Insane

So one time I was watching some sort of show in which deductions were being made. One of the deductions hinged on the fact that "no sane person would ever drink straight from an aluminum can without wiping it off first".

So apparently I'm insane.

Alazon

This post was written for what I thought was going to become a Kyou Kara Maou fansite, but since I didn't do anything else with it, I figured I should just put this post here.

Alazon is the main "villain" in Kyou Kara Maou season 3. She has a pale complexion, long, light gold hair, and rich gold eyes. She wears an elaborate headdress and a dress covered by an unorthodox cloak that seems to hold itself in place around her, rather than being draped on her body. There is a red mark on her forehead in a shape not unlike a tulip with two small leaves, and she wears purple lipstick on her top lip.

She is queen of the shinzoku country Seisakoku, elder sister to Beryes, former lover to the late King Gilbert of Shou Shimaron, and Saralegui's mother.

When the shinken disappeared and Seisakoku began falling into ruin, Alazon sent Gilbert and Saralegui away. Her spoken reason was that Seisakoku had no need for those without houryoku. But her true reasoning was more complex. The presence of Gilbert, a human prince, in her weakening country was dangerous. Search parties might come looking for him and take word back to human lands of a country of magical beings, ripe for the plucking. And there was already discontent among her people due to Gilbert. Such strife could only hasten the destruction of a country already on the decline.

Saralegui was a slightly different matter. She sent him away not to protect herself or her country, but to give him what she believed would be a safer, better life. He'd be more at home with others who weren't blessed with natural houryoku, and he'd be better taken care of in a thriving country. She had no way of knowing that Gilbert would be unable to make a connection with his son.

It is certain that Alazon put the welfare of Seisakoku above herself. But perhaps Alazon's mad, blind search for the shinken was also driven by her desire to reunite her family. Perhaps she felt that if she could restore Seisakoku to its former glory, it would be safe to open the borders--or at least to invite Gilbert and Saralegui back. But 18 years passed, Gilbert died and Saralegui grew up, and Alazon's mind grew ever wild and focused. She likely became divorced from the reality that she could never go back to the life she gave up, that her son had become a young man whose heart she didn't know.

She did, however, yearn for the child she gave up--she sent Geneus to learn about Saralegui on the pretext of "using" him in the future, but never revisited the subject. And the day of their unexpected reunion, she was so startled and vulnerable that she was unable to continue with her mission--unable, indeed, to go against Saralegui's wishes.

It takes a good deal of time for Alazon to realize her son's feelings. In fact, it almost seems as though she never does, or at least doesn't know how to deal with them. She orders him to give her the shinken; he refuses to respect her authority. He feels betrayed that she doesn't want him to use the sword to save Seisakoku; she ignores this entirely and approaches the matter with unyielding severity.

Alazon doesn't really ever have a "what have I done?" moment. Even when Saralegui goes mad with anger and sadness, all she can do is what she's always done: fiercely protect, not nurture. She throws herself in front of the burst of negative energy that might otherwise have killed Saralegui. It is then, and only then, that Sara begins to realize the true meaning behind Alazon's seemingly callous actions.

And proud Alazon does not change. She does not apologize to anyone but Geneus. She does not even apologize to her son.

Saralegui is proud, too. In the final episode he shows his mother that he understands her not by giving in to emotion, but by casually remarking that he will return to visit Seisakoku, as he was born there. "Let's meet again someday, Mother."

And then, finally, strong, proud Alazon's lips curve up and compress as eighteen years of tears bathe her face. ㋮

Today's workout

Normally I put my workouts on Twitter, but this one was kind of long so I figured I'd do it here.

