I...AM...BATMAN!

Rock on!

Surely Batman is entitled to a little birthday cake every now and then.

MSN Careers sez, "Do What You Love and You'll Probably Starve"

I wonder what Martha Brockenbrough would say to this.

Dr. Nemko makes some good points. So, basically, I should specialize in a non-competitive career to make the big bucks. Or start my own business, modeled off someone else's highly successful business in a different market.

Well, that's easy! :>

In other news, the guy who plays Aidan Wulfer on GP4 says that "Heather Meadows" sounds "serene, yet at the same time sophisticated". So I guess it won't be so bad to have a few buildings, a park, and a golf course named after me.

You know, when I'm the rich person in town who owns everything. Like R.J. Corman.

I want to be this woman!

She is totally awesome!

Plans

The appointment was fine, although I waited 2 hours before being seen, and even then it was a med student doing the interview. (The doctor was great, though, once I finally got to talk with her.)

Assuming I am interpreting this doctorscrawl correctly, here are the next steps:

1. Records
   
   • chemotherapy doses and kinds
   • BMT info
   • submit permission forms for release of information


2. Bloodwork
   
   • release information from previous two GYNs
   • return to office for new bloodwork


3. Bone Density
   
   • schedule bone density exam
   • take 1200 to 1500 grams of calcium PER DAY
   • exercise

Okay, I can't read the next two things :P But then there's the part about the options that will then emerge: hormone treatment to get me to conceive naturally, using an egg donor, or adoption.

So basically, she wants more information before she knows what to recommend. She did a pelvic exam, and she said that it looked very good for natural conception. She also said that the facts that 1) I did not have radiation, and 2) I had that period or sloughing off or whatever in May, were good signs. But she wants to know how my ovaries rated in that blood test; I didn't remember the number. If the number is too high, then the chances are very small. She also needs to know the type of chemo I had, and in what doses, because that will help her to figure out what the damage is and how best to combat it.

Pretty interesting stuff...I'll work to get all the info she needs tomorrow.

Endocrinologist appointment this morning

at 10:30. I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect. I'm also lacking confidence in my ability to comprehend and process whatever information I receive.

Sean unfortunately can't come with me, as he wasn't able to get off work.

Money's kind of tight now that my hours have been more than halved. We can pay our bills, but that's about it. We've lived fairly comfortably up until now, and it seemed like we were close to our plans of buying new office chairs and a new bed. Now it feels like we suddenly don't have any money for that at all. We may not go to AWA this year again after all. Not sure yet.

We could save money if I didn't buy my new bike, but I don't want to go that route. I want to be able to ride whenever I feel like it. I enjoy it and it's good exercise. I've been so impatient to get my bike that to put it off now would be really frustrating.

Yesterday I was pretty emotional, both over the job situation and over sitting at a table at Kurama with a mother and her four boys. They were well-behaved, nice children, and she was a fantastic mom. It made me so jealous. I almost started crying at the table.

My mood effectively dampened Sean's mood, so Adam was sitting there all uncomfortable, trying to cheer us up with thoughts of dessert. Sorry, Adam.

At least we got to watch more Prince of Tennis. That'll lighten anyone's mood.

Well, wish me luck at my appointment. I'm sort of hoping I'll be prescribed some kind of hormone that will balance my moods...

You know what else I'd love?

Adopting kids, taking in foreign exchange students, and sponsoring children in third world countries.

But you kind of need money to do all that.

...photography?

I read this article by Martha Brockenbrough last night. I've read it before, mainly going along and nodding and not really paying attention to the insights, but this time I stopped to seriously consider the questions.

1. Do you like your job?
   I liked it when I was full-time and doing design, fulfillment, and other things that were either creative in nature or repetitive but not boring (yet) in nature. I didn't like it when I had to start doing CSR/Dispatch. Now that I'm not doing CSR/Dispatch, I'm unhappy because I only get 15 hours a week. I can't say that going full-time doing the stuff I was doing before would be awesome, but it would be better. I don't know if I'm doing stuff that I would want to do for the rest of my life or not.


2. Do you have big plans for your retirement?
   Yes, although the thought of waiting that long drives me nuts. I want to travel now, see new things, taste new foods, meet new people, learn about different cultures. I want to go back to--maybe even live in--Japan. I feel like if I wait much longer on these plans, they'll never come to fruition, even when I'm "retired".


3. Do you fantasize about winning the lottery so you can quit your job and live the life of your dreams?
   Hell yes.

Martha Brockenbrough sez:

If you answered yes to any of these questions--let alone all of them--there's a good chance you are wasting your life in the wrong job.

On the third page of her article, she goes on to discuss finding your dream...discovering whether or not you're passionate about something, or you are just rising to the challenge and enjoying a temporary emotional high. That idea really struck home to me...that I could have been enjoying my job at the beginning because it was challenging and because I knew I could do it, not because I actually liked it.

1. What have I done in my life that meant the most to me?
   Married Sean. Played with and helped take care of Connor and Logan. Spent time with my family. Traveled to Japan. I can't think of anything I've ever done that was job-related that meant a whole lot to me. I'm very glad that I got my BAs in English and Linguistics, too, but that happiness has been diminished by the impression that they are worthless. The only other thing I can think of that I've done and that gives me pride and pleasure is taking pictures.


2. When have I felt the most natural, at ease, and confident?
   When I'm the boss. Seriously. I don't like depending on someone else to determine outcomes. I may have an overinflated opinion of my own talents, but I often feel that I know better than the person in charge. That's why I became Administrator of the AMRN, and that's why I don't stay long in jobs where I feel like a cog. My current job is different; I am at least important there. That's one reason that I've felt I should hang onto it...my opinions matter.


3. What would I do every day if I could?
   When I saw this question last night, I balked for a moment, and as I sat there wondering what exactly I would want to do every day, the thought fluttered into my consciousness: "Run around taking pictures."

