Had a bad dream

I almost got up at 5, but then I decided I wanted to sleep in for an hour. Guess that was a bad idea :P

I dreamed that I was in Japan and there were all sorts of people from my past there, and we were attending school. At one point I opened my notebook and a little folded note was there. Melissa Christopher, my old best friend from fourth and fifth grade, happened to be standing near my desk, and she said, "Yeah, there's a note in there, but..."

"Read it after I've gone home?" I asked.

"No," Melissa said. "It's just that you've been nothing to me." As she said the last few words, she started crying and having difficulty speaking. Then she strode swiftly away.

It's true that Melissa and I haven't seen each other more than a handful of times since elementary school. I occasionally bump into her at the Nicholasville Wal-Mart. And I do feel regret for how I treated her in middle school, back when I basically dumped her in favor of Noelle. But in the dream all I felt was annoyance.

After that school day, I went by an optometrist's place because I had read in Michael Jennings' blog that he was going to be there, and I wanted to say hi. I saw a guy who looked like him sitting in the office with a girl who I believed was his girlfriend, so I waved and smiled and said hi. The guy sort of blinked at me, and then I looked past him and saw the real Michael and his girlfriend behind them. I was really embarrassed.

After awhile, Michael's girlfriend (who I have never met in real life, by the way, and I have no idea what she looks like, so this is just a pretend person I guess) and I went back to my host family's house, where we were apparently staying. My host family conveniently spoke English, and Otou-san drove an SUV. The girl and I spent a long time lying around and talking. It didn't really occur to me in the dream, but now that I think about it, the girl was kind of clingy, and it might have been sexual. But nothing happened, and the evening passed and then it was the next day.

I turned on an episode of Sailor Moon in the living room (it didn't seem to be my host family's real house; there was a separate den and eating area), but then it was time for breakfast before school so I turned it off and we went to eat. While we were sitting there, the girl suddenly started saying things to my host family about how mean and stupid I was. This was, of course, a shock, because I'd thought we were getting along fine. She started bringing up all sorts of things that I had apparently done back in elementary school--somehow the girl had become a childhood friend rather than Michael's girlfriend. (Dream logic...) And she said that I had turned on the wrong TV in the den because I was so stupid. I could tell that she was mad at me for something else, and I assumed it was because I had kept out of touch--the same reason Melissa was upset in the dream. But she wouldn't stop insulting me, so I was wrestling with her trying to make her stop, and we were both yelling "I hate you!" at each other.

Then my alarm went off, so I have no idea how it would have ended.

I don't know if this dream is a product of me not needing to sleep anymore plus reading Hyper's blog post yesterday about losing old classmates as friends--maybe that affected me subconsciously, while consciously all I thought was "Yeah, that happens, and it's sad". Maybe I still have some guilt left over from school, from not keeping in touch with classmates. (Even Noelle, who I do keep in regular contact with, went to Hawaii and I didn't even know until she sent me a link to her pictures from the trip yesterday.)

I do think that I'm afraid that I don't know how to be a proper friend. I seem to have two attitude "poles": "oh well, screw 'em" for people who I don't see much for whatever reason--i.e., I don't think about the fact that I'm not seeing them, nor do I try to come up with ways to keep in touch; and "way too clingy", for friends who I see every day and who I spend time with frequently. The thing is, people can easily drop from the clingy category into the screw 'em category, just by not being around enough. I'm not happy with that.

I want a better way of keeping track of people and staying in contact with them, I guess...and I want to be a better friend to the people who care about me, and who I realize I care about when I actually bother to think about it.

Boston pics are all up now.

I've uploaded, organized, and captioned the pics. They are available here.

It was a really great trip. I loved meeting David; he's a great guy and a wonderful travel companion. Boston and Providence were both beautiful, and I really enjoyed taking pictures of both. I wish the trip had been a little longer, but I guess it's better to leave wanting more than to leave thoroughly tired of the place.

The bad thing about vacations is how much I eat, and how I get used to having dessert with pretty much every meal. I made grilled chicken, onions, and bell peppers with egg noodles tonight, and it was very filling, and I was content when I finished, but now I'm thinking I should be eating some sort of brownie or pie, with ice cream. It's just wrong! I don't need dessert! O_O

I wish I could just travel all the time, and that I didn't have to go to work...or, if anything, I could do my work from the road...