• 10 mins treadmill on interval mode, at 3.6mph
• 2 sets of one minute bicep curls with 8lb weights
• 2 sets of one minute tricep kickbacks with 8lb weights
• 2 sets of one minute dumbbell rows with 5lb weights
• 2 sets of one minute lateral raises with 5lb weights
• 10 mins stationary bike on interval mode
• 1 set of one minute bicep curls with 8lb weights
• 1 set of one minute tricep kickbacks with 8lb weights
• 1 set of one minute dumbbell rows with 5lb weights
• 1 set of one minute lateral raises with 5lb weights
• 3 sets leg presses with 130lb weight
• 3 sets back extensions on machine (not sure what weight)
• 10 mins AMT on interval mode (9 and 5)
• 3 sets lat pulldowns on machine (not sure what weight)
• 30 seconds of attempting to push up into tent position with legs on an exercise ball and hands on the floor
• 3 sets of lying on my back tossing and catching a medicine ball
• 60/50/50 crunches
• 60/50/50 obliques
• 25/25/25 back raises on floor
• 25/25/25 knee pushups
• 10 mins walk/jog on treadmill

I felt really good during this workout. In fact, I hit some crazy high while on the AMT and later on the treadmill. The first time I was so ecstatic I wanted to scream as loudly as I could, to let the universe know how awesome I was. The second time I not only wanted to scream, but I also had goosebumps!

After I finished running through that ridiculous routine, I showered off and got in the outdoor pool for a few minutes. They cleared the pool not long after I got in, so I got in the hot tub for a bit...and then I finally came home :)

This is the first time I've gone to the gym on Saturday. It was a great experience overall. There were times that I got kind of bored, but that euphoric feeling, and the wonderful feeling of accomplishment, make it worth it.

Getting toned

I was looking back through my "health"-tagged posts and realized I haven't talked about what I've been doing lately.

The last weight I recorded here on my blog was 217. I'm sorry to say that I'm up to 230. I know some of that must be muscle, but it's still been hard to see that number show up every time I've weighed in the last few weeks. I wasn't very vigilant about eating right while on vacation, and I didn't work out, either. But now I'm back on track, and I'm hoping that a new workout routine, plus packing my lunches, plus Sean and my decision to eat more home-cooked meals, will result in some weight loss.

When I got back from England, it was the middle of the week. I decided to just not worry about anything other than unpacking, organizing, and getting resettled at work. I didn't even see my trainer until the following Tuesday. But starting at that point I began to build some good habits.

Every weekday I have been getting up sometime between 6 and 7. On days when I don't see my trainer I go to the gym earlier than 8 and do 20-30 minutes of cardio, some strength training with free weights and machines, then some ab and back work. If I've made it to the gym early enough, I then go swimming for a bit, and sometimes even have time to sit in the hot tub afterwards. I leave at 9, the same time as I leave when I do see my trainer, which gives me just enough time to get home, shower, pack a lunch, and head out the door.

The first week I was pretty good about packing a lunch, but last week I slipped and this week has been kind of stressful, so I ended up eating out more than I should have. Still, I'm proud that I haven't missed a single workout on the weekdays. I'm hoping to start working out on Saturday, too, but at my trainer's suggestion I'll leave Sunday as a day of rest.

To save money, I'm quitting Weight Watchers and have started using The Daily Plate at LiveStrong.com to track my food and exercise. The UI isn't great, but the food database is exceptional, and I can use the iPhone application without having to be online.

I've already noticed that my arms and legs seem more toned. My trainer says my waist is more toned as well. I can't tell, but I hope it's true! I think I'm on the road to making real progress, rather than just talking about wishing I was.

I have an idea

I think I will create a section of private webspace where I can write whatever I want. From that space I will select things to go public. Some things will never see the light of day. I think by doing this I can avoid most, if not all, of my writing fears, and just write anything and everything. Since it will be private, I'll even be able to write about projects I am working on or would like to work on without fear of some random internet person stealing my ideas.

I'll see about setting up the private area later this week.

Riverwalk

Love it here!

I've changed

I've changed.

In five short years, I've changed.

Five years ago, I'd write about anything, with hardly any reservation. I wrote often. I didn't care what anyone thought. I voiced every opinion I had. I put it all down here on my blog with no fear and no sense of responsibility.

I'm in my 30s now. And I've changed.

I don't know if I'm more mature, or if I've lost something.

Now, there are so many things I want to say that I don't. Writing has always been my one true outlet...but I've become more aware of the power of words. With words, I can injure. And with words, I can inadvertently give away my own being.

Sometimes I want to write and don't because I don't have time.

Sometimes, I'm afraid to write.

But I miss it. I miss scattering my thoughts with abandon. And I know at least some of you miss following behind to pick them up again.

Whenever I resolve to write more, I mean it. It doesn't happen because I've changed.

