Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Cow skirt
Sometimes I come up with funny conversations in my head. Today this one abruptly floated into my consciousness.
"You're wearing your cow skirt today!"
"...cow skirt?"
"Oh, I said that because of the pattern, not because it makes you look like a cow. It does, but that wasn't what I meant."
"You're wearing your cow skirt today!"
"...cow skirt?"
"Oh, I said that because of the pattern, not because it makes you look like a cow. It does, but that wasn't what I meant."
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Chicken Waldorf Salad Wrap
today :P
A little awkward
Names abbreviated to protect, well, everyone.
JA: Have you seen JT today?
Me: Can't say that I have.
JA: Well, she has this big...mark in the middle of her forehead. And as I was talking to her, I actually stopped to look at it. Then, you know, I tried to keep going, but...man, I don't know if it's a bruise or what. So if you see her...
Me: Try not to stare?
JA: Yeah.
If my work was a sitcom, at this point we'd cut to a scene where I'm staring at the mark on JT's forehead. That hasn't actually happened.
...yet.
Update: Hours later, I suddenly remembered something.
Me: Did it occur to you when you saw the mark on JT's forehead that today's Ash Wednesday?
JA: ...no it did not. But now that you mention it...
JA: Have you seen JT today?
Me: Can't say that I have.
JA: Well, she has this big...mark in the middle of her forehead. And as I was talking to her, I actually stopped to look at it. Then, you know, I tried to keep going, but...man, I don't know if it's a bruise or what. So if you see her...
Me: Try not to stare?
JA: Yeah.
If my work was a sitcom, at this point we'd cut to a scene where I'm staring at the mark on JT's forehead. That hasn't actually happened.
...yet.
Update: Hours later, I suddenly remembered something.
Me: Did it occur to you when you saw the mark on JT's forehead that today's Ash Wednesday?
JA: ...no it did not. But now that you mention it...
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Data
I was very "Oh, I'm so awesome!" in my New Year's Resolution post, but since then I haven't been awesome at all. I can place some of the blame on two unexpected periods, and some of the blame on cold weather that discouraged me from getting on the bike...but these are excuses, not reasons. The fact is that I have been lazy.
I've also been weak; the photos on this blog can attest to that. Look at all the crap I've been eating! I've fallen back into my old habits, where I feel bad, so I eat, and then I feel bad about eating, so I eat more.
If this doesn't stop I'm never going to lose any more weight. In fact, I'll gain it all back.
It's gotten to the point that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I'm posting this in the hopes that it will serve as fresh motivation. Last week I started going to a personal trainer; we did measurements, and they are as follows:
I've also been weak; the photos on this blog can attest to that. Look at all the crap I've been eating! I've fallen back into my old habits, where I feel bad, so I eat, and then I feel bad about eating, so I eat more.
If this doesn't stop I'm never going to lose any more weight. In fact, I'll gain it all back.
It's gotten to the point that I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I haven't felt this way in a long time.
I'm posting this in the hopes that it will serve as fresh motivation. Last week I started going to a personal trainer; we did measurements, and they are as follows:
| Biometrics | |
|---|---|
| Height (in) | 63.3 |
| Weight (lbs) | 214 |
| Chest Girth (in) | 45 |
| Abdomen Girth (in) | 40.75 |
| Waist Girth (in) | 40.5 |
| Hips Girth (in) | 49 |
| Waist to Hip Ratio | .83 |
| Bicep Girth R (in) | 14.2 |
| Thigh Girth R (in) | 26 |
| Calf Girth R (in) | 16.5 |
| Body Mass Index (BMI) | 37.5 |
| Body Composition | |
| 3 Site Skinfold | 25.2% |
| Lean Body Mass | 160 lbs |
| Sum of Skinfolds | 67.5 |
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Beautiful chirashi
The octopus is sandwiched between lemon slices, which adds a pleasing flavor! I am a fan of this.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Making a "Mock Danish"
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
A horrible day turns good, then weird (TMI)
Today I felt terrible. I was on the verge of tears well into early afternoon, and then I actually did cry.
It started with my new, poorly-researched diet plan. I had had high hopes for the iPhone application Dietician, and what happy changes it might bring to my life. I got up at 7 and fiddled around until around 8:15 and then went shopping to get the groceries to follow Dietician's plan for this week.
And already I'd hit a stumbling block. Dietician's shopping lists are "today", or today plus 7 or 14 days. Think about the logistics of shopping for today's meals for a minute. So I'm supposed to go to the grocery store before breakfast, and then cook everything that needs to be cooked when I get back, before work?