This was utterly shocking. I've had people tell me that I should pursue a career in photography before, but I've never taken them seriously. For one thing, I have no idea what I'm doing. (This is a lame excuse, because I could always learn.) For another, I always assumed that they just liked my stuff because it looks marginally better than pointing and shooting, not because I actually had any real talent at it. (This is actually my false modesty; deep down, I believe I am good at photography, but I pretend that I don't so that I don't have to test myself and discover that I'm wrong.)

Now that I'm thinking about it, though, it sounds so great. I could run all over the world taking pictures and gaining life experience. I'd enjoy the different cultures, myriad foods, and meeting new people, and I'd capture it all with my camera. I might even, after many years, find that I have something to write about.

Because writing isn't something I want to do right now. If I wanted to write--or if I had to write, even while hating it, as many writers do--then I would be doing it. I feel obligated by my talent, but I don't want or need to write.

You have no idea how amazingly free I suddenly feel after writing that paragraph. It's like I'm suddenly able to make choices again.

So...it would appear that I want to travel and take photos.

Now to figure out how I can do it!

The Passion of the Clerks

"We're going to do it insanely inexpensively. The budget will be somewhere between 250 grand and $5 million."

Yeah, movies are pretty expensive. I'd like to do something that cost between $250K and $5 million...

Heading into twilight

On my way in to work this morning, WBBQ played "Danger Zone" and then "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" right in a row.

Makes me want to watch the movie...

Death

And pain, and sadness, and hunger, and abuse.

They all make me so upset.

When directly confronted with any of them, I start to wonder what the point is of life at all. Eventually everyone is going to die. Everything is going to pass away. All the wonderful, beautiful things you remember...will anyone else remember them? Even memory passes away.

My uncle Lee, the husband of Mom's sister Carol, died on June 1. He was only 51 years old. He had a stroke or something, randomly, out in the yard prepping his truck for a trip. Uncle Lee drove tractor trailers, and every time I'm on the road and I see one I think of him. Now every time I see one I think of how he died there back behind his truck, no reason, just fell over dead.

Today my mom told me that my dog has a lump in her mouth that may be cancerous.

My mom told Connor once that dogs don't live for a long time, and that someday they won't be around anymore. Connor said, "But people live forever!"

Someday someone close to him is going to die.

We're all going to die, someday. But the fact that it happens to all of us is hardly comforting, especially if you don't believe in an afterlife.

If this is all we've got, why is it like this?

The answer, of course, is that there is no reason for any of it.

I know why people want to believe in heaven. I wish I believed in it. I wish death wasn't the end. I wish we all went on, and we could all be with each other again.

I think it's a plot to keep nerds fat

Evil, Krispy Kreme. Just evil.

Crazy scorpion woman update!

A Malaysian woman who's trying to reclaim a world record by living in a locked glass box with more than 6,000 scorpions has been stung once, is suffering a fever and scarcely sleeps because the creatures keep crawling over her.

What I find the most interesting in this article is the following quote:

"Nighttime is the worst," she said. "I can only sleep two or three hours, since scorpions get so active at night. But I want to show that Malaysians are capable of world-class efforts."

Okay, first of all...sleep during the day. Secondly...yeah, I'm sure Malaysia's PR will shoot through the roof after this.

I mean, really. "Capable of world-class efforts"? She decided she wanted to make a mark on the world, and this is the path she chose? I don't consider this a world-class effort. It's world-class stupidity. If she wanted to make a real effort, she could have become a doctor or scientist or engineer and actually helped the world.

I don't want to belittle what she's doing here. I mean, despite there being absolutely no point at all to it, it is difficult to spend over a month in a glass box with scorpions. But once it's over--assuming she doesn't die--where has that gotten her? A few articles in the "Odd News" sections of world newspapers? A record that she'll have to surpass in another few years after another nutcase breaks it?

What is the point of this effort, Nur Malena? Does it better you as a person? Does it better the world?

It's an endurance exercise...it may help her build mental strength, but she can't put "stayed in box with scorpions" on her resume. "Stayed in box with scorpions" doesn't feed starving children in third world countries, or cure cancer.

"World-class effort"...I just can't get over that.

I slept too much

Now I feel like I want to sleep forever. I'm not tired, particularly, but I don't want to be awake. It's annoying.

Blogger has an article up about adding Google AdSense to a blog. I've thought about doing that before. Not sure if it's a good idea or not. It would be nice if it actually made me some money, but I don't think I write enough to warrant it. What I do write is personal for the most part, though I have gone into some essays every now and then. Frankly, with what I write now, I'm not going to attract a large enough audience to make ads profitable.

One of the reasons I wanted different site sections was so I could put more targeted, essay-like blog entries elsewhere, leaving this page for my random ramblings. If I do manage to do that at some point (and it occurred to me last night that I can simply use JavaScript to call a list of my blogs for the sidebar), then I might put ads on some of the more targeted content.

Does that make sense, or should I just not worry about ads at all? I'm interested in responses from all three of you ;)

Also, you may note that I've added an "Email Post" link. That's Blogger's doing; they just added the feature.

Everyone wants me to write.

Haven't seen Foreman for weeks (months?). He finally popped up today, and during the course of our catching up, he remarked, "figured you'd try and get published by now :)"

I spoke with the assistant to someone famous today

"Good morning, this is Heather; can I help you?" I said, answering the phone at work.

I wasn't really paying attention to what the person on the other end was saying until she got to a part about a "performer" who was coming into Augusta and who didn't care for the food at the hotel where she planned to stay. "We were wondering if it would be all right to use your service to deliver her meals."

I said something dumb like "Yes, that would be fine!"

"Great; I'll make her some copies of the menus and give her your phone number."

"All right. That will be fine," I said again. Something like that. Something dumb ;> "Thank you," I said, and we hung up.

