Blogger keeps claiming that I can switch to Beta now, but when I go to do it it says I can't. That's what I get for having 2801 posts.
I don't know how Beta is going to work with remote hosting, anyway.
I watched three Full Metal Panic! DVDs last night. I really enjoy the original series. It's got just enough serious and just enough comedy.
At some point last night I was dreaming about FMP, though I can't remember what the plot was, exactly. There was an explosion in the dream and I woke up, and my first thought was something like, "We can't let anyone know this list of children's names." What list? I wondered as I staggered to the bathroom. A list of Whispered? (Maybe it was Santa's Naughty and Nice list.)
I had a hard time getting to sleep last night. For some reason I just kept thinking about our old apartment and the fire and everything we lost. Whenever I do that I get upset and fret about what I might have been able to save if I had thought and acted more quickly. Really, if I had tried to save my computer or purse or anything in the office, I might not be here today. I need to just be happy that I survived. And even if I had managed to grab something, I wouldn't have been able to save all the things I miss now, and I would just be fretting about them instead.
Then this morning when I went to the bathroom I was looking at our bed through the door and imagining myself crunching through fire rubble and finding just the metal parts of the frame, blackened and twisted.
I don't know where all that came from. It's been a year and a half.
My biggest source of depression lately is the slowly dawning realization that I will never live in Japan.
Also, I'm almost 30, and I'm nowhere near a stable household or career. I'm not really doing anything with my life. I do have a job I love and I am learning things there, but when I'm not at work all I do is watch shows on my computer. I still haven't gotten to where I cook frequently, which means we eat out a lot, which is unhealthy and expensive. And I feel like if I want anything to be different, I'm going to have to do it, and no one will help me, and that's just overwhelming.
It's unfair to do this, because everyone's situation is different, but I look at the people around me and am so jealous of their lives sometimes.
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3 comments:
Holy cow, I've forgotten that I started watching FMP a long time ago and never got my hands on the last two DVDs. I needed to get those so I could finally find out what was going on and how it would all end, but then I'd completely forgotten. It's been so long I'd need to watch the whole series over if I got the last two volumes. Not that I see that as a bad thing, actually.
I know what you mean about dreaming those unattainable dreams. Japan's actually my home country, the land of my birth and half of my culture, and yet I can't afford to visit there let alone live there. I have a good friend from college who's making a living there teaching but its been a long struggle for him to achieve that. There were times when it seemed likely he'd have to come back to the states with his family (he married there and had three kids, a son and then twins X-P). I've known plenty of other people who never even made it past a year though, so he's definitely an exception.
Last nite before I went to sleep I enjoyed reading about your parties and Brookie. I felt warm and happy that you were having fun. I entertained being there when you bake your Christmas cookies for work. We bake well together. I revelled in the thought that you loved work and your work pals and certainly had a lover at home.
We all think about what we don't have.-- Dreamers. But we also need to be thankful for what we have.
You have a loving husband, mom, dad, brothers, sister in laws, nephews, friends, grandmother, cousins etc.
You are uniquely qualified to do your job and even described as 'intelligent' LOL we knew that.
You keep a lovely home and can dig in and make a Thanksgiving meal for two as easily as warm up left overs.
I am so proud of you and wonder if you just expect too much of yourself.
Well - I don't want you to live in Japan -you would be too far away LOLLove MOM
You might want to try and explore a little with your food, expand your tastes. What you'll find is that you'll probably need to cook a little more to try and achieve some of the things, as they won't be commonplace in the U.S. Which is interesting, because people in the USA spend half of their food dollars on eating out.
Don't try and run before you can walk with cooking either; build up slowly. I know you enjoy Japanese food but that's probably going to be challenging because of the freshness and food safety issues, plus to be honest there's not a whole lot to it compared to a lot of Western cooking.
What you might like to try is reading some good food writing. I did enjoy Kitchen Confidential, though it meanders between biography and info on the food service industry. And he takes a fair amount of drugs. I do enjoy reading good cookbooks; Gordon Ramsey's have been pretty good and generally the recipes work so long as you don't get too ambitious. If you want cooking explained in scientific terms, then Cookwise is a good book, it'll explain things like how the proteins unfold during cooking.
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