I'm not sure how to change back. I'm not sure I even should.

Web presence, branding, and managing perceptions

Facebook users are now, as of 12:01 this morning, able to pick usernames, thus creating easy-to-remember links to their Profiles. (More information here.)

For some, picking a username was easy. I was not one of those people. I went back and forth up to the last minute between my real name and the online nick I've had since I first joined AOL in the early 90s.

Here's why the choice wasn't obvious.

Differences Among Social Networks

A lot of people treat all their online profiles the same way. They put the same information in every profile and link all their profiles to each other. In this post I'm dealing with social networking sites, but many people do this for all sites they frequent, whether there are communities built around them or not.

I have always viewed my online interactions on a community basis. The people I interact with on one site are not necessarily the people I interact with on another. I don't see the point in having the same people on every single online application. Joining people in an online world is akin to being in a club--we're all there because we share a certain interest, and we've chosen these means to explore that interest. A web application's features ultimately determine what community it's best for, through social evolution. Similarly, the content I publish is geared towards the community where I'm posting it.

Twitter, for example, is a microblog and conversation and news source and directory and more. It's a way to track what's interesting to people in the fields I'm interested in, and it's also a way for me to drive my own creativity by getting random thoughts out of my head and into the world. I don't simply follow everyone I know, because not everyone I know uses Twitter the way I use it. Similarly, I will follow and interact with people I don't know if they are using Twitter the way I use it.

Some people have their Twitter and Facebook accounts linked, and post the same things to both. I tried that at first, but it seemed awkward and foreign, because ultimately I use Facebook and Twitter differently. The things I want my Twitter followers to see are not the same things I want my close friends and family to see--and those are the people I want to have on Facebook.

I don't use Facebook for networking. I don't friend everyone who wants to friend me, and I don't advertise my page. I keep my professional life separate as well; I do not friend employers, past or present.

Facebook, to me, has always been about organizing people I am or have been close to. It's been a lifesaver, a way to keep track of real life friends who I don't interact with in other ways on the web. I have old friends from school, distant family members, and work friends there. I also have old online friends there, friends from my IRC or AMRN days who I don't see often anymore.

The way I behave on Facebook is different from the way I behave elsewhere online. I censor certain things. I keep it fairly clean, and I don't get deep into issues like politics and religion. On Facebook, I'm managing the perceptions of people who haven't necessarily followed my blog for years, or who don't see me every day, or who otherwise aren't at the forefront of my life--but who are still very important to me.

These people are not interested in what I had for lunch, unless I had lunch at a Michelin-star restaurant in another country. These people don't want to hear me bitch and moan. These people could care less about the minutiae of my day. I keep those things out of my Facebook and on my Twitter and blog where they belong. Instead, I let people know occasionally what's going on with me, and I read what's going on with them and comment or Like their updates. It's a simple interaction, a way to say "Hey, I'm thinking about you" without getting in too deep. The memes, quizzes, and applications like Free Gifts and Flair that get passed around are the same--simple ways to reach out to people I care about and don't see often, hopefully without overwhelming them.

There's also a certain level of trust involved with Facebook. I have private contact information there for the use of people I know in real life, and I don't really care to make my interactions with everyone I know public. Facebook is like a walled garden where I can mingle and observe without worrying too much about the outside world.

A Personal Brand

Since I use Facebook mostly for people I know offline, my real name makes the most sense as a Facebook username. And indeed, this is the reasoning behind my choice. However, there is another factor that weighed on me: branding.

I have not yet decided on a personal brand--a way to market myself once I get going on all the ideas currently stewing on the back burner. I have many options: my real name, the name of my website, any of my online personas, or something completely new.

Using my real name for my Facebook Profile's username could mean I've removed it from the running for a brand. Why? Because, as stated above, I do not use Facebook for networking. I do not necessarily want potential clients, business partners, etc. looking up my profile there--not because they'd be able to see anything (I have strict privacy settings) but because I wouldn't want to offend any of them by declining their friend requests.

If I had already chosen to use my name as my brand, and I had created a Facebook Page for that purpose, then I could have given that Page my real name. Now I don't have that option.