I'd never had something like that happen before, so it's understandable that I didn't know what to say. What I probably should have said was, "Can we make up a menu packet for her? I can have someone bring it over." Then we probably should have given her some 2go-Bucks, too :>

It's probably not kosher to say who it was publicly, but I will note that when I said her first name (I couldn't remember her last name), Robert and Tammy both knew exactly who I was talking about. They were surprised and delighted. So I guess she is well-known around here :) Kind of cool.

"Losers are not traitors", what did George Washington look like?, and Genghis Khan, wordsmith

Yep, another link roundup. I love Yahoo! News' Oddly Enough.

As China witnessed defeat early last week in some of its top events, such as women's football, many blamed state media for creating a tense atmosphere and putting pressure on athletes.

Mari, Kelly, Chris and I were eating at Ruby Tuesday's last week and watching the female gymnastics events. When the Chinese girls made their blunders, we joked to each other about how they were going to be executed when they got home. Apparently they were already thinking along the same lines. (And yes, yes we do have poor taste.)

Specialists at Washington's home in Mount Vernon, Virginia, 16 miles (25.5 km) outside Washington, are gathering dozens of artefacts including snippets of hair and clothing that will be analysed over the next year.

Based on that information, they will make life-size models of the former president at three different points in his life that will go on display in 2006 as part of a new $85 million (54.17 million pounds) education centre and museum at Mount Vernon.

Sounds pretty neat.

I was interested to see that he lost his teeth at twenty...something that happens to people even today. In fact, it has occurred in my family.

The science of how they will reconstruct his face is remarkable. While it won't be exact, it'll be the closest we've ever gotten.

Historians have long assumed the ancient Mongolian ruler was illiterate, primarily because the Mongolian written language was created in the early 13th century, when Genghis Khan would have been in his 40s and not have had time to learn, the official Xinhua news agency said.

But now it looks like that wasn't the case at all. Well, the man had to have been brilliant to do what he did. Maybe it just makes people uncomfortable to think so...

Totally Random: Keenspot moves to Cresbard, South Dakota

So, yeah.

I actually think it's a great idea. They get to enjoy beautiful scenery (assuming there is scenery in South Dakota--hey, I don't know!) and community-centered small town life while reenergizing the area with their growing business.

But it just seems so out there.

I hope more crazy new business ideas like this start popping up. Actually, I think it would be great if everyone owned a business, and we all had robots to perform the menial tasks. A true idea-world.

But then again, I'm nuts.

WHEW

I just finished titling all my old articles.

While I was at it, I saved copies of images from Internet quizzes I've taken in the past, so if the quizzes ever get removed I'll still have my result. I also started to put up a new picture gallery (from 2003), but Sean's gaming, so I had to cut that short. Eventually, this post will be linked to the new gallery.

During the course of the renaming, I discovered a small error in my new template that I had to fix. Fortunately, everything seems to be fine now; let me know if you see any problems.

Driving on the wrong side of the road in Japan

Four foreigners were killed in a head-on collision in Hanamatsu. My first reaction was, "Stupid foreigners, driving on the wrong side of the road"...but no, it was actually a Japanese person who made the error.

Crazy.

Malaysian woman moves in with scorpions

Anyone you know, Dawn? :>

Found a workaround for the expandable post summaries.

A guy posted it to a forum. Not bad, I could put that span thing in the post template. Now it's just a matter of whether or not I want to bother.

Thoughts, my loyal readers? Would it be better to have a paragraph or so on the front page, and then a link to read more? Or would that be inconvenient? Tell me what you think.

Notice anything different?

I've been working on my blog template today...lots of changes. I got rid of the old "archive" page that served no real purpose, and pointed the "archive" links to the little archive box on the lower right. I also made links to the other boxes on the right hand side, and I added a new box: search. With a little CSS, I was able to customize the box and button to make them less obtrusive.

The post content area is also horizontally expandable, thus bringing my website into the 21st century. Now I will monopolize your browser real estate regardless of your resolution...ahaha!

The archive month pages now only list post date, time, and title, instead of showing the entire post. This is more convenient for searching for a specific item (assuming you don't, say, use the search), but it also means I need to go back into my archives and add titles for every post. No big deal, but I haven't done it yet :P

Eventually I'm hoping to have a separate blog account for each section of my website, and they will all use this same template. Before I do that, I want to figure out a way to list all my blogs in my sidebar without doing it manually. Surely there is some way to do it. I've emailed Blogger to ask.

I wanted to create a "latest comments" area, which would list when the last few comments were posted and who posted them, with links to the comments...but there appears to be no way to do that, so I emailed Blogger.

I also wanted to do Blogger's expandable post summaries hack, but check out this lovely bit at the bottom:

However, the "read more" link is in the template, so it will appear regardless of whether a post has been truncated or not. (Modifying this feature is left as an exercise for the reader.)

I suppose they thought that was cute. I, however, found it thoroughly obnoxious. Thanks, Blogger, for the totally useless "hack".

I mean, seriously. Who wants to have "read more" written on posts that don't have any additional content? I was trying to wrap my brain around a way to hide the "read more" link when it was unnecessary, and I'm sure it's possible in JavaScript or something, but I'm not a programmer and it's really a lot of hassle to solve a problem that Blogger could have dealt with by allowing for expandable post summaries in their WYSIWYG interface. (Post-Nuke, for example, has two text boxes, and if you have a really long post you can put the additional text in the second one.)

I realize that this is a free service and it's lame to check the teeth of a pony you got as a present, but that last little snide comment just burns me up. "Left as an exercise for the reader", my ass.

My dream of categories for my blog has pretty much died...I'm thinking about making different blogs for each category and then linking them on the sidebar, assuming Blogger responds with a way for me to list my blogs in that way. Here's hoping. I think that I may be able to manipulate the RSS feeds to create a page with all the posts on it, but I'm not certain, and I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

Aaaaaaaand that's about it.

Memoirs of a Geisha

Looks like they're finally making this trashy-Western-romance-novel-transposed-into-Japanese-setting into a movie.