Winnebago Man

AJ was checking Google to see if he was spelling "Winnebago" correctly, and happened upon this fantastic movie. It's almost as good as those Thundercats outtakes. (And if you've heard those, that should give you an idea of the content. Grownups and very mature kids only, please.)

This is why I love writing.

i'm still hoping that if i drive my car around enough, i'll pollute the environment enough to trigger a massive advance in global warming, shifting wind currents and altering the drifting patterns of certain north atlantic icebergs, provoking an acclerated rate of polar reversal. then i can make a snow angel.

Goei, you rock.

Damn those electrons! Foiled again!

What Kind of Geek are You?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Your IQ is	high
You are a	word nerd
Your strength is	you actually have social skills
Your weakness is	electrons
You think normal people are	stupid
Normal people think that you are	satanic
This Quiz by owlsamantha - Taken 35116 Times.

You know what job would suck?

Air traffic controller on Coruscant ;P

After The Pallbearer ended, I watched Episode II, which was on HBO. And you know...I like it. It's a good movie. There is only one thing that annoys me, and that's Threepio's overdone puns. Otherwise, I'm really happy with it.

Even the so-called "wooden" acting...I think Padme and Anakin's scenes work because their love isn't pure, isn't true, isn't based on a solid foundation. Their love is based on a mutual desire to escape their societal roles, roles they took on before they were old enough to understand what they were doing. The rest of it is simple lust. They feel trapped, and the only way to express this emotion, to "fight back", is to love each other, to indulge in the exciting feeling of doing something "wrong".

It's ironic that this forbidden love, this betrayal of the very rules the two of them pledged their lives to protect, is actually, in the end, what saves the galaxy from Palpatine's Empire.

This is only the second time I've seen the movie. I think I was afraid to watch it again because I kept hearing how other people dislike it. I was afraid that I would realize that my first impression was wrong, and that all it was was bad acting after all. But no, I think I'm right.

Either way, I enjoyed the movie :)

I guess I should have dinner at some point.

So much for that

My plans were curtailed by not being able to get the car, so I walked and walked and walked around Providence. It was a good walk, and I saw some neat stuff...pictures are here. But ultimately I wandered too far--all the way to North Providence--and by the time I made it back downtown, my feet were killing me.

I've been back at the hotel since about 3:30, relaxing, resting my feet, eating hotel chocolate mints, and watching a movie called The Pallbearer, which is really amoral/bizarre and revolves around one of those characters who can't seem to make a decision and who exudes a complete lack of confidence in himself. The situation is totally ridiculous and irritating...but I can't stop watching it, it's like a train wreck.

My day

I'm on my own today. First priority: get cleaned up. Second priority: walk over to the convention center and get the car. Third priority: EAT SOMETHING.

After that, I'm going to head towards Boston, and see what I can see of Cambridge.

Wish me luck!

Shelley is channeling ME!

OMG.

We're here :)

Pictures.

I'll write more later, but for now I'd like to get some shut-eye :) The guys are already conked out.

Off to Boston

Or, more precisely, Providence, Rhode Island.

As soon as we get there I am going to invest in some serious mappage. ;P

We've purchased a wireless card for the laptop, so we may be able to get online more than expected. Either way, we should be online from the hotel room.

*loudly and obnoxiously* I wish I had a million dollars!

Ask and ye shall receive, apparently.

Central Anime is fansubbing Touch. The rip is direct from laserdisc; the font is the right color (yellow with black shading), size (large enough to see on a regular TV) and shape/position (it doesn't trail too far to either side of the screen, or too far to the bottom); and the translation is superb. It looks just like a professional release.

I would be ecstatically happy with just the above...but on top of all that, they're releasing episodes fast! (And with 101 total, speed is important...)

So go forth, my children, and download Touch as subbed by Central Anime!

(Hope someone out there hears my request for moolah, too!)

On the bright side--I'm drinking CRAN-APPLE JUICE!!!!!!!!

And damn it's good.

Should have caught a flight to Augusta today, but oh well

That's the gamble with non-revs/Buddy Passes. I spent the afternoon lounging around Blue Grass Airport (LEX, which I always knew as Bluegrass Field--guess they're going for prestige, not that you can tell by their website).

So anyway.

Now I'm back at the parents' house, and I hope to catch a flight tomorrow.

I'm not sure I would want to fool with sitting around hoping for a flight while I was on a regular vacation.

