...pretty much was nothing. I slept in today since I went to see Spider-Man 2 last night at midnight, and when I got up I just sort of lounged around until it was time to go to work (10 am, due to the movie). Normally I would play tennis with Paul now, but it's sort of rainy, and I really just want to take a nap.
So I think I'm going to watch Initial D Fourth Stage episode 4, then crawl into bed for awhile.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
DAY SIXTEEN
I slept in until 6 am today, so no workout. Just got out of the shower, and I'm having a French Vanilla Slim-Fast. I'll have some sort of Slim-Fast for lunch too. Not sure about dinner.
I'm supposed to bike tonight, but I'm also meeting up with some of the BoB guys at 9:30 to go see Spider-Man 2 (midnight show, but we want good seats). So I'm not sure how it will all work. I suppose I can manage it, though...
Training the new guy at work today, but before he comes in I'll have some time, so I'm going to see if I can't work up some more helpful documents. (I only had one or two to give him yesterday.)
I'm supposed to bike tonight, but I'm also meeting up with some of the BoB guys at 9:30 to go see Spider-Man 2 (midnight show, but we want good seats). So I'm not sure how it will all work. I suppose I can manage it, though...
Training the new guy at work today, but before he comes in I'll have some time, so I'm going to see if I can't work up some more helpful documents. (I only had one or two to give him yesterday.)
Forgot to write about DAY FIFTEEN
Yesterday I did a lap around the complex with handweights, did 5 minutes on the stairclimber, did my crunches and leg lifts and pushups, and then did three more minutes on the stairclimber. I also spent time stretching, due once again to muscle soreness.
I had two Slim-Fasts, two pieces of veggie pizza, and about 2/3 a pint of ice cream (left over from Sunday night).
I had two Slim-Fasts, two pieces of veggie pizza, and about 2/3 a pint of ice cream (left over from Sunday night).
Monday, June 28, 2004
Gainfully employed
For the next two weeks, I'll continue doing my job as usual. I'll also be training a new CSR; I started on it today. He's a great guy and I think he'll work out fine, especially since he actually has call center experience.
After the two weeks, my job will change a bit. I will shift from doing CSR/Dispatch to just my old regular duties. With this shift will come a decrease in hours, but I expected that. Robert said that maybe I would come in for two days and then work at home for two days, and that would be the extent of my work week. It sounds okay to me, even though it of course involves a hit to the ol' income.
We'll see how this works out. Hopefully it will be more like the way it was before, back when I used to love my job.
I did thoroughly enjoy today. Working with the new CSR was cool. I think I don't mind training people at all. It's interesting...I guess my real problems come in large groups and on the phone.
I borrowed Getting Things Done from Robert again, and I plan to have it read by the end of the week.
After the two weeks, my job will change a bit. I will shift from doing CSR/Dispatch to just my old regular duties. With this shift will come a decrease in hours, but I expected that. Robert said that maybe I would come in for two days and then work at home for two days, and that would be the extent of my work week. It sounds okay to me, even though it of course involves a hit to the ol' income.
We'll see how this works out. Hopefully it will be more like the way it was before, back when I used to love my job.
I did thoroughly enjoy today. Working with the new CSR was cool. I think I don't mind training people at all. It's interesting...I guess my real problems come in large groups and on the phone.
I borrowed Getting Things Done from Robert again, and I plan to have it read by the end of the week.
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Lots of posts to the Diary of My Childhood page
Sean's away at his LAN party this weekend, and I've basically spent all my time home alone. I haven't felt like going anywhere or doing anything, other than a quick trip yesterday to pick up dinner. I have had some oatmeal today, but I'm not sure what else I'm going to eat.
Yesterday I spent awhile reading Jennifer Government, and I watched BSSM 35 and 36 and two episodes of Hikaru no Go (the introduction of Mitani). Today I didn't really feel like doing any of that, so after piddling around online for awhile I pulled out all my old diaries and started looking for interesting entries to post to my site. That's essentially what I've been doing all day, since around 11 am.
When making posts to my Diary section, I try to keep the look and feel the same as what I have in front of me, be it notebook paper or a computer printout. I leave the typos and misspellings in on purpose. I've considered adding some notes in brackets, but ultimately I didn't want to disturb the flow.
The first item I posted was sort of a brief autobiography that I wrote in 1992. I was fond of starting out new diaries with longwinded explanations of myself.
It's interesting to me how much I apparently used to like pizza. It's also interesting how I sort of blew past important issues, like Kitty's cancer, and obsessed over silly things like TV shows and bragging about my academic achievements. That's youth for you...
The second one is a bit of a departure. It really illustrates how unhappy I was at my new school. I remember that day vividly. Those girls I got to "play" with were popular, and I didn't think that I was worthy of them. Having them spend time with me seemed like an amazing gift. At the same time, I felt that I didn't really fit in, and that I shouldn't be intruding. It was a horrible way to feel, even if I was ecstatic about it.
This is just silly. I think Lion-O is AJ, Panthro is Dad, Wily Kat is Ben, and Cheetara is Mom. But I'm not sure, because typically AJ and I were Wily Kit and Wily Kat, so maybe Ben was Lion-O. Anyway, I'm not sure why I was pretending we were all Thundercats, but I recall that we used to do that a lot.
I wonder what I was in trouble for. Isn't it funny that going to bed was such a horrible punishment?
I found the entry where I wrote about Alex, the guy I basically led on during the Beta Convention in Louisville. I was just so confused back then. I didn't know how to act, and I didn't think I was attractive. I was afraid he was going to take advantage of me, too. I remember Michael telling me at the time that Alex was probably just as scared as I was, but I didn't believe him.
Michael was probably right. I wonder what else he was right about, back then.
Here's the "resolution" (as it were) of the Alex saga.
Apparently during GSP, it was very important that cute guys find me interesting. (Who am I kidding? It's probably still a factor to this day ;>)
I cracked up laughing reading this. My attempt at reproducing Jane Austen's writing style didn't go too badly, did it?
I vaguely remember that guy, Jason McNeely. There's a picture of him in the GSP yearbook. I think I only liked him because he was cute.
(I should explain that jing-a-ling-a-ling thing...Dad's friend Kenny used to sing a country song that went "I've got some change in my pocket goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling", but back then I always thought he was saying "keys" instead of "change".)
Here is the first place where I mention my belief that Matt Gunterman liked me. As you can see, I was being superficial and stupid, and avoiding what my own feelings might have been. Rather reminiscent of the Alex situation, isn't it? (And yeah, his looks were a ridiculous reason, because as anyone who has visited his website knows, he is totally hot.)
A theme in some of my younger posts is having milk-and-cookies before bed. This was probably not a very good idea. Food seemed to factor hugely in my life when I was a child.
In this particular post, I mention writing a story. I don't know where that story is or what it's about. I also mention something called a "G", and I have no idea what that is. And finally, I must say that when I came across the line "When I grow up, I will live in the wilderness.", plunked right in the middle of the entry with no reasoning whatsoever, I laughed out loud.
Yeah, I ate a lot as a kid.
When you're a kid, you can draw posters for absolutely no reason and it makes perfect sense.