IMDB - 'Memoirs of a Geisha' (2005)
Japan Today - Watanabe to star in 'Memoirs of a Geisha'

Spielberg was originally set to direct. He's producing, and Rob Marshall is directing.

I like how the IMDB says Sayuri "transcended her roots", rather than "she was kidnapped, forced into slavery, and finally 'rescued' by a businessman who liked her beauty and slave-abilities".

I have nothing against the geisha, but this book is dressed-up trash. The only thing it has going for it are the geisha secrets it reveals, which are quite interesting...and apparently used without permission, as I heard from my former Japanese instructor, and as explained in this article. (I'd believe the geisha over Golden...personal prejudice, I guess.)

Apparently Peter MacIntosh, who I've heard of before and whose geisha tours I'm very much interested in taking, helped Rob Marshall scout locations for the film. This seems weird in light of the lawsuit...however, you'll note from the previous two articles that they did not, in fact, find a Japanese woman to play the main character. Make of that what you will.

At any rate, I'll see the film. Even if it is based on a cheap romance novel, it's sure to have some very pretty setpieces and costumes.

Japan Today

I'm beginning to think that Japan Today should be renamed as "Japan News for Stupid Foreigners"...because while they try to do a good job of reporting, ultimately their Comments sections are filled with "blah, this is stupid", "Japan is stupid", "the Japanese are stupid", "this article is biased towards the Japanese", etc. I think the only people who comment over there are bored English teachers living in Japan who feel homesick for their native countries.

I've considered posting there to try and add commentary that actually isn't derogatory for a change, but ultimately I never do. It seems like too much hassle. Instead, I'll just stop reading the comments ;P

Language defines cognition

Sean linked me to a horrible BBC article (and I subsequently dug up a much better CNN article) about a small, isolated tribe in Brazil called the Piraha. These are a people with only two "numbers" in their vocabulary: "one"/"a few" and "many". Their pronouns don't indicate number at all; "he" and "they" are represented by the same word.

People from this tribe have difficulty doing complex mathematical problems involving counting more than three items. During research testing, adults were unable to learn the names of more numbers...but children were.

These findings are great evidence for two linguistic theories: first, that children are more readily able to learn language (and any skill, really) than adults (this has been shown time and again in studies, but there are some who still don't buy it); and second, that the language we speak affects how we understand the world. In simplistic terms: if we don't have a word for something, then it's harder--or impossible--for us to comprehend it. It can get far more complex, though; anyone who's studied semantics knows how difficult it can be to properly define a text's connotation. Language affects how we think about the world in varied and subtle ways.

Writers know this. They have to. Writers use language not only to transcribe actions, but to express ideas. There are straightforward ways of doing this, but writing is seen as art only when it presents an idea more subtly. Literary critics and Old English Teachers thrive on layers of meaning. To imbue a text with the sort of connotation that has readers gasping at the brilliance--and yet is just plain enough that readers can "figure it out" on their own, thus feeling brilliant themselves--a writer must be attuned to the quiet workings of language, beneath the uncomplicated surface. And the writer must then be able to manipulate those workings to her own ends.

Sometimes this is subconscious, brought about by innate ability. But I would argue that the larger portion of it is simply crafting. Working to bring out the intended ideas through prose that is tight, clear, and packed with meaning.

That's the kind of writer I want to be, should I ever actually go back to writing.

While discussing the articles with Jes, we came around to the subject of English as a Second Language, and she mentioned that there is actually an ESL program right down the street from me. (How convenient!) So I'm thinking about calling them up and offering to teach...I do have a "Certificate in Applied Linguistics for Teaching English as a Second Language", after all, and it's just going to waste :> Jes usually teaches there, but she had to take this semester off due to a conflict with her course schedule. She plans to go back next semester, though, so we could share tips and stories with each other :) I mentioned the program to Brooke, and she's interested too, although it might not be possible with her work schedule. It would be a lot of fun with more friends there, though :)

BSSM 44

I have to say, this episode cheered me up. And it's not a happy episode. That really speaks to how freaking depressing Touch was getting.

I feel like talking about it a little, so if you haven't seen the episode, and you're planning on it, and you hate spoilers, then for God's sake what are you still reading for?!?!?

Mars is awesome. She's not letting Venus get away with her cowardice. Because, of course, that's what it is. She uses the "past life" as an excuse to hide from the operation that could save her life. She'd rather die on her own terms...but in doing so, she's not living. Mars has been trying to show her that, but Venus is probably the master of stubborn. It had to come to this, and I'm glad it did. I'm interested to see where things will go from here.

Usagi's not doing very well at the whole "smile like a fool" thing, but that's understandable. At least she's not pissed...

The day Nephrite begins stalking Ami draws ever closer.

Kunzite either decided that his "out" was dying--like how Nephrite died and was then reborn--or he didn't want to be "brainwashed" by Zoisite's powerful death melody, so he figured the only logical solution was to impale himself. Hmm.

Either way, I liked how Zoisite changed in this episode. He finally got past wishing his own will on Endymion, and to the proper place for an attendant: wishing for Endymion's will to be done. I think that's probably why his final bit of music was so powerful...he became much closer to what he used to be before he died.

Now I'm just waiting to see if he and Kunzite will pop up in the city as "humans". I'm not sure what was signified by his stone breaking and crumbling to dust. It could mean he's completely gone, but I don't think so. I think the stones were simply the way Beryl trapped their souls; this is evidenced by the fact that when Jadeite was reborn from his stone, he was still in Dark Kingdom form and brainwashed to love Beryl. Maybe the stone being gone means that when Zoisite is reborn, he'll be free of the spell just like Nephrite. Only time will tell in Kunzite's case, because we didn't see if his stone disintegrated or not...

I've now watched Touch through episode 27

...and I must say, I feel like a total shithead for making fun of Kazuya and his lemons.

I also feel rather betrayed--by my own first impression. I thought it was going to just keep being a funny, cute love triangle. But no, they had to go and start dealing with serious issues...issues that I, frankly, have not come to terms with.