"Gifted"

I got in about an hour ago from hanging out with AJ, Faye, Ben, Manda, and Dan. We played Cranium and sat around shooting the breeze for hours; it was great. I got back here and caught up on my online reading (webcomics and the AMRN, which Sam has just jump-started), and I should be going to bed, but I wanted to mention what happened today while I was at Wal-Mart shopping for the cookout we had this evening.

An older woman with yellowish-white hair and a calm, confident face said, "Heather?"

I stopped my cart in the middle of the row, looked at the woman. It's Mrs. Braden, I thought. But I wasn't sure, so I said, "Yes?"

"It's so good to see you! I'm glad it was you; I thought it was. Do you know who I am?"

"Mrs. Braden?" By now I was pretty sure, but I was still relieved when she affirmed it.

Mrs. Braden was my AP English teacher, senior year of high school. I last saw her in 1997 I think, when I visited my high school to see all my teachers. Since then I believe she has retired.

"I wondered whether or not you'd remember me," she said.

"Of course," I replied. "I think about you all the time." It's true; Mrs. Braden was the reason I was able to write college papers without taking the 101s. She helped me to understand that you can write in any writing style you need to, and that you should tailor your writing to your subject and your audience for maximum effectiveness. This is a lesson that I think many people don't learn; they're afraid that their writing "voice" will be lost if they try to micromanage their style. By refusing to edit themselves, these people are holding themselves back, refusing to craft. I'm glad that I was brought to understand early what it means to write with a purpose--even if I was lazy and ignored the lesson for years afterwards.

"I was thinking about you just the other day," Mrs. Braden replied, which surprised me, as she has had literally hundreds of students, "and that final portfolio of yours."

Kentucky instituted a new standardized test system under KERA, the Kentucky Education Reform Act, in 1990, while I was in middle school. These tests, then known as KIRIS, replaced the old CTBS tests. Part of the system required students to compile portfolios of works in order to graduate from both middle and high school. When I was in eighth grade, KERA had only recently been enacted, so while I created an English portfolio for that year, it wasn't as important as the one I had to make for high school. (I also had to put together a math portfolio for high school.)

These portfolios were a collection of a student's best work done in that segment of education (e.g., anytime during high school). Students compiled the papers, revised them, ordered them, created a table of contents, wrote an introductory letter explaining what the works were and why they were chosen, and handed in the final result in a professional-looking folder. I personally found the portfolio creation process to be a lot of fun, mainly because most of the work was already done (I'd done the research and the writing work for class, and revision wasn't a big deal), and because the final product seemed so impressive.

For my English portfolio, I included a huge report on Benjamin Banneker that I'd labored on for my sophomore year social studies class--a report that my teacher, Mr. Galloway, said I should try to get published in a magazine; a grant proposal for an archaeological dig to find the burial place of Llewellyn ab Gruffydd, the last true Prince of Wales, which I had created for my senior year anthropology class; the beginning of Randes' tale from my still-unfinished "Warrior" saga/novel/whatever, which I had been writing on my own; plus two other works--I remember there were five, but I don't remember what they all were.

In the end, my portfolio was huge. Two teachers (I won't say who they were because they weren't supposed to do this) took me aside the day after I handed it in, told me it was amazing, and said right off the bat that I was obviously going to get a Distinguished for it. (There are four "grades" for portfolios, and for the standardized tests, too: Novice, Apprentice, Proficient, and Distinguished. If you're interested, I got a Proficient on the math portfolio.)

"Are you still writing?" Mrs. Braden asked.

"Not really," I said, thinking of this journal and how it's all the writing I do at all anymore, especially now that I've quit the AMRN for good.

We spent awhile catching up--I assured her that I'm in remission, told her that I got married and about my job, and gave her my contact information, and she told me about her brother who is also in remission, and how she herself has been battling skin cancer--and then as we prepared to part ways she said, "You really should start writing again. You're so gifted."

I was sort of embarrassed, and looked away and said, "Well, I journal, but that's about it." I really wasn't sure what to say.

I don't know what to say, even now. I could condemn myself for being lazy, or for being afraid to try to write because of what I and others expect from my writing. I could complain that I have nothing interesting to say. I could muse that it seems like whenever I try to write something, it comes out terrible. But I don't know, I'm tired of going over and over all that stuff. I want a better answer, like I don't write because I don't want to, or that I am planning to write again. Something that isn't me sitting around in limbo.

Right now, though, I really need to get to bed. Gotta catch an early afternoon flight tomorrow. Hope I wake up in time.