It's Better Than Nothing

Given my consternation over choosing a username, I could have opted to wait, or not to register a username at all. Facebook usernames are permanent, after all. I can never change it. The only way I could get a new username would be to create a completely different account.

It's a sobering fact, and one that sparked the unwelcome thought "What if I make my username heathermeadows and then we get divorced?" (A younger me would never have even entertained this notion, because obviously Sean and I are going to be together forever. But being married to Sean has gradually instilled in me not only a rather wicked sense of humor, but also a kind of cold objectivity that comes out when it's time to make big decisions.) For that reason I briefly pondered getting my maiden name instead--and really, that might have made it easier for old friends to find me.

Regardless, I knew that the longer I waited, the less chance there'd be of getting an optimal username. Plenty of people stayed up late specifically to snag their names. My name is not uncommon, either. If I wanted my typical online name I could probably have waited, since it's unique to me...but if I wanted my real name I had to act immediately.

In the end, I decided to just go with my gut. I sat at facebook.com/username and waited for the countdown to finish. At magic time, a blue Continue button appeared. I hit it, reflexively tagged the radio button next to Facebook's suggestion of my real name, then hit Confirm.

It was over, just like that.

Moving Forward

The web and our use of it are always evolving. It's possible that in the future I will want to use Facebook differently than I do today. I've already made exceptions to my standard rules by friending a couple of local people who I've never actually met.

It's also possible that Facebook will disappear and all of this will be moot.

But no matter what happens online, my name will always be my name. So despite the above concerns, I think it's safe to say I made the correct long-term choice.

Detective Conan episode 535: The payoff

It only took 13 years!

Maybe someday Conan will tell Ran that he's really Shinichi. (Episode 1000? ;P)

Short attention span

Sometimes I will eat about three bites of my meal and think, "Okay, that's enough of that. Can I have something different now?" The multi-course meal I enjoyed with Brooke and David at The Old Vicarage is a good example of how I seem to want to be fed.

A nice place for lunch

User interface fail

I always have to stare at that picture for a minute before I remember
how to stick my card in.

Fajitas, how I've missed you!

Fish and chips

My last dinner in England. Appropriate I suppose!

Quick England rundown

As you may know, I've been in England visiting Brooke and David since May 21 (I left on May 20 and arrived the next day), and I'm going home tomorrow, June 2. The following are Facebook statuses that I've been posting quickly each day so as to not forget everything we've done. I do hope to go back and actually write about this trip, and these notes will help.

Day 1: Arrived, unpacked, napped, had fish and chips, and went to British Wal-Mart.

Day 2: Cereal while watching the BBC and NHK, waiting for the sleepyheads, lunch at Wagamama Japanese, stroll through Sheffield Town Center, drive around Peak District with stops for photos, steak and kidney pie at Red Lion Inn, quick grocery stop for supplies for picnicking in Wales!

Day 3: WALES! A walk through Conwy Castle, then a drive in and around Snowdonia. Absolutely beautiful! Quite a drive from Sheffield, but totally worth it.

Day 4: Relaxation galore. Felt a little sick so stayed in and rested and visited with David's family. Had lovely snacks and sandwiches for lunch and Indian takeout for dinner.

Day 5: Whitby, a lovely seaside town with charming shops, great restaurants, and amazing, beautiful abbey ruins on a hillside. Saw train station used in Harry Potter on the way back!

Day 6: Another rest day. Ran errands and played with David's telescope. Saw the surface of the moon, plus Saturn and two of its moons!

Day 7: Hardwick, home of Brooke's hero, Bess, Countess of Shrewsbury; and Sherwood Forest.

Day 8: Shopping, eating, York Minster, and the train museum in York, then exploring the origins of the Pilgrims.

Day 9: Newstead Abbey, home of Lord Byron, with Emma, Jessica, and James, then amazing six-course dinner at The Old Vicarage, a Michelin Star restaurant.

Day 10: Picnic lunch at Roche Abbey with the Kenmores and Robertses. Ruins exploration and soccer-kicking a kickball around the lawn. Then, dinner with David's parents. And I got birthday cards and presents!

Day 11: LONDON! Sherlock Holmes museum, Waiting for Godot with Ian McKellen and Patrick Stewart, a photowalk around Trafalgar Square, and dinner in Chinatown.