I'm afraid to keep watching, because what if it goes back to being funny and cute? How can it, after that happened? But that's what life is, it's all about moving past the things that make us hurt, and forgetting the immediacy of it. Will Tatsuya and Minami forget? What will it mean, if they do?

Touch episode 16

Man...

NOBODY WANTS MY LEMONS!!!!!!!

Online communities

I'm thinking about giving up on online "communities". They're not communities; they're loose conglomerations of persons who all like one particular thing, and who spend their time whining, trolling, picking each other apart, and rambling about how special they are. I already hate forums in general, because no fan forum is ever "on-topic", and there is always the "in group" that's been there since "the beginning". Keenspot forums are especially annoying because they have hazing rituals. I don't even bother with those unless something weird happened with a comic and I want to see if there's any information available.

What I really hate, though, is stupidity, and there is a special place in my Book of Despising for people who both are stupid, and who then accuse me of being stupid.

Really, sometimes I think I should just give up the Internet entirely :P

DAY SOMETHING

1 lap around complex with handweights
6 minutes stairclimber
5 minutes treadmill with handweights
50 crunches
20 knees to elbows
30 each side obliques
30 each side lats
30 back raises
20 wuss pushups
30 each side outside inner thigh raises
30 each side inside inner thigh raises
30 each side side leg lifts
20 scissor kicks
30 each side glutes
20 calf raises

I actually got up at 4:30 or so today. I guess I woke up naturally due to going to bed at a decent hour (9:30 pm). I took my time getting dressed and stretching, and even read the Spring House newsletter that came out yesterday (apparently they're handing out free breakfast next Thursday...I always miss their free stuff, hopefully I'll remember to go get something).

I'm wearing my contacts for the first time since Boston. You see, while there, I realized that I hadn't brought any saline, so I borrowed David's. Only it wasn't saline, it was peroxide, and I was supposed to put in a little pill thingie to neutralize it. I did not do this.

Let's just say that after I managed to claw the lens out of my right eye, it was bright red and smarting and remained so for the rest of the day.

When I found out about the neutralizing pill, I put them in with my contacts, and then when I got home I washed them repeatedly with saline...but until today I hadn't tried putting them in again. Fortunately, it looks like they're fine, and my eyes don't hurt at all.

I do need to go to the eye doctor, though...my prescription is pretty old, so I might need a new one anyway.

It occurred to me this morning that blogging is right up my alley. In high school, I used to write journal entries on notebook paper, and then let other people read them. That was easier for me than actually telling them how I was feeling. I shared some pretty intense stuff with my friends that way. It was like a LiveJournal! Only, it was actually live! ;>

Work yesterday was fine. We didn't get any orders while I was there (which is a horrible thing to rejoice about, but there you have it), and Robert and I discussed some ideas and changes in the online market (specifically, Google and Yahoo!'s forays into restaurant directories). I like it when we discuss the theories behind the business; that's when I really feel like I'm learning stuff.

That's about it. Need a quick shower before I head to work. Bye ;>

back wb ty

I keep wanting to link this comic to people, but I always have to go search in the archives for it...so, to save myself some trouble, I'm going to blog it here, and now whenever I need it I can just do a Google search of my site for the term "thank you for welcoming me back!"

And here it is.

Bikes!

Brooke and I went to Outspoken (wish they had a website!) and Andy Jordan's (they don't have a website either, but meh) today to look at bikes. Here are the bikes I tried out:

Fuji
$299



Giant Sedona
$289

In terms of names, obviously the Fuji is better. I think "Giant" is a stupid name for a chain of bikes. But regardless, nothing could beat Fuji Syuusuke. (And you know if I buy that bike, its name will be Syuusuke...)

Anyway, you might be able to tell that these aren't particularly fast or rough-and-tumble bikes. I want the bike for riding on trails; good exercise, but nothing hyperintensive. Both bikes were a comfortable ride, but the Fuji was the best. It handled well, the seat was comfortable, and I just felt at home riding it.

I'm going to check Wal-Mart and Target, too; I don't have to make my decision until the end of the month. I'm really leaning towards the Fuji at this point, but we'll see.

And now I'd like to leave you with a message from Fuji Syuusuke...

僕に勝つのはまだ早いよ。Motherfucker.

Must...change...attitude...

This week I've been getting up reluctantly, slouching onto my computer, and leaving late for work. I come into work with a bad attitude and am extraordinarily happy when it's time to go home.

This is not how I want to feel about my work.

Part of it is adjusting to the fact that I'm not on vacation anymore, I realize. Part of it is unhappiness with the same situation I was unhappy with before. The rest is probably due to the fact that I haven't worked out properly in over two weeks.

I did go bike riding last night with Mari, Kelly, and Chris. That was good; 7.3 miles. I had to stop at the midway point both on the way up and on the way back, though, which was annoying, and on the way up I had to stop and walk twice. I was pretty unhappy with myself, even though I knew I wouldn't be doing it at the same level as before. What I need to do is just get my own bike, and start riding more often. There's a trail near here, I've heard, so I can go there when my friends aren't available. It's not paved, from what I understand, so when I pick out my new bike I will need to get one that can handle that.

Speaking of which, I am going to buy a bike and a bike rack at the end of the month. Brooke and I are going to go looking around at bikes today, so I can start to get an idea of what I like. I'm probably going to get a $100 or $200 bike from Wal-Mart or Target (or a bike shop, if they actually carry bikes that are that inexpensive), and then snag some gear like gloves, rear-view mirrors, reflectors, and a battery-powered headlight. (The bike I rode in Japan had a headlight that was powered by pedaling, but the intermittent light annoyed me.) I also want an odometer, and if I'm really feeling silly I'll get a bell too. I love those bells...

Well, time to get working. Positive attitude...positive attitude... At least this morning I forced myself not to turn my computer on, and instead just came directly to the office.