I ran around the store in a frenzy, trying to get everything on the list, which was very inconveniently not sorted by grocery store section. Making matters more difficult was the fact that the amount of each food item was not totaled up; I had to do it in my head as I went. I had known about these cons to the program when I bought it, but I hadn't realized just how much of a pain they were going to be until I actually tried it.
I got as many of the items as I could before I realized I was way out of time--another con: when you have Dietician open, you can't see the clock! Then I checked out and hurried home and threw everything into the refrigerator and freezer. Of course, I had no time to prepare the recipes that were assigned for today. So I gave up and tossed cereal and my leftover meatloaf sandwich half in my lunch box and flew off to work.
I hadn't had anything to eat and the new diet plan I'd had such high hopes for had turned out to be a disaster. Those were perfectly good reasons to be upset, and so I figured that was all it was. I was as pleasant as I could possibly be to everyone--fortunately I wasn't in one of my evil moods, just a very self-piteous one. But I had trouble concentrating and ended up eating what I'd packed for lunch almost immediately, and then, over my late lunch break, I decided to escape to Boll Weevil. I started crying almost as soon as I got into my car and the tears didn't stop until I got there.
Originally I figured I'd eat something ridiculously bad for me that I hadn't allowed myself to eat in awhile, but after that meatloaf sandwich I really didn't feel up to it, so I ended up having a salad with chicken salad on top. The chicken salad was a treat; I've hardly ever had it in the past year due to all the mayonnaise. Then I decided I wanted cake. Big gooey all chocolate cake. So I ordered a slice of Perfect Chocolate Cake, which is really the equivalent of two or three pieces, and ate quite a bit of it.
It was simply amazing how I felt about a half hour after that. My concentration returned. I was smiling. I felt productive. I had honestly expected to be even more miserable due to guilt over eating so much bad-for-me food, but that feeling was nowhere to be found. I felt...happy.
I finished up some niggling tasks and laid out a plan for tomorrow. Finally it was time to leave. I stopped in the bathroom on my way out...and that's when I discovered what might account for it all.
Blood. Just a trace.
"You're kidding," I said aloud. I double-checked. "You're not kidding."
When I got home I looked at my calendar. I'd had a period in January that lasted nine days. It had started on January 10--30 days ago.
This could very well be a regular cycle.
You must understand, I have not had normal periods without the assistance of hormone medication since before I had cancer in 1997. I have occasionally had periods, but each one was isolated, with the next coming months or years later.
I am still having trouble believing that I'm having one now, so soon after the last. So...normally!
It is obviously premature to assume this means anything, other than perhaps that my weight loss efforts have helped my whole body become healthier. But if you know me, you know that my thoughts immediately went to the possibility of children. Try as I might, I can't imagine that I'll give up all hope until I'm too old.
For now, though, I'm concentrating on immediate truths: that ultimately this is a good thing, that I'm getting healthier, that there's nothing wrong with me...and that I can cure PMS with chocolate.
I wish I could go back in time and comfort mid-afternoon me, who sat in her car wailing "Why does this keep happening to me?" with tears streaming down her face.
It's okay, me. It's just your period.
It started with my new, poorly-researched diet plan. I had had high hopes for the iPhone application Dietician, and what happy changes it might bring to my life. I got up at 7 and fiddled around until around 8:15 and then went shopping to get the groceries to follow Dietician's plan for this week.
And already I'd hit a stumbling block. Dietician's shopping lists are "today", or today plus 7 or 14 days. Think about the logistics of shopping for today's meals for a minute. So I'm supposed to go to the grocery store before breakfast, and then cook everything that needs to be cooked when I get back, before work?
I ran around the store in a frenzy, trying to get everything on the list, which was very inconveniently not sorted by grocery store section. Making matters more difficult was the fact that the amount of each food item was not totaled up; I had to do it in my head as I went. I had known about these cons to the program when I bought it, but I hadn't realized just how much of a pain they were going to be until I actually tried it.
I got as many of the items as I could before I realized I was way out of time--another con: when you have Dietician open, you can't see the clock! Then I checked out and hurried home and threw everything into the refrigerator and freezer. Of course, I had no time to prepare the recipes that were assigned for today. So I gave up and tossed cereal and my leftover meatloaf sandwich half in my lunch box and flew off to work.
I hadn't had anything to eat and the new diet plan I'd had such high hopes for had turned out to be a disaster. Those were perfectly good reasons to be upset, and so I figured that was all it was. I was as pleasant as I could possibly be to everyone--fortunately I wasn't in one of my evil moods, just a very self-piteous one. But I had trouble concentrating and ended up eating what I'd packed for lunch almost immediately, and then, over my late lunch break, I decided to escape to Boll Weevil. I started crying almost as soon as I got into my car and the tears didn't stop until I got there.
