cap.


38. Do you shampoo first in the shower or soap?
Soap, then shave, then shampoo last.


39. Wet the toothbrush or brush dry with the toothpaste?
I put the toothpaste on and then wet it all.


40. Pen or pencil?
I used to only like pencils, but now I'm all about pens.


41. Have you ever gambled at a casino?
No, but I'd like to try it once.


42. Have you thrown up on a plane?
No, flying doesn't bother me.


43. Have you thrown up in a car?
Not that I recall.


44. Have you thrown up at work?
No.


45. Do you scream on roller coasters?
Yes, but I also avoid them like the plague.


46. Who was your first prom date?
My first and last prom date was a computer geek freshman, when I was a senior. Long story, and not really worth telling.


47. Who was your first roommate?
A girl from Alabama named Saxon.


48. ???
??? yourself.


49. What was your first job?
Other than working for my parents' business...my first job was at Wal-Mart. I lasted about a week and a half.


50. What was your first car?
The first car I had to myself was our family's Mercury Marquis, passed to us from Grandma when she bought a new car. But it wasn't really MINE, so when I dropped out of college and got a full time job I bought my own car, a Ford Taurus. (Then I got cancer and had to be admitted to the hospital, so my parents ended up making payments on it...bleh.)


51. When did you go to your first funeral?
I guess it was when my great-grandmother died? But I'm not sure when that was exactly.


52. How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?
I was 18 when I moved to Alabama for college. I was there nine months. It wasn't until I was 24 that I moved away permanently, here to Augusta.


53. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Fosson, though I can't tell you any more than that.


54. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?
Texas...I was a baby. I don't know why my mom was going there.


55. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?
I never snuck out. There was one time I thought about it, to go to a party hosted by some people I knew on a local BBS. But the idea of doing it was too scary, so I didn't.


56. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?
My very first best friend was Eddie, in fourth grade. I don't know where he is or what he's doing now.


57. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house?
I don't know if you can call going to college "moving out", since most of my stuff was still at my parents' house, but if you can, I lived in the dorms at the University of Alabama-Huntsville. They were very nice. If you can't count that, then it would be Springhouse Apartments in Augusta.


58. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?
Twitter...that way Mom and Brooke both have a way of knowing.


59. Who's Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?
Brooke's AJ and Faye's, duh. And the only time I was in a wedding before that was when I was a flower girl (or something) in Aunt Sally's wedding. Brooke's wedding was the first time I was a maid (technically matron) of honor.


60. What is the first thing you do in the morning?
Pick out my clothes and carry them to the bathroom.


61. What was the first concert you attended?
Errr...I don't know. Maybe Carman, at Rupp Arena in Lexington.


62. First tattoo or piercing?
My ears are pierced...had them done when I turned 16. I've lived a fairly tame existence.


63. First celebrity crush?
I have two answers to this. I always rather liked Michael W. Smith--I had a big poster of him on my wall, and I'd stare into his bright blue eyes and sigh. But there was also a time when I saw part of An Officer and a Gentleman, when Richard Gere was wearing that white uniform...and, well, just whoa.

Wacky dreams

Last night I had a funny dream and a very vivid one.

In the first dream, I dreamed that a guy I deal with a lot in the Chicago corporate office, Mike, had sent me an email to tell me that I was annoying. Then, in the dream, I "woke up", and I told Mike about that dream. And he said, "Well, that's kind of true."

(I emailed Mike to tell him about the dream today and he thought it was hilarious. And, for the record, he said it wasn't true at all ;>)

In the other dream, Sean and I were with my family and some other people outside when all of a sudden a big cloud of gray and yellow dust started moving towards us. As we looked at it, we saw what appeared to be little birds riding on top of things three times their size, but as they drew closer we realized they were actually large bees carrying huge white and yellow flowers.

I ran for my camera, but couldn't find it.

The bees didn't seem to care about us at first, but for some reason as time went on they became hostile, and at that point I noticed their five inch stingers. One of them stabbed Mom in the behind as she was fleeing indoors, the long, thin, needle-like stinger going all the way in.

"Did it hurt?" I asked her.

"Not really," she grimaced.

I thought we should just leave the bees alone, but many people started to go for the bug spray. Four-year-old Logan grabbed some and started spraying it around, then lost his balance and almost fell off the table he was standing on. I and someone else grabbed him and sat him down.

"Do you know why we're mad at you?" I asked him, because I wanted him to understand that there might not always be someone to catch him when he fell, and he needed to be more careful.

"Yes," said someone else, answering for him, which was annoying. I'm not sure who it was...it didn't seem like Mom or Faye, so maybe it was just a character interjected into the dream to represent bad parents, even though Logan actually has very good parents.

Later I was headed off somewhere and I was a little paranoid that the bees would sting me, so I hurried, and then I heard Mom behind me saying "They're going after Faye--er, Heather." (She will sometimes go through a whole list of names before finding the person she's talking about ;> I've been called Bev, Carol, Sally, Faye, and Amanda many times.) Regardless, somehow, I managed not to get stung.

This dream, of course, partially reflects my experience every day when I leave the apartment and have to walk through a horde of wasps and hornets. Occasionally I think about calling management to have pest control come out, but they've never stung me, and it's only nerve-wracking for those few seconds while I walk to my car, so usually I decide not to worry about it.

(This morning they were even crazier than usual, actually running into walls. Is it mating season? Still didn't get stung, though.)

At some point during the dream about the bees, I remember meeting a nice older couple who were talking with Sean about his wedding ring. He apparently needed to have it fixed (although I have no idea what could possibly go wrong with a plain white gold band), but due to various tax and political family issues, he didn't want to have it done in Augusta. The couple was recommending he send it to Kentucky and then we could pick it up at Christmas.

"Oh, and while you're there, you should meet the so-and-sos," the woman said. "I know you'll like them!"

To my great surprise, Sean was not only thoroughly enjoying the conversation with the couple we barely knew, but also seemed eager to meet their friends in Kentucky.

And that's about it for last night's dreams :>