New (to me) blogs

I've added two new blogs to my blogroll. The first is that of my new friend who recently posted comments to this site. She is very cool, into the philosophy of language and feminist just enough for my liking. I've been speaking with her off and on for the past few days, and I've really enjoyed our conversations. I'm looking forward to seeing her write more in her blog.

The second is that of Jennifer Garrett, a writer and editor living in Boston(!). She also seems very cool, based on an article she recently wrote for Blogger and on the posts currently up on her page, but as I don't know her personally I can't say for certain yet. We'll see what I think as I read her further.

*yawn*

"I cannot go to work today..."

Or so I'd like to tell my boss, anyway.

Emotion, writing, and posting public blogs

I am very, very angry with someone right now. "Furious" is too weak a word. I feel betrayed, I feel condescended to, I feel underestimated. I expected better of this person and now I don't even know if I want to remain friends.

The problem is that this person reads this blog, so I can't write about it here.

I've written about people who read this blog before. Once, I did so with what could have been devastating results. Fortunately, the person in question cared more about keeping my friendship than the betrayal of having our disagreement aired publicly.

I want to be the bigger person in this instance. I'm the one who's mad and frustrated and betrayed. I don't know if I want to stay friends with the person who hurt me, but I might want to later. I don't want to destroy any possibility by ranting about it in a place that person reads.

I don't know if I can express how I feel directly to the one who made me feel this way, though. Right now I feel as though my words would fall on deaf, callous ears. And so I'm hovering in a limbo, wondering if I'll ever see closure...

And I'm still pissed off as all hell.

Well, I've gone and done it.

I preordered them.

Call me a hypocrite if you like. But watch this first. :> (I know, the narration sucks...and is waaaaay too similar to that for the Special Educations...but I mean...Star Wars, man!)

A defense(?) of George Lucas (or, at least, a clearing up of the facts)

The web is rising up in outrage and disbelief at the fact that George Lucas is unhappy with the prospect of The Three Stooges being colorized.

"Star Wars" creator George Lucas, who testified with Steven Spielberg before Congress in the 1980s against colorization and other forms of alteration, said the process yanks such slapstick performers as the Stooges out of the black-and-white universe they belong in.

"Would color distract from their comedy and make it not as funny anymore?" Lucas said. "Maybe just the fact that they're in black and white makes it funny, because their humor is dated. But by putting it in black and white, it puts it in a context where you can appreciate it for what it was.

"But you try to make it in full living color and try to compare it to a Jim Carrey movie, then it's hard for young people to understand. Because you're then thinking you're comparing apples to apples, when you're not. You're comparing apples to oranges. I'm saying it's not fair to the artist."

If you think this is hypocrisy, read this, direct from the Senate Report on the Berne Convention, at which Lucas and Spielberg made their arguments (emphasis mine):

The third panel included Mr. Steven Spielberg, representing the Director's Guild of America, Mr. George Lucas, Chairman of the Board of Lucasfilm, Inc., and Mr. Bo Goldman, representing the Writer's Guild of America, West. While supporting adherence to Berne, they encouraged the Committee to enact legislation to enhance an artist's right to control any alteration to his creation.

So, this isn't really news. The man is deluded, but at least he's consistent.

Interesting news items

What's in a name? Linguist Amy Perfors can give you an idea:

Men with "front vowels" in their names -- sounds formed at the front of the mouth like the "a" in Matt -- were considered sexier than men with "back vowel" sounds like the "au" in Paul, she concluded.

Not sure I agree with her analysis, which is presumably based on prior work that isn't cited:

Perfors said front vowels are often perceived as "smaller" than back vowels, so the difference could be a sign that women are seeking men that are sensitive or gentle, traits usually perceived as feminine.

I don't know, I don't think of Matt as being a more feminine name than Paul. Do you?

The cure for what ails me. Yes, that's right; scientists have discovered a possible cure for procrastination. (Now I just have to wonder: do I really want to be a workaholic? Meh...I'll think about it later.)

Colin Powell, the cat, will meet on Friday with Colin Powell, the secretary of state. This is very important.

Colin Powell, the secretary of state, has agreed to a meeting in the State Department's Treaty Room on the seventh floor — for pictures, not dialogue.

The room has served lofty purposes through history, including the signing of important treaties.

...hence the name "Treaty Room". Duh. :P

Where our nation is headed. Someday, we will all be grafted to our couches, defecating on ourselves until we die horrible deaths. Thanks to Matt for alerting me to this lovely story, and to BoingBoing for the link to the expanded article.

And finally, people going to PAX are so lucky. Look at this awesome Spider-Man toy they get. Assholes!

Had a bad dream

I almost got up at 5, but then I decided I wanted to sleep in for an hour. Guess that was a bad idea :P

I dreamed that I was in Japan and there were all sorts of people from my past there, and we were attending school. At one point I opened my notebook and a little folded note was there. Melissa Christopher, my old best friend from fourth and fifth grade, happened to be standing near my desk, and she said, "Yeah, there's a note in there, but..."

"Read it after I've gone home?" I asked.

"No," Melissa said. "It's just that you've been nothing to me." As she said the last few words, she started crying and having difficulty speaking. Then she strode swiftly away.

It's true that Melissa and I haven't seen each other more than a handful of times since elementary school. I occasionally bump into her at the Nicholasville Wal-Mart. And I do feel regret for how I treated her in middle school, back when I basically dumped her in favor of Noelle. But in the dream all I felt was annoyance.

After that school day, I went by an optometrist's place because I had read in Michael Jennings' blog that he was going to be there, and I wanted to say hi. I saw a guy who looked like him sitting in the office with a girl who I believed was his girlfriend, so I waved and smiled and said hi. The guy sort of blinked at me, and then I looked past him and saw the real Michael and his girlfriend behind them. I was really embarrassed.