I remember that Bangladesh project. Most vividly, I remember making a traditional Bangladesh dessert. The name was something like "barfy", which we found amusing to no end. I left the leftovers in the Geography classroom, where a moronic student in a later class period licked it all off the pan. Mr. Ash was really apologetic, and he cleaned the pan for me, but that didn't curb my ire one bit. I had wanted to eat the leftovers!!
This entry mentions obliquely an interesting thing that happened when I transitioned to middle school. When I had first come to public school, for fourth grade, I was pretty much an outcast. I found everyone to be mean and selfish, and so I'm pretty sure that I was snobby to them. This resulted in me getting picked on a lot. When I finally found some friends, they weren't the popular kids, they were sort of geeky--and yet not good students, either. They were good friends, though, and I appreciated them.
One of those friends was Melissa, who lived down the street from me and therefore rode the same bus. We were best friends through fifth grade.
Then, in sixth grade, I got into the higher level classes, while Melissa stayed in average ones. I met Noelle Mitchell, who was smart and friendly and sweet, and she became my new best friend. At the time I wasn't thinking about how I was jilting Melissa...it was just that I really liked Noelle and wanted to spend time with her. So, basically, I spent a lot of time being mad at Melissa for not "accepting" that Noelle was my best friend now. (I was a real gem, wasn't I?)
Oh, and the Mark fellow I mention...he was sort of my boyfriend. Kind of. I remember he came over to my house and we hugged once. :>
Here, I actually mention making that wish that I could go into other "dimensions" where fictional characters live. I also mention Governor's Cup, which was something that really made me feel special and unique. (I ended up with a really big head in middle school, though...)
Three breakfasts! O_O
I still have my binders of TMNT and Darkwing Duck stories. I should type them up sometime...but it would be a project, as there are quite a few of them.
I knew that I was in the bad habit of sneaking food, but I didn't remember ever collaborating with AJ on such a project.
I don't remember who Bruno Leon is. Obviously that's a chosen name for some guy in my French class. Surely that's not his real name. (My chosen name in French class was Julie-Alice. Duncan, aka Mr. Make My Heart Skip a Beat Why Don't You, was known as Xavier.)
All that "drama" with kung fu class really bothered me at the time. I believed that our instructor could do no wrong back then. It took awhile; the original students all dropped out and my friends and I became the highest ranked in the class before I started to realize that he was just as fallible as the rest of us, and that I didn't like the direction he was going. I would like to do something like kung fu again someday, but I think I will end up being really picky about joining a class.
And that's all of them for today. I may post more later, but I'm tired of typing them out ;)
It's been fun revisiting my memories, especially the younger ones, because I think those are hilarious. The teenage ones are pretty enlightening, too.
I think I spent today doing this because I wanted to retreat into myself for awhile. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I am going back to work, but I'm not sure what will happen.
Wish me luck.
Yesterday I spent awhile reading Jennifer Government, and I watched BSSM 35 and 36 and two episodes of Hikaru no Go (the introduction of Mitani). Today I didn't really feel like doing any of that, so after piddling around online for awhile I pulled out all my old diaries and started looking for interesting entries to post to my site. That's essentially what I've been doing all day, since around 11 am.
When making posts to my Diary section, I try to keep the look and feel the same as what I have in front of me, be it notebook paper or a computer printout. I leave the typos and misspellings in on purpose. I've considered adding some notes in brackets, but ultimately I didn't want to disturb the flow.
The first item I posted was sort of a brief autobiography that I wrote in 1992. I was fond of starting out new diaries with longwinded explanations of myself.
It's interesting to me how much I apparently used to like pizza. It's also interesting how I sort of blew past important issues, like Kitty's cancer, and obsessed over silly things like TV shows and bragging about my academic achievements. That's youth for you...
The second one is a bit of a departure. It really illustrates how unhappy I was at my new school. I remember that day vividly. Those girls I got to "play" with were popular, and I didn't think that I was worthy of them. Having them spend time with me seemed like an amazing gift. At the same time, I felt that I didn't really fit in, and that I shouldn't be intruding. It was a horrible way to feel, even if I was ecstatic about it.
This is just silly. I think Lion-O is AJ, Panthro is Dad, Wily Kat is Ben, and Cheetara is Mom. But I'm not sure, because typically AJ and I were Wily Kit and Wily Kat, so maybe Ben was Lion-O. Anyway, I'm not sure why I was pretending we were all Thundercats, but I recall that we used to do that a lot.
I wonder what I was in trouble for. Isn't it funny that going to bed was such a horrible punishment?
I found the entry where I wrote about Alex, the guy I basically led on during the Beta Convention in Louisville. I was just so confused back then. I didn't know how to act, and I didn't think I was attractive. I was afraid he was going to take advantage of me, too. I remember Michael telling me at the time that Alex was probably just as scared as I was, but I didn't believe him.
Michael was probably right. I wonder what else he was right about, back then.
Here's the "resolution" (as it were) of the Alex saga.
Apparently during GSP, it was very important that cute guys find me interesting. (Who am I kidding? It's probably still a factor to this day ;>)
I cracked up laughing reading this. My attempt at reproducing Jane Austen's writing style didn't go too badly, did it?
I vaguely remember that guy, Jason McNeely. There's a picture of him in the GSP yearbook. I think I only liked him because he was cute.
(I should explain that jing-a-ling-a-ling thing...Dad's friend Kenny used to sing a country song that went "I've got some change in my pocket goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling", but back then I always thought he was saying "keys" instead of "change".)
Here is the first place where I mention my belief that Matt Gunterman liked me. As you can see, I was being superficial and stupid, and avoiding what my own feelings might have been. Rather reminiscent of the Alex situation, isn't it? (And yeah, his looks were a ridiculous reason, because as anyone who has visited his website knows, he is totally hot.)
A theme in some of my younger posts is having milk-and-cookies before bed. This was probably not a very good idea. Food seemed to factor hugely in my life when I was a child.
In this particular post, I mention writing a story. I don't know where that story is or what it's about. I also mention something called a "G", and I have no idea what that is. And finally, I must say that when I came across the line "When I grow up, I will live in the wilderness.", plunked right in the middle of the entry with no reasoning whatsoever, I laughed out loud.
Yeah, I ate a lot as a kid.
When you're a kid, you can draw posters for absolutely no reason and it makes perfect sense.
I remember that Bangladesh project. Most vividly, I remember making a traditional Bangladesh dessert. The name was something like "barfy", which we found amusing to no end. I left the leftovers in the Geography classroom, where a moronic student in a later class period licked it all off the pan. Mr. Ash was really apologetic, and he cleaned the pan for me, but that didn't curb my ire one bit. I had wanted to eat the leftovers!!
This entry mentions obliquely an interesting thing that happened when I transitioned to middle school. When I had first come to public school, for fourth grade, I was pretty much an outcast. I found everyone to be mean and selfish, and so I'm pretty sure that I was snobby to them. This resulted in me getting picked on a lot. When I finally found some friends, they weren't the popular kids, they were sort of geeky--and yet not good students, either. They were good friends, though, and I appreciated them.
One of those friends was Melissa, who lived down the street from me and therefore rode the same bus. We were best friends through fifth grade.