Originally I figured I'd eat something ridiculously bad for me that I hadn't allowed myself to eat in awhile, but after that meatloaf sandwich I really didn't feel up to it, so I ended up having a salad with chicken salad on top. The chicken salad was a treat; I've hardly ever had it in the past year due to all the mayonnaise. Then I decided I wanted cake. Big gooey all chocolate cake. So I ordered a slice of Perfect Chocolate Cake, which is really the equivalent of two or three pieces, and ate quite a bit of it.
It was simply amazing how I felt about a half hour after that. My concentration returned. I was smiling. I felt productive. I had honestly expected to be even more miserable due to guilt over eating so much bad-for-me food, but that feeling was nowhere to be found. I felt...happy.
I finished up some niggling tasks and laid out a plan for tomorrow. Finally it was time to leave. I stopped in the bathroom on my way out...and that's when I discovered what might account for it all.
Blood. Just a trace.
"You're kidding," I said aloud. I double-checked. "You're not kidding."
When I got home I looked at my calendar. I'd had a period in January that lasted nine days. It had started on January 10--30 days ago.
This could very well be a regular cycle.
You must understand, I have not had normal periods without the assistance of hormone medication since before I had cancer in 1997. I have occasionally had periods, but each one was isolated, with the next coming months or years later.
I am still having trouble believing that I'm having one now, so soon after the last. So...normally!
It is obviously premature to assume this means anything, other than perhaps that my weight loss efforts have helped my whole body become healthier. But if you know me, you know that my thoughts immediately went to the possibility of children. Try as I might, I can't imagine that I'll give up all hope until I'm too old.
For now, though, I'm concentrating on immediate truths: that ultimately this is a good thing, that I'm getting healthier, that there's nothing wrong with me...and that I can cure PMS with chocolate.
I wish I could go back in time and comfort mid-afternoon me, who sat in her car wailing "Why does this keep happening to me?" with tears streaming down her face.
It's okay, me. It's just your period.
Ginormous piece of cake
...okay maybe not, but it is still huge. I fear anyone whose stomach is actually this large.
Boll Weevil Chicken Salad Salad
Don't worry. I also plan to have chocolate cake. :P
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Reboot
Lately I have had a hard time maintaining healthy habits. I've been crushed by a need to lose more weight now, and that has locked me into a cycle of disappointment and bad choices. I tried to stay positive, but each day my weigh-in has made me more and more depressed. This last week, to avoid that feeling, I decided to only weigh in on Mondays...but I ended up making very poor food choices this week, including lots of chocolate and grease. I haven't weighed in and I'm not looking forward to it.
I've decided that the only way to get out of this self-destructive pattern is a hard reboot. I need to just start over. I need to throw out the weight loss of 2008 as if it never happened, and start from zero. I need to eliminate the pressure of past success and focus on being healthy.
To that end, I am downloading an iPhone application called "Dietician". I can enter my current weight, my goal weight, and what type of diet I want, and this application will generate recipes, a meal schedule, and shopping lists for me. Rather than feeling bad that I never have the time or motivation to create my own meal plan system, I can simply follow this application's advice and start shopping and cooking smarter. Here's a review of the app where you can get more information.
I am also going to start thinking about how to vary my workout routine more. For the past two weeks I've been trying to ride my bike every morning, but on days when it was too cold or I had muscle strain I ended up not doing anything. My plan now is to start working with a personal trainer at the Y and get a varied, targeted workout schedule set up.
I can't just keep doing the same things, and I can't let myself continue to be discouraged. It's time for proaction. It's time to reboot.
I've decided that the only way to get out of this self-destructive pattern is a hard reboot. I need to just start over. I need to throw out the weight loss of 2008 as if it never happened, and start from zero. I need to eliminate the pressure of past success and focus on being healthy.
To that end, I am downloading an iPhone application called "Dietician". I can enter my current weight, my goal weight, and what type of diet I want, and this application will generate recipes, a meal schedule, and shopping lists for me. Rather than feeling bad that I never have the time or motivation to create my own meal plan system, I can simply follow this application's advice and start shopping and cooking smarter. Here's a review of the app where you can get more information.
I am also going to start thinking about how to vary my workout routine more. For the past two weeks I've been trying to ride my bike every morning, but on days when it was too cold or I had muscle strain I ended up not doing anything. My plan now is to start working with a personal trainer at the Y and get a varied, targeted workout schedule set up.
I can't just keep doing the same things, and I can't let myself continue to be discouraged. It's time for proaction. It's time to reboot.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Sunday, February 1, 2009
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