After awhile, Michael's girlfriend (who I have never met in real life, by the way, and I have no idea what she looks like, so this is just a pretend person I guess) and I went back to my host family's house, where we were apparently staying. My host family conveniently spoke English, and Otou-san drove an SUV. The girl and I spent a long time lying around and talking. It didn't really occur to me in the dream, but now that I think about it, the girl was kind of clingy, and it might have been sexual. But nothing happened, and the evening passed and then it was the next day.

I turned on an episode of Sailor Moon in the living room (it didn't seem to be my host family's real house; there was a separate den and eating area), but then it was time for breakfast before school so I turned it off and we went to eat. While we were sitting there, the girl suddenly started saying things to my host family about how mean and stupid I was. This was, of course, a shock, because I'd thought we were getting along fine. She started bringing up all sorts of things that I had apparently done back in elementary school--somehow the girl had become a childhood friend rather than Michael's girlfriend. (Dream logic...) And she said that I had turned on the wrong TV in the den because I was so stupid. I could tell that she was mad at me for something else, and I assumed it was because I had kept out of touch--the same reason Melissa was upset in the dream. But she wouldn't stop insulting me, so I was wrestling with her trying to make her stop, and we were both yelling "I hate you!" at each other.

Then my alarm went off, so I have no idea how it would have ended.

I don't know if this dream is a product of me not needing to sleep anymore plus reading Hyper's blog post yesterday about losing old classmates as friends--maybe that affected me subconsciously, while consciously all I thought was "Yeah, that happens, and it's sad". Maybe I still have some guilt left over from school, from not keeping in touch with classmates. (Even Noelle, who I do keep in regular contact with, went to Hawaii and I didn't even know until she sent me a link to her pictures from the trip yesterday.)

I do think that I'm afraid that I don't know how to be a proper friend. I seem to have two attitude "poles": "oh well, screw 'em" for people who I don't see much for whatever reason--i.e., I don't think about the fact that I'm not seeing them, nor do I try to come up with ways to keep in touch; and "way too clingy", for friends who I see every day and who I spend time with frequently. The thing is, people can easily drop from the clingy category into the screw 'em category, just by not being around enough. I'm not happy with that.

I want a better way of keeping track of people and staying in contact with them, I guess...and I want to be a better friend to the people who care about me, and who I realize I care about when I actually bother to think about it.

Boston pics are all up now.

I've uploaded, organized, and captioned the pics. They are available here.

It was a really great trip. I loved meeting David; he's a great guy and a wonderful travel companion. Boston and Providence were both beautiful, and I really enjoyed taking pictures of both. I wish the trip had been a little longer, but I guess it's better to leave wanting more than to leave thoroughly tired of the place.

The bad thing about vacations is how much I eat, and how I get used to having dessert with pretty much every meal. I made grilled chicken, onions, and bell peppers with egg noodles tonight, and it was very filling, and I was content when I finished, but now I'm thinking I should be eating some sort of brownie or pie, with ice cream. It's just wrong! I don't need dessert! O_O

I wish I could just travel all the time, and that I didn't have to go to work...or, if anything, I could do my work from the road...

Winnebago Man

AJ was checking Google to see if he was spelling "Winnebago" correctly, and happened upon this fantastic movie. It's almost as good as those Thundercats outtakes. (And if you've heard those, that should give you an idea of the content. Grownups and very mature kids only, please.)

This is why I love writing.

i'm still hoping that if i drive my car around enough, i'll pollute the environment enough to trigger a massive advance in global warming, shifting wind currents and altering the drifting patterns of certain north atlantic icebergs, provoking an acclerated rate of polar reversal. then i can make a snow angel.

Goei, you rock.

Damn those electrons! Foiled again!

What Kind of Geek are You?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
Your IQ is	high
You are a	word nerd
Your strength is	you actually have social skills
Your weakness is	electrons
You think normal people are	stupid
Normal people think that you are	satanic
This Quiz by owlsamantha - Taken 35116 Times.

You know what job would suck?

Air traffic controller on Coruscant ;P

After The Pallbearer ended, I watched Episode II, which was on HBO. And you know...I like it. It's a good movie. There is only one thing that annoys me, and that's Threepio's overdone puns. Otherwise, I'm really happy with it.

Even the so-called "wooden" acting...I think Padme and Anakin's scenes work because their love isn't pure, isn't true, isn't based on a solid foundation. Their love is based on a mutual desire to escape their societal roles, roles they took on before they were old enough to understand what they were doing. The rest of it is simple lust. They feel trapped, and the only way to express this emotion, to "fight back", is to love each other, to indulge in the exciting feeling of doing something "wrong".

It's ironic that this forbidden love, this betrayal of the very rules the two of them pledged their lives to protect, is actually, in the end, what saves the galaxy from Palpatine's Empire.

This is only the second time I've seen the movie. I think I was afraid to watch it again because I kept hearing how other people dislike it. I was afraid that I would realize that my first impression was wrong, and that all it was was bad acting after all. But no, I think I'm right.

Either way, I enjoyed the movie :)

I guess I should have dinner at some point.

So much for that

My plans were curtailed by not being able to get the car, so I walked and walked and walked around Providence. It was a good walk, and I saw some neat stuff...pictures are here. But ultimately I wandered too far--all the way to North Providence--and by the time I made it back downtown, my feet were killing me.

I've been back at the hotel since about 3:30, relaxing, resting my feet, eating hotel chocolate mints, and watching a movie called The Pallbearer, which is really amoral/bizarre and revolves around one of those characters who can't seem to make a decision and who exudes a complete lack of confidence in himself. The situation is totally ridiculous and irritating...but I can't stop watching it, it's like a train wreck.

My day

I'm on my own today. First priority: get cleaned up. Second priority: walk over to the convention center and get the car. Third priority: EAT SOMETHING.

After that, I'm going to head towards Boston, and see what I can see of Cambridge.

Wish me luck!

Shelley is channeling ME!

OMG.

We're here :)

Pictures.

I'll write more later, but for now I'd like to get some shut-eye :) The guys are already conked out.