Then, in sixth grade, I got into the higher level classes, while Melissa stayed in average ones. I met Noelle Mitchell, who was smart and friendly and sweet, and she became my new best friend. At the time I wasn't thinking about how I was jilting Melissa...it was just that I really liked Noelle and wanted to spend time with her. So, basically, I spent a lot of time being mad at Melissa for not "accepting" that Noelle was my best friend now. (I was a real gem, wasn't I?)
Oh, and the Mark fellow I mention...he was sort of my boyfriend. Kind of. I remember he came over to my house and we hugged once. :>
Here, I actually mention making that wish that I could go into other "dimensions" where fictional characters live. I also mention Governor's Cup, which was something that really made me feel special and unique. (I ended up with a really big head in middle school, though...)
Three breakfasts! O_O
I still have my binders of TMNT and Darkwing Duck stories. I should type them up sometime...but it would be a project, as there are quite a few of them.
I knew that I was in the bad habit of sneaking food, but I didn't remember ever collaborating with AJ on such a project.
I don't remember who Bruno Leon is. Obviously that's a chosen name for some guy in my French class. Surely that's not his real name. (My chosen name in French class was Julie-Alice. Duncan, aka Mr. Make My Heart Skip a Beat Why Don't You, was known as Xavier.)
All that "drama" with kung fu class really bothered me at the time. I believed that our instructor could do no wrong back then. It took awhile; the original students all dropped out and my friends and I became the highest ranked in the class before I started to realize that he was just as fallible as the rest of us, and that I didn't like the direction he was going. I would like to do something like kung fu again someday, but I think I will end up being really picky about joining a class.
And that's all of them for today. I may post more later, but I'm tired of typing them out ;)
It's been fun revisiting my memories, especially the younger ones, because I think those are hilarious. The teenage ones are pretty enlightening, too.
I think I spent today doing this because I wanted to retreat into myself for awhile. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. I am going back to work, but I'm not sure what will happen.
Wish me luck.
January 6, 1993, 8:40 AM - Wednesday (14 years old)
I was so tired this morning. But I got up and came to school anyway. So here I am in 1st hour with nothing to do but write. And that's good!
A lot of changes have been made concerning Kung Fu class, and I will illustrate them. First, we moved to a new church, which is much nicer than the old one and doesn't charge us rent. Second, the class went from two nights a week to three. Which brings about point number three, a price increase. It went from $25 a month to $37.
A lot of people were unhappy about the new high price, saying they couldn't afford it. Since I'm not paying, my only problem was the Saturday morning class, because I want to stay home and watch cartoons like a slug. But I decided to go for it anyway, because I don't want to be a slug. I want to be a trim, fit human being.
The weirdest thing happened to me yesterday at Wal-Mart. AJ said to me, "Heather, you wanna see Duncan? He's right over there." And my heart SKIPPED A BEAT. That was the weirdest feeling I've ever had! I think I'm letting this crush get out of hand.
AJ and Ben had been talking to Duncan. He's not too happy about the new prices and he thinks it's unfair. I don't, because Si Fu has explained how he came up with the price. He's only charging a little more an hour now, and he's giving most of it to the church, maybe all of it, as a donation, because he feels that's what Christ smiles upon. I hope Duncan will come back to class. He didn't come because he didn't like the price. But he talked to Si Fu after class. He's taken Kung Fu for two years and he shouldn't quit now. Besides, if he quits I'll probably never become more than casual friends with him, although I've already told him I have a crush on him. I wonder what he thinks of me? He probably thinks I'm a dork. One thing I know...I gave him a Christmas card and he didn't give me one back. That's because he never gives Christmas cards back. He needs to work on that.
I don't know how I'm going to tape Darkwing Duck while I'm at Kung Fu. I guess I'll have to play with the VCR timer.
Later.
SAME DAY, 10:04.
Bell's about to ring for third hour. Just wanted to relate an interesting anecdote. We were in Wilmore looking for the church, and AJ kept saying, "What about that one?" and I'd reply, "That's Asbury." After a few of these, AJ suddenly burst out: "There's a COLLEGE in WILMORE?"
SAME DAY, 11:52 AM
I just let Bruno Leon read part of my Batman script. He sent it back to me with the note: "This is not funny! You're insulting Bruce Wayne! He knows what an appetizer is!" I sent it back, adding, "Yeah, but Dick Grayson doesn't." Bruno wasn't amused. He loves Batman. I hope I didn't offend him. :(
12:43 PM
Some people assured me that he wasn't offended, and I stayed after class showing Madame Fields my Batman script. But a new problem has come up. [Person who doesn't want her name anywhere on the Internet] says that she won't be here on the day we're supposed to do our oral report. So we might lose a point for "not being ready"! I'm angry with [Person who doesn't want her name anywhere on the Internet]. What if that one point puts our grade at a 91 instead of a 92? Mrs. Stamper says that we won't lose the point if we can get someone to trade us days. We've got MONDAY. Who in their right mind will trade with us?
A lot of changes have been made concerning Kung Fu class, and I will illustrate them. First, we moved to a new church, which is much nicer than the old one and doesn't charge us rent. Second, the class went from two nights a week to three. Which brings about point number three, a price increase. It went from $25 a month to $37.
A lot of people were unhappy about the new high price, saying they couldn't afford it. Since I'm not paying, my only problem was the Saturday morning class, because I want to stay home and watch cartoons like a slug. But I decided to go for it anyway, because I don't want to be a slug. I want to be a trim, fit human being.
The weirdest thing happened to me yesterday at Wal-Mart. AJ said to me, "Heather, you wanna see Duncan? He's right over there." And my heart SKIPPED A BEAT. That was the weirdest feeling I've ever had! I think I'm letting this crush get out of hand.
AJ and Ben had been talking to Duncan. He's not too happy about the new prices and he thinks it's unfair. I don't, because Si Fu has explained how he came up with the price. He's only charging a little more an hour now, and he's giving most of it to the church, maybe all of it, as a donation, because he feels that's what Christ smiles upon. I hope Duncan will come back to class. He didn't come because he didn't like the price. But he talked to Si Fu after class. He's taken Kung Fu for two years and he shouldn't quit now. Besides, if he quits I'll probably never become more than casual friends with him, although I've already told him I have a crush on him. I wonder what he thinks of me? He probably thinks I'm a dork. One thing I know...I gave him a Christmas card and he didn't give me one back. That's because he never gives Christmas cards back. He needs to work on that.
I don't know how I'm going to tape Darkwing Duck while I'm at Kung Fu. I guess I'll have to play with the VCR timer.
Later.
-HA
SAME DAY, 10:04.
Bell's about to ring for third hour. Just wanted to relate an interesting anecdote. We were in Wilmore looking for the church, and AJ kept saying, "What about that one?" and I'd reply, "That's Asbury." After a few of these, AJ suddenly burst out: "There's a COLLEGE in WILMORE?"
