Ask me four questions.Both of them have stipulations, which is understandable given that this little "meme" makes people extremely vulnerable.
Any four, no matter how personal, private or random.
I have to answer them honestly. I have to answer them all.
In turn, you post this message in your own journal and you have to answer the questions that are asked to you.
This seems like something that I would be eager to participate in. And I am interested in seeing what four questions people would ask me. I don't have any stipulations, either...you can post anonymously if you want, and I don't care if you don't put the questions on your own journal.
But I'm not so thrilled about the part where I have to ask other people four questions. It somehow seems strange to me, discussing private things in a vacuum like that. Using an Internet quiz to get to the meaty matters that typically fall beneath the surface of normal conversation.
I guess I prefer to ask my impertinent questions without the assistance (read: safety zone) of structure.
In any event, if anyone out there wants to ask me any questions, I'll answer honestly, as always. But I think I'll have to ponder awhile before I can come up with questions for anyone else.
6 comments:
It took me a long time to thing of this. I put the hard question to Dawn, and I felt it would be unfair not to do the same for you.
The format won't be the same. This is going to be one question. I don't think it needs much exposition. There is only one because I have only one other hard question, and I don't think I should ask it.
1)You are excessively self critical. You have talents, skills and interests enough for any two women, yet you persist in seeing the worst in yourself, taking to heart any criticism and rejecting or dismissing praise. Why do you hate yourself so much? (perhaps “hate” is too strong a word. Feel free to insert dislike)
Heh. Good question!
I'm not sure if I really know the reason. I do know some things about myself that lead me to evaluate myself the way I do.
When I was in middle school, teachers started to notice that I was intelligent, and that I hadn't been placed in gifted classes. They tried to fix that, and they also encouraged me to participate in academic competitions, which I did.
I got a really big head from this. I was in sixth grade and I thought I was super-awesome and could do anything I wanted without trying. This opinion lingered for the rest of middle school. I didn't try as hard as I used to, and my grades slipped a little (I got my first B). I also never made first in the writing competition again after doing so in 6th grade.
High school arrived, and with it came a huge blow to my ego. For one thing, there was the guy I liked, who couldn't care less that I existed. This situation persisted pretty much for all of high school. Then there was the fact that I was meeting so many other smart people. I suddenly wasn't special anymore. I didn't stand out so much. I hadn't befriended any of my teachers, either. I felt more like a number than a person.
(My high school was overcrowded. The year after I graduated, it was split into two facilities.)
Anyway, I ended up hating myself for being so arrogant in middle school. I decided that humility was the way to go, that I didn't deserve to be so self-confident. I just put in my time like everyone else; I was nothing special. At the same time, I wanted to be special, and I hated myself for wanting that.
I have gained some self-confidence since then, but I still battle with my arrogance. In recent years I have treated it with humor, such as by making self-deprecating remarks about how egotistical I am.
I am also rather obsessed with results. I'm not sure where that comes from. But I seem to want high test scores, or to get an awesome GPA, or to have a high-powered job, or what have you. Again, I guess, it's that desire to be special, only I seem to think that I have to gain awards or titles in order to be special. To meet goals, or something. And I get so involved in wanting to accomplish something that I hardly ever work towards anything, and that upsets me because then I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels. And I look back on my life and say "What have I really done?", and this makes me unhappy with myself.
I mean, I could think, "I am the only child in my family with a college degree. And I have two of them! Neither of my parents have degrees, but I have two!" But instead, I think, "My college GPA was 3.388. I didn't get to graduate cum laude because I slacked off in too many classes."
I could think, "I was practically teacher's pet in AP English. My writing was adored by Mrs. Braden, and to this day she thinks of me and waits for the day when I will be published. I am a good writer." But instead I think, "I am a waste of talent. I never use my abilities for anything."
I am highly competitive, and I have double standards. I expect more out of myself than I expect from anyone else. And whenever I fail to meet my impossible standards, I lose respect for myself. I'm trapped in a cycle of false starts because I'm afraid of letting myself down.
The answer is to let go of all that, and just be, and just do. But it's so much easier to say that than it is to do it.
I guess the upshot is that I don't really know why I hate myself. I would guess that it's a combination of my natural personality and the experiences I've had.
However, I think I will grow out of this. I was able to overcome my body issues. It took many years, but now I don't look in the mirror and hate what I see. I actually tend to like it, even though I'm pretty far from an ideal weight. I think that with a little more time I will be able to figure out how to deal with this, too.
1) Do you think that Malaysia would be a good place to visit sometime if you have the funds and time to? As in, does it interest you?
I think for the time being, that's about the only question that I'll ask. ^_^
- Dawn
Oh, definitely!
I will admit that I probably never would have thought about visiting Malaysia before meeting you. You are a primary motivator for my wanting to visit. But since knowing you, my interest in southeast Asian countries has only increased. I would eventually like to go on a tour of that whole area.
Of course, ideally I would get to spend lots of time in KL or in your hometown, because visiting you would be the highlight of the whole trip :)
FACT PATROL IS ON THE LOOSE
Our high school didn't split until the year after *I* graduated. Not you guys. We were the last to graduate from "Jessamine County High School" before they went gay and made East and West. :>
(Why not just make up new names entirely? :D)
Really? I could have sworn it split right after I graduated. Oh well!
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