Off to Boston

Or, more precisely, Providence, Rhode Island.

As soon as we get there I am going to invest in some serious mappage. ;P

We've purchased a wireless card for the laptop, so we may be able to get online more than expected. Either way, we should be online from the hotel room.

*loudly and obnoxiously* I wish I had a million dollars!

Ask and ye shall receive, apparently.

Central Anime is fansubbing Touch. The rip is direct from laserdisc; the font is the right color (yellow with black shading), size (large enough to see on a regular TV) and shape/position (it doesn't trail too far to either side of the screen, or too far to the bottom); and the translation is superb. It looks just like a professional release.

I would be ecstatically happy with just the above...but on top of all that, they're releasing episodes fast! (And with 101 total, speed is important...)

So go forth, my children, and download Touch as subbed by Central Anime!

(Hope someone out there hears my request for moolah, too!)

On the bright side--I'm drinking CRAN-APPLE JUICE!!!!!!!!

And damn it's good.

Should have caught a flight to Augusta today, but oh well

That's the gamble with non-revs/Buddy Passes. I spent the afternoon lounging around Blue Grass Airport (LEX, which I always knew as Bluegrass Field--guess they're going for prestige, not that you can tell by their website).

So anyway.

Now I'm back at the parents' house, and I hope to catch a flight tomorrow.

I'm not sure I would want to fool with sitting around hoping for a flight while I was on a regular vacation.

"Gifted"

I got in about an hour ago from hanging out with AJ, Faye, Ben, Manda, and Dan. We played Cranium and sat around shooting the breeze for hours; it was great. I got back here and caught up on my online reading (webcomics and the AMRN, which Sam has just jump-started), and I should be going to bed, but I wanted to mention what happened today while I was at Wal-Mart shopping for the cookout we had this evening.

An older woman with yellowish-white hair and a calm, confident face said, "Heather?"

I stopped my cart in the middle of the row, looked at the woman. It's Mrs. Braden, I thought. But I wasn't sure, so I said, "Yes?"

"It's so good to see you! I'm glad it was you; I thought it was. Do you know who I am?"

"Mrs. Braden?" By now I was pretty sure, but I was still relieved when she affirmed it.

Mrs. Braden was my AP English teacher, senior year of high school. I last saw her in 1997 I think, when I visited my high school to see all my teachers. Since then I believe she has retired.

"I wondered whether or not you'd remember me," she said.

"Of course," I replied. "I think about you all the time." It's true; Mrs. Braden was the reason I was able to write college papers without taking the 101s. She helped me to understand that you can write in any writing style you need to, and that you should tailor your writing to your subject and your audience for maximum effectiveness. This is a lesson that I think many people don't learn; they're afraid that their writing "voice" will be lost if they try to micromanage their style. By refusing to edit themselves, these people are holding themselves back, refusing to craft. I'm glad that I was brought to understand early what it means to write with a purpose--even if I was lazy and ignored the lesson for years afterwards.

"I was thinking about you just the other day," Mrs. Braden replied, which surprised me, as she has had literally hundreds of students, "and that final portfolio of yours."

Kentucky instituted a new standardized test system under KERA, the Kentucky Education Reform Act, in 1990, while I was in middle school. These tests, then known as KIRIS, replaced the old CTBS tests. Part of the system required students to compile portfolios of works in order to graduate from both middle and high school. When I was in eighth grade, KERA had only recently been enacted, so while I created an English portfolio for that year, it wasn't as important as the one I had to make for high school. (I also had to put together a math portfolio for high school.)

These portfolios were a collection of a student's best work done in that segment of education (e.g., anytime during high school). Students compiled the papers, revised them, ordered them, created a table of contents, wrote an introductory letter explaining what the works were and why they were chosen, and handed in the final result in a professional-looking folder. I personally found the portfolio creation process to be a lot of fun, mainly because most of the work was already done (I'd done the research and the writing work for class, and revision wasn't a big deal), and because the final product seemed so impressive.

For my English portfolio, I included a huge report on Benjamin Banneker that I'd labored on for my sophomore year social studies class--a report that my teacher, Mr. Galloway, said I should try to get published in a magazine; a grant proposal for an archaeological dig to find the burial place of Llewellyn ab Gruffydd, the last true Prince of Wales, which I had created for my senior year anthropology class; the beginning of Randes' tale from my still-unfinished "Warrior" saga/novel/whatever, which I had been writing on my own; plus two other works--I remember there were five, but I don't remember what they all were.

In the end, my portfolio was huge. Two teachers (I won't say who they were because they weren't supposed to do this) took me aside the day after I handed it in, told me it was amazing, and said right off the bat that I was obviously going to get a Distinguished for it. (There are four "grades" for portfolios, and for the standardized tests, too: Novice, Apprentice, Proficient, and Distinguished. If you're interested, I got a Proficient on the math portfolio.)

"Are you still writing?" Mrs. Braden asked.

"Not really," I said, thinking of this journal and how it's all the writing I do at all anymore, especially now that I've quit the AMRN for good.

We spent awhile catching up--I assured her that I'm in remission, told her that I got married and about my job, and gave her my contact information, and she told me about her brother who is also in remission, and how she herself has been battling skin cancer--and then as we prepared to part ways she said, "You really should start writing again. You're so gifted."

I was sort of embarrassed, and looked away and said, "Well, I journal, but that's about it." I really wasn't sure what to say.

I don't know what to say, even now. I could condemn myself for being lazy, or for being afraid to try to write because of what I and others expect from my writing. I could complain that I have nothing interesting to say. I could muse that it seems like whenever I try to write something, it comes out terrible. But I don't know, I'm tired of going over and over all that stuff. I want a better answer, like I don't write because I don't want to, or that I am planning to write again. Something that isn't me sitting around in limbo.

Right now, though, I really need to get to bed. Gotta catch an early afternoon flight tomorrow. Hope I wake up in time.