-HA
SAME DAY, 11:52 AM
I just let Bruno Leon read part of my Batman script. He sent it back to me with the note: "This is not funny! You're insulting Bruce Wayne! He knows what an appetizer is!" I sent it back, adding, "Yeah, but Dick Grayson doesn't." Bruno wasn't amused. He loves Batman. I hope I didn't offend him. :(
-HA
12:43 PM
Some people assured me that he wasn't offended, and I stayed after class showing Madame Fields my Batman script. But a new problem has come up. [Person who doesn't want her name anywhere on the Internet] says that she won't be here on the day we're supposed to do our oral report. So we might lose a point for "not being ready"! I'm angry with [Person who doesn't want her name anywhere on the Internet]. What if that one point puts our grade at a 91 instead of a 92? Mrs. Stamper says that we won't lose the point if we can get someone to trade us days. We've got MONDAY. Who in their right mind will trade with us?
-HA
October 28, 1990 - Sunday (12 years old)
Today I woke up and the boys were already up. I had a Pop-tart and a bowl of Froot Loops. Later Dad made hash browns and sausage. 3 breakfasts! The boys went on a train ride with Jon and his friend. I typed my story, did work for dad and read books. We made a cool lunch (late.). I finished my Raphael story and started a Splinter and Leo story. They're cool. They boys got home but were at Jon's when Gma & Gpa came. They called me and I made them come home. They said Hi and then went back. We did junk with them and they left. The boys stayed at Jon's for 1 hour. Then me & AJ stole cookies & Ben used a slingshot. Then AJ played Mario 2. I watched. We watched TV & had supper. I had a shower and finished early. Then I ate milk & cookies, read, and went to bed.
March 9, 1990 - Friday (11 years old)
Today I got up early. Last night I had made the wish that I wish all the time: that I could transform into anyone I wanted to and go to that person's place but it has to be fictional. It never comes true. Today I sang in music for Mrs. Armstrong and Miss Davidson. It was fun. I wanted to invite Noelle over but I couldn't and I forgot to call her. We went out to eat and buy clothes. I had a good meal and a good dessert. Then we went home. On the way, we checked out Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Oh, it's the weekend! I am going to State Governor's Cup Competition day after tomorrow! Oh I can't wait! It will be so thrilling! We camped out in the floor tonight.
March 8, 1990 - Thursday (11 years old)
Today Mom drove me to school and I am not talking to Melissa. She called Noelle a pipskweak all the time. I finished my contract today...everything. In Science we did a worksheet. That stuff is really interesting. In Academic Plus we talked about costumes for the play. In Reading, we read. In Social Studies, we took notes. In Math we did easy stuff but I forgot to do number 17. I'll try to do it in Academic Plus.
Melissa and I made up on the bus. Mark walked with me until he reached his bus. Well thats all.
Melissa and I made up on the bus. Mark walked with me until he reached his bus. Well thats all.
April 18, 1990 - Wednesday (11 years old)
Today in Music we had a test. I got 100. In English we did our contracts. In Science we played review basketball. In Academic + we had Sex Ed. In Reading we made up stories about Tuck Everlasting. In Social Studies we got a new assignment to do a presentation on countries. Noelle and I are partners and we got Bangladesh. It is really neat. I want to invite her over this weekend to work on it. In Math we did some # line problems. At home I played my lesson. I did a little on Bangladesh and watched TV and played Nintendo. Kitty came over. We went to Wal-Mart. Turtles the arcade wasn't working. Back at home we had porkchops, spinach and mashed potatoes for dinner. That was before Wal-Mart. When we got back we had dessert. Us kids started to draw posters. AJ = Marios Me = DuckTales Ben = Popeye. Ben kept messing up. We read the Secret Garden.
July 24, 1990 - Tuesday (12 years old)
Today we watched a little TV and Mom made coffee cake, and me, the pig, ate almost half of it! Then Dad brought over stuff from Long John Silvers and I pigged out! Later we dropped Dad off to get his truck again and then went to McAlpin's. I got some shorts with my gift certificate. Then we got A&W floats. Then we went to Toys 'R' Us where AJ purchased Krang. Then to Winn Dixie. I got 3 cute plants. Mom got tons of junk and then she didn't have any checks! She left for some. We left for home. AJ played piano then we went and rented Chip n' Dale (game). We ate dinner and Klondike bars. Then AJ got to Gadget. Then he died. He later showed us his cartoon of Turtles. Better stop now because it's 12:35...tomorrow!
September 18, 1990 - Tuesday (12 years old)
Today I got up and made my bed. We got ready but it seemed the bus had never come. We found that the bus had come, but very early. At school I lost my Bic pencil, but at least I had my books. We had a sub in Reading so I didn't get to turn in my Comprehension or my rough sketches. I finished my "G" in school and home. I finished my homework in time to watch Turtles. It was the one about Rex-1. When I grow up, I will live in the wilderness. I took a bath tonight and during it I thought about double-chins. Double chins make you comfortable-looking, but no second chin makes you beautiful. I'd rather be beautiful.
I started to write abook story about a girl named Agatha Amelia. We had Zingers for milk-and-cookies and brushed our teeth and went to bed. (I hope I get the stuff I asked for for Christmas. I will copy my list and put it in here.)
I started to write a
July 22, 1995, 12:45 a.m. - Governor's Scholars Program (17 years old)
Geez, it's the last day! And 14 min after midnight! And I'm going home in 10 1/2 hours! For good!!
I've just been reading this journal and it doesn't even begin to adequately describe my experiences here. It barely scratches the surface. Hopefully the sigs & messages in the back, along with my scrapbook, will help me to remember. In the meantime, I'll try to highlight my fave moments:
I've just been reading this journal and it doesn't even begin to adequately describe my experiences here. It barely scratches the surface. Hopefully the sigs & messages in the back, along with my scrapbook, will help me to remember. In the meantime, I'll try to highlight my fave moments:
- The Star Wars movies, July 16, 17, & 18. There were some tense times concerning those. "Star Wars" went off without a hitch, but "Empire" wasn't rewound & I barely found the projectionist in time for "Jedi"! Whew! But I pulled it off. Now I'm basically famous. :)
- Being named "most radical" in my hall, July 20. This occurred basically because I dyed my hair red. (Pink would be a more accurate term :).) Right now I have a moon tatoo on my neck. Nifty. But today the girls on my hall kinda flashed F2...I didn't really care to get in on that!! Oh well, can't be totally insane...:)
- Hanging out with Shannon Caveman. She's basically my best friend here, and we've spent most of our time together. We're in astronomy, so we shared some cloudy cowfields.
- Astronomy. We never, ever had a clear night in a cowfield. Ever. So we didn't get to do as much as we should have. But we can't control the weather...meanwhile, we watched tons of great movies, like "2001" and "Stargate" and "Darkstar" and "The Day the Earth Stood Still". (Klatuu Baratta Nikto, It's so quiet in here, Doolittle - Tastes like chicken! - The earth was without form, lifeless, and I was pleased - Let there be light! - I wouldn't do that if I were you...) - and of course we must have some Star Wars quotes: "Will somebody get this big walking carpet outta my way?" "I have a very bad feeling about this." "It's not my fault!" "Free us, or die." "He's no Jedi." "Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." "Strong am I in the Force...but not that strong." "Once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny--consume you it will!"
- Hanging out with Matt, Mike, and Shannon. Much to your surprise, I did NOT spend all my time sulking and drooling over guys. (It just happened that I only wrote in my journal during those times.)
--testing a new pen...--
DAMN! Stupid pens're running outta ink!! - Playing piano. I used music to express my feelings when I needed to--it was great.
- Talking to Doug Griggs. My problem-solving teacher is so cool. I love him! He's insightful & thoughtful. His class has been very challenging! :)
- Seminar. It's been fun, once I got over Drew. Well, I probably won't be totally over him, but at least I'm not panting after him.
*INSERTED THOUGHT*: tonight (last night) was the Final Banquet. We sat w/Focus Area. I was across from Matt & next to Shannon. Mike was next to Matt. I was about to mention something about looking for cute waiters when Matt yelled at me, "Stop lusting!" I couldn't stop laughing for at least 5 minutes. See, spending time with Matt is great fun!!
*ANOTHER INSERTED THOUGHT*: Matt wrote that he had something to tell me before we leave. I wonder what he meant. What could he say? I've thought that maybe he's fallen for me, and I wonder how I'd react. I like Matt, but I don't know if I like him that way. I don't know if I'm hung up on looks, or what. But then again I don't know if that's what he wants to tell me or not.
I remember we were sitting on One-Tree-Hill one night talking about love. He said he's never been in love. I told him about my semi-Duncan love. He said that he was sad about never getting a close relationship with a girl. The thought entered my mind that I could learn over and kiss him and change his life. I know I blushed, and I certainly restrained myself. I don't even know if we like each other.
But anyway...:) - Picture-taking. I've managed to take some good pix, and I hope they'll be sufficient to help me remember GSP.
- Scrapbook. I've been saving little items and these I've put in a photo album. I'll put photos in the front. It'll be cool.
June 25, 1995, 6:08 pm - Governor's Scholars Program (17 years old)
The reader will pardon me, for any change he may see in my writing; for I have adapted my style, to coincide with that of Jane Austin, whose novel, I have finished this afternoon.
In the abovementioned novel it is obvious when two people, are going to be married. There was no surprise at the end, but a happy end notwithstanding. I find that in my life, it is much harder, to perceive the affexions of a member of the opposite sex; their behavior is to me, very baffling. And so it is to no great surprise, that I am dateless this evening for the Showcase. It is not necessarily a fete requiring an escort, but on my part, the escort, will be sorely missed. I refer of course to a particular person, the attentions of whom I have no cause or right to expect, yet my heart longs after him. But after such a grievous mistake as has been made the evening previous, I doubt he pays me any mind at all, except occasionally to shudder, at my impudence and silliness.
I saw him today at dinner, but dared not join him, for I knew none that were in his company; approaching him, therefore, would be forward. I ate in solitude, trying not to allow my eyes, to wander to his table. This was all in vain, since not looking at him is quite impossible.
As I left the room I greeted him in the least civil manner without being rude, and his greeting of me, was matching in its abruptness and apparent lack of interest. I am certain, that he is quite worried to speak to me, as I have lowered myself in front of him so plainly and stupidly. I cannot realize that he may never return my affections, for my life has always been filled with unrealised dreams.
This being said, I would like to assure the reader, that I am perfectly happy with my station in life, and although it brings me sorrow to think that I may always be an old maid, I will try to do a service, to my position in society.
That was interesting, was it not? Writing it, I had to vary my expressions to match those of Austen; not extremely difficult, although it did require me not to cite actual conversations.
The violins and trumpets hail the approach of Darth Vader, and the reader knows I listen to the Imperial March.
After such a digression it is hard to go on without reciting some anecdote from the Star Wars universe; but I will restrain myself.
If the reader has been intimate with me the past few days, he knows that the preceding Austen passage's pivotal point has been Jason Ray McNeely, although I feel it necessary to mention that I did not have his full name memorized, I had to look it up. So there!
This, of course, proves nothing. Being a fairly absent-minded person, I can admire things of which I know not the name (Awkward sentence, just to avoid a dangling preposition--though I suppose it would be considered everyday speech in Austen's time.)
As a matter of fact, I admired Jason for two or three days without knowing his name.
I wish I could just take him aside and say, "The first time I saw you, you smiled at me, and I can be quite the assuming person, so I thought there could be a chance of something between us. But recent events--including my realization that you never think about quantum physics--have made me realize that you were only smiling at me in a friendly way, as you smile to everyone. I am not saying that a relationship between us is an absurd idea; I'm saying that I read too much into a look. I am not in love with you--I've never been in love with anyone. However, you do seem to be a well-rounded person and very likeable, and I would certainly enjoy continuing your acquantaince, though certainly without any hidden desires or silliness on my part. All I desire is a friendship, and it bothers me when my assuming nature drives so many people who could be my friends away."
Whew! I have never in my life been able to vocalize my feelings of that nature with so much accuracy and yet so much discretion.
--To be completely off the subject, the original version of "The Asteroid Field" is horrendous and I'm glad John Williams was able to fix it.--
Well. I certainly have had a lot to say. I was going to write about Michael Perry, since Rebecca Shoemaker remarked that Jason reminds her of him. (This news, of course, put me almost into a state of shock. If I were a weaker person, my heart probably would have failed and I would have spent the rest of the 5 weeks hospitalized. What I know of Michael Perry, and the extreme circumstances the two of us had an enormous chance of being involved in, is enough to still scare me out of my mind. I can tell you one thing--I'm glad I'm not Amy Copatrick Perry, to be sure!)
But. I don't feel like writing much longer. I wish to go mingle with the commoners, so to speak. Before the Showcase, which starts at 8. So I'll put my keys in my pocket (goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling) and be on my way. Adieu!
In the abovementioned novel it is obvious when two people, are going to be married. There was no surprise at the end, but a happy end notwithstanding. I find that in my life, it is much harder, to perceive the affexions of a member of the opposite sex; their behavior is to me, very baffling. And so it is to no great surprise, that I am dateless this evening for the Showcase. It is not necessarily a fete requiring an escort, but on my part, the escort, will be sorely missed. I refer of course to a particular person, the attentions of whom I have no cause or right to expect, yet my heart longs after him. But after such a grievous mistake as has been made the evening previous, I doubt he pays me any mind at all, except occasionally to shudder, at my impudence and silliness.
I saw him today at dinner, but dared not join him, for I knew none that were in his company; approaching him, therefore, would be forward. I ate in solitude, trying not to allow my eyes, to wander to his table. This was all in vain, since not looking at him is quite impossible.
As I left the room I greeted him in the least civil manner without being rude, and his greeting of me, was matching in its abruptness and apparent lack of interest. I am certain, that he is quite worried to speak to me, as I have lowered myself in front of him so plainly and stupidly. I cannot realize that he may never return my affections, for my life has always been filled with unrealised dreams.
This being said, I would like to assure the reader, that I am perfectly happy with my station in life, and although it brings me sorrow to think that I may always be an old maid, I will try to do a service, to my position in society.
* * *
That was interesting, was it not? Writing it, I had to vary my expressions to match those of Austen; not extremely difficult, although it did require me not to cite actual conversations.
The violins and trumpets hail the approach of Darth Vader, and the reader knows I listen to the Imperial March.
After such a digression it is hard to go on without reciting some anecdote from the Star Wars universe; but I will restrain myself.
If the reader has been intimate with me the past few days, he knows that the preceding Austen passage's pivotal point has been Jason Ray McNeely, although I feel it necessary to mention that I did not have his full name memorized, I had to look it up. So there!
This, of course, proves nothing. Being a fairly absent-minded person, I can admire things of which I know not the name (Awkward sentence, just to avoid a dangling preposition--though I suppose it would be considered everyday speech in Austen's time.)
As a matter of fact, I admired Jason for two or three days without knowing his name.
I wish I could just take him aside and say, "The first time I saw you, you smiled at me, and I can be quite the assuming person, so I thought there could be a chance of something between us. But recent events--including my realization that you never think about quantum physics--have made me realize that you were only smiling at me in a friendly way, as you smile to everyone. I am not saying that a relationship between us is an absurd idea; I'm saying that I read too much into a look. I am not in love with you--I've never been in love with anyone. However, you do seem to be a well-rounded person and very likeable, and I would certainly enjoy continuing your acquantaince, though certainly without any hidden desires or silliness on my part. All I desire is a friendship, and it bothers me when my assuming nature drives so many people who could be my friends away."
Whew! I have never in my life been able to vocalize my feelings of that nature with so much accuracy and yet so much discretion.
--To be completely off the subject, the original version of "The Asteroid Field" is horrendous and I'm glad John Williams was able to fix it.--
Well. I certainly have had a lot to say. I was going to write about Michael Perry, since Rebecca Shoemaker remarked that Jason reminds her of him. (This news, of course, put me almost into a state of shock. If I were a weaker person, my heart probably would have failed and I would have spent the rest of the 5 weeks hospitalized. What I know of Michael Perry, and the extreme circumstances the two of us had an enormous chance of being involved in, is enough to still scare me out of my mind. I can tell you one thing--I'm glad I'm not Amy Copatrick Perry, to be sure!)
But. I don't feel like writing much longer. I wish to go mingle with the commoners, so to speak. Before the Showcase, which starts at 8. So I'll put my keys in my pocket (goin' jing-a-ling-a-ling) and be on my way. Adieu!
June 22, 1995, 7:50 pm - Governor's Scholars Program (17 years old)
We just had a very interesting seminar. We talked a lot about politics and the environment and overpopulation and Darwinian theory and poor people and discrimination. It was great. I actually talked! There's a shock for you. I was in a really bad mood (mostly over Jason and feeling ugly and stupid) but I feel a lot better now. I was vocal, and my ideas were well thought out. So I feel smart. And a cute guy is sitting by me, and a cute guy agreed with me on things, so I feel attractive.
So...
Here I am, and I feel good now. It's been an okay day.
That's about it...
So...
Here I am, and I feel good now. It's been an okay day.
That's about it...
December 4, 1994, 10:35 am - Beta Convention (16 years old)
I never found Alex. My suicidal thoughts and angry feelings about myself are gone. Thank you Midol.
I called AJ last night, collect from a pay phone. I actually wanted to talk to Mom, but she was at work. But talking to AJ was actually good. He is a sweetie.
He & Kristanne rented "Regarding Henry" and "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" on Saturday, and watched them at her house. They had a good day, though I didn't.
Oh well. It wasn't the worst day I've ever had.
I still feel bad because I think I really hurt Alex's feelings. I don't know what I can do about it. I'll try to get a hold of a Louisville phone book and find his address. Though I can't pronounce his last name, I'd recognize it if I saw it. I know it started with an "M".
Michael tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault. He's such a nice guy. He was too good for me. I lost him because I thought he wasn't.
I called AJ last night, collect from a pay phone. I actually wanted to talk to Mom, but she was at work. But talking to AJ was actually good. He is a sweetie.
He & Kristanne rented "Regarding Henry" and "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom" on Saturday, and watched them at her house. They had a good day, though I didn't.
Oh well. It wasn't the worst day I've ever had.
I still feel bad because I think I really hurt Alex's feelings. I don't know what I can do about it. I'll try to get a hold of a Louisville phone book and find his address. Though I can't pronounce his last name, I'd recognize it if I saw it. I know it started with an "M".
Michael tried to tell me that it wasn't my fault. He's such a nice guy. He was too good for me. I lost him because I thought he wasn't.
December 3, 1994, 6:26 PM - Beta Convention (16 years old)
Is it vain to love your own eyes? Mine are so wonderful, and it's so great to have contact lenses so that other people can see them.
They're a lovely shade of blue-grey, speckled almost but gradual enough to be a fuzzy conglomeration of color.
When I came to this convention I didn't think I'd have much to write about. Turns out I have lots to say but no time to say it in!
Gotta go, but will return. -general assembly & dance time!
8:55- I'm back, & I'm not a happy camper. I was so excited before, but now I'm depressed. The thing w/Alex...I didn't get to run for president...I didn't win in Creative Writing. Barf! I must have next to no talent whatsoever. Occasionally I come off with a good line, but the rest of the time I must stink. (At least in timed writings!)
The reader doesn't know about the thing w/Alex, does he? He's a guy who kind of picked me up yesterday when I was depressed. I don't feel like going into the details at this position of the earth's rotation. Why? I'm just too depressed, bud.
So will I go to yonder dance? I haven't any idea. I was going to go & wear my green pants outfit, but now I'm not too sure.
Want to know why I hate pictures? I look ugly when I smile.
I really do. I have a fat face and when I smile, all the fat pouches up and hides my eyes. I would have decently-accentuated cheekbones if I wasn't so overweight.
And to think that this book was supposed to be a romantic tale of the life of a teenager. Tragedy sells, to be sure, but that's not the kind of autobiography I wanted to write. Well, that's life, and things never turn out exactly the way you expect them to. So I might go to that dance and actually have a good time. But most likely I'll just get more depressed, because I'm not a very outgoing person. Oh well--going to try on my pants outfit now. ---
9:13- I'm reverting back into the self-destructive hatred of Heather Aubrey of my sophomore year.
I hate myself! I was so rude to Alex, my writing sucks, Michael never really wanted to date me in the first place, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, and I cry over ignorant things. Like I'm crying now.
I'm such an awful person! No wonder poor Alex never tried to find me after last night.
My hideous ponch sticks out so far I look terrible in my beautiful pants outfit. My waist must be ten inches more around than it should be.
And I thought my creative writing piece was good. Just shows that I'm stuck up to boot.
I want to call Mom. I think I'll try. No reason for her not to be home, unless she's at work :(
Can't. These phones don't call long-distance.
My butt is so huge! And my flabby face dwarfs the only good thing about me (my eyes), so even they're not beautiful.
I'm not going to eat dinner tonight. I need to lose weight. I'm so ugly. Maybe if I lose 15 pounds I'll look good, but it will probably take more than that. (15 off would only put me at 135, and the average girl of my height should weigh 115. I'm lame, huh, weighing 150 now. That's 35 pounds I have to lose, and of course, I can't do it.
I'm so lazy, dumb, procrastinative, unmotivated, lethargic...I'd need a Thesaurus to cover all the facets of my horrible self.
It's awful being this way and a perfectionist too. Being down on myself makes me even more unattractive than I already am.
Alex was such a nice guy! I'm such an idiot! He was caring enough to offer a depressed girl a place with him at dinner. (That would be me.) He was sweet enough to give someone a quarter to use the telescope out on the river.
He liked Star Wars!!
I'm such a fool!
I was consoling myself earlier with the thought that I'd never see him again, but that's cruel.
I need to go to the dance and find him. Sitting up here rotting over self-hatred isn't going to do me any good. I have to make amends for treating him the way I did!
11:27- I couldn't find Alex. Plus, I had a horrible time at the dance, per my prediction. It's probably my attitude. I expect to have a bad time, and it happens. Maybe someday I'll be able to go to a dance and actually enjoy it.
I'd have to be outrageously thin though, so I could "shake it" without flopping my fatrolls. Yuck! Michael says he'll teach me how to dance if I ever want to learn. I might take him up on that.
I was getting suicidal earlier. I hate that. Thought it stopped my sophomore year. But no, it started again this year. Great.
I think it's George coming. Perhaps my bad thoughts will go away. I'm already feeling better because I took 2 Midols.
Malinda (one of my 3 roomies) brought a guy back to the room. Just like I brought Alex back here yesterday. That's so sad.
I think I'll go try to find him again, & then mingle w/ my friends. He should be leaving tonight.
They're a lovely shade of blue-grey, speckled almost but gradual enough to be a fuzzy conglomeration of color.
When I came to this convention I didn't think I'd have much to write about. Turns out I have lots to say but no time to say it in!
Gotta go, but will return. -general assembly & dance time!
8:55- I'm back, & I'm not a happy camper. I was so excited before, but now I'm depressed. The thing w/Alex...I didn't get to run for president...I didn't win in Creative Writing. Barf! I must have next to no talent whatsoever. Occasionally I come off with a good line, but the rest of the time I must stink. (At least in timed writings!)
The reader doesn't know about the thing w/Alex, does he? He's a guy who kind of picked me up yesterday when I was depressed. I don't feel like going into the details at this position of the earth's rotation. Why? I'm just too depressed, bud.
So will I go to yonder dance? I haven't any idea. I was going to go & wear my green pants outfit, but now I'm not too sure.
Want to know why I hate pictures? I look ugly when I smile.
I really do. I have a fat face and when I smile, all the fat pouches up and hides my eyes. I would have decently-accentuated cheekbones if I wasn't so overweight.
And to think that this book was supposed to be a romantic tale of the life of a teenager. Tragedy sells, to be sure, but that's not the kind of autobiography I wanted to write. Well, that's life, and things never turn out exactly the way you expect them to. So I might go to that dance and actually have a good time. But most likely I'll just get more depressed, because I'm not a very outgoing person. Oh well--going to try on my pants outfit now. ---
9:13- I'm reverting back into the self-destructive hatred of Heather Aubrey of my sophomore year.
I hate myself! I was so rude to Alex, my writing sucks, Michael never really wanted to date me in the first place, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm stupid, and I cry over ignorant things. Like I'm crying now.
I'm such an awful person! No wonder poor Alex never tried to find me after last night.
My hideous ponch sticks out so far I look terrible in my beautiful pants outfit. My waist must be ten inches more around than it should be.
And I thought my creative writing piece was good. Just shows that I'm stuck up to boot.
I want to call Mom. I think I'll try. No reason for her not to be home, unless she's at work :(
Can't. These phones don't call long-distance.
My butt is so huge! And my flabby face dwarfs the only good thing about me (my eyes), so even they're not beautiful.
I'm not going to eat dinner tonight. I need to lose weight. I'm so ugly. Maybe if I lose 15 pounds I'll look good, but it will probably take more than that. (15 off would only put me at 135, and the average girl of my height should weigh 115. I'm lame, huh, weighing 150 now. That's 35 pounds I have to lose, and of course, I can't do it.
I'm so lazy, dumb, procrastinative, unmotivated, lethargic...I'd need a Thesaurus to cover all the facets of my horrible self.
It's awful being this way and a perfectionist too. Being down on myself makes me even more unattractive than I already am.
Alex was such a nice guy! I'm such an idiot! He was caring enough to offer a depressed girl a place with him at dinner. (That would be me.) He was sweet enough to give someone a quarter to use the telescope out on the river.
He liked Star Wars!!
I'm such a fool!
I was consoling myself earlier with the thought that I'd never see him again, but that's cruel.
I need to go to the dance and find him. Sitting up here rotting over self-hatred isn't going to do me any good. I have to make amends for treating him the way I did!
11:27- I couldn't find Alex. Plus, I had a horrible time at the dance, per my prediction. It's probably my attitude. I expect to have a bad time, and it happens. Maybe someday I'll be able to go to a dance and actually enjoy it.
I'd have to be outrageously thin though, so I could "shake it" without flopping my fatrolls. Yuck! Michael says he'll teach me how to dance if I ever want to learn. I might take him up on that.
I was getting suicidal earlier. I hate that. Thought it stopped my sophomore year. But no, it started again this year. Great.
I think it's George coming. Perhaps my bad thoughts will go away. I'm already feeling better because I took 2 Midols.
Malinda (one of my 3 roomies) brought a guy back to the room. Just like I brought Alex back here yesterday. That's so sad.
I think I'll go try to find him again, & then mingle w/ my friends. He should be leaving tonight.
March 30, 1987 (8 years old)
Lion-O is working for Panthro in the workshop. He is going to make a loft. Wily Kat's biking has improved. Today in CatSchool, I bought four animal erasers and ten eraser tops at the store. Cheetara is making marang for the lemon Maringe pie.
January 23, 1987 (8 years old)
It started out a bad morning. First I got in trouble for no reason. I had to go to bed.
December 10, 1987 (9 years old)
Today started out great! Guess what? I gave Lou a note (our bus driver) about how the kids on the bus teased us and she made them stop! We got to hear a band play and when we rode on the bus home, Misty was nice to us, and she talked nice with us!
P.S. I got to play with Beth & Amy, and drew with them! Today is great!
P.S. I got to play with Beth & Amy, and drew with them! Today is great!
January 9, 1992 (13 years old)
I am using all of these pages so I can catch up on the year. Right now I'm at Kitty's. We got her from the cancer place and took her back to her apartment. There, we watched MacGyver.
9:44 PM - Now I'm home. Earlier we went to Randall's, which is behind Little Caesar's across from Kitty's. We bought groceries for Kitty and then, when we got back, ordered a pizza. It was good, and while we ate we watched the very first Superman in the black-and-white series that eventually turned all color. It was neat.
Tomorrow is Dad's birthday. I am giving him an electric shaver with Mom & the boys that cost like 60 bucks. But he won't know that.
Well, now let me explain a bit about myself. I'm 13, but will turn 14 in May this year. I go to school at JCMS (Jessamine County Middle School) and am in 8th grade. I love my teachers. In fact, I always love my teachers.
I'm different from everyone else in that I'm smarter and weirder...or at least I show that I'm weird.
I like to write stories about the Ninja Turtles and Darkwing Duck. I also like to write essays and poems. I was entered in the Governor's Cup Competition the past two years. In 6th grade I won 2nd place in Distric and Regional competitions but nothing at State. Then in 7th grade I won 4th in District and nothing in Regional. This year I hope to do better.
Another talent I have is drawing. I have been doing this since I was a small child, so I suppose practice helped me get so good. Drawing projects seem fairly easy to me, yet I set my goals so high. And then I'm discouraged if I don't do well.
I suppose I am a creative person. At the end of each school year, some classes give awards to the students. If there's a creative award, I get it. Well, I can't help it although it drives me crazy that that's the main word people associate with me.
Today's Thursday. Yesterday at church people wrote nice things about a certain person on that person's card which was taped to their back. When I read mine, shockingly none of them had written "creative". There was "artistic" though, and someone even wrote "pretty". I wonder if that person had the right girl. I know I'm not pretty.
As for school, I am pretty well rounded in all subjects. I have Algebra 1, French, Social Studies, Shop, English (Advanced), Art, and Advanced Science, which is the hardest because no one in our class listens and then we fail the tests. But mostly I get A's. I got straight A's on my report card and midterms are coming out next Wednesday.
Maybe you'd like to know what I look like. I have long blond hair that reaches to my waist with bangs so long they're not bangs anymore. I have blue eyes, freckles, accented cheekbones, small eyes, and glasses. As for my body...I have a womanly frame but blubber covering it up.
Pet peeves- rudeness, Satan, people who make fun of classical music, etc.
I LOVE: pizza, the Turtles, Darkwing Duck, painting T-shirts, having parties, root beer, and playing the piano.
Oh. Did I neglect to mention that I am a pianist? Well I am. I've been playing for six years, '92 being the seventh. Come Nov. and I'll have reached 7.
I love to read too. My brothers, AJ, 12, and Ben, 10, aren't as interested in books as I am.
Je suis fatiguee (YAWN). It's 10:00. Actually 10:13. I'll need to get up early since there's school tomorrow.
Speaking of school, I need to tell who I hang with!
Surprisingly, the majority of my friends live in Wilmore, a tiny town near Nicholasville, where I live, which is a small town near Lexington. My friends live in Wilmore because their fathers are all going to Asbury College training to be ministers. When they're finished, the family will move away. This has already happened to me and will happen again.
First I'll tell you about Noelle Mitchell. She's my all-time BEST friend, but she lives in Maryland. Her dad's a minister, and she moved away.
We used to do so much stuff! We saw The Little Mermaid, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze, and The Rocketeer in the theater. Cool! But now she's gone. We call each other long-distance and write letters.
As for other friends, there are: Christy Bremer, who will be moving this year, Melodie Horst, moving, Kristanne Harden, not moving, "Teeny", not moving. Those are my basic friends, but there are lots more. I'm in Frnech with Teeny & Kristanne and we love to parler francais! Our teacher, Madame Fields, est formidable.
My mom is a wonderful person. She comes up with great party ideas. I had a sweatshirt painting party the 20th of Dec. and am planning on having a party where we'll make earrings. Cool!
Well, I'm tired and there's school tomorrow. It's 10:25, January 9, 1992. (Dix Vingtquatre, le neuf Janvier, mil neuf cent quatre-vingt douze.)
Well, gotta pray. Be back tomorrow. G'night.
9:44 PM - Now I'm home. Earlier we went to Randall's, which is behind Little Caesar's across from Kitty's. We bought groceries for Kitty and then, when we got back, ordered a pizza. It was good, and while we ate we watched the very first Superman in the black-and-white series that eventually turned all color. It was neat.
Tomorrow is Dad's birthday. I am giving him an electric shaver with Mom & the boys that cost like 60 bucks. But he won't know that.
Well, now let me explain a bit about myself. I'm 13, but will turn 14 in May this year. I go to school at JCMS (Jessamine County Middle School) and am in 8th grade. I love my teachers. In fact, I always love my teachers.
I'm different from everyone else in that I'm smarter and weirder...or at least I show that I'm weird.
I like to write stories about the Ninja Turtles and Darkwing Duck. I also like to write essays and poems. I was entered in the Governor's Cup Competition the past two years. In 6th grade I won 2nd place in Distric and Regional competitions but nothing at State. Then in 7th grade I won 4th in District and nothing in Regional. This year I hope to do better.
Another talent I have is drawing. I have been doing this since I was a small child, so I suppose practice helped me get so good. Drawing projects seem fairly easy to me, yet I set my goals so high. And then I'm discouraged if I don't do well.
I suppose I am a creative person. At the end of each school year, some classes give awards to the students. If there's a creative award, I get it. Well, I can't help it although it drives me crazy that that's the main word people associate with me.
Today's Thursday. Yesterday at church people wrote nice things about a certain person on that person's card which was taped to their back. When I read mine, shockingly none of them had written "creative". There was "artistic" though, and someone even wrote "pretty". I wonder if that person had the right girl. I know I'm not pretty.
As for school, I am pretty well rounded in all subjects. I have Algebra 1, French, Social Studies, Shop, English (Advanced), Art, and Advanced Science, which is the hardest because no one in our class listens and then we fail the tests. But mostly I get A's. I got straight A's on my report card and midterms are coming out next Wednesday.
Maybe you'd like to know what I look like. I have long blond hair that reaches to my waist with bangs so long they're not bangs anymore. I have blue eyes, freckles, accented cheekbones, small eyes, and glasses. As for my body...I have a womanly frame but blubber covering it up.
Pet peeves- rudeness, Satan, people who make fun of classical music, etc.
I LOVE: pizza, the Turtles, Darkwing Duck, painting T-shirts, having parties, root beer, and playing the piano.
Oh. Did I neglect to mention that I am a pianist? Well I am. I've been playing for six years, '92 being the seventh. Come Nov. and I'll have reached 7.
I love to read too. My brothers, AJ, 12, and Ben, 10, aren't as interested in books as I am.
Je suis fatiguee (YAWN). It's 10:00. Actually 10:13. I'll need to get up early since there's school tomorrow.
Speaking of school, I need to tell who I hang with!
Surprisingly, the majority of my friends live in Wilmore, a tiny town near Nicholasville, where I live, which is a small town near Lexington. My friends live in Wilmore because their fathers are all going to Asbury College training to be ministers. When they're finished, the family will move away. This has already happened to me and will happen again.
First I'll tell you about Noelle Mitchell. She's my all-time BEST friend, but she lives in Maryland. Her dad's a minister, and she moved away.
We used to do so much stuff! We saw The Little Mermaid, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Secret of the Ooze, and The Rocketeer in the theater. Cool! But now she's gone. We call each other long-distance and write letters.
As for other friends, there are: Christy Bremer, who will be moving this year, Melodie Horst, moving, Kristanne Harden, not moving, "Teeny", not moving. Those are my basic friends, but there are lots more. I'm in Frnech with Teeny & Kristanne and we love to parler francais! Our teacher, Madame Fields, est formidable.
My mom is a wonderful person. She comes up with great party ideas. I had a sweatshirt painting party the 20th of Dec. and am planning on having a party where we'll make earrings. Cool!
Well, I'm tired and there's school tomorrow. It's 10:25, January 9, 1992. (Dix Vingtquatre, le neuf Janvier, mil neuf cent quatre-vingt douze.)
Well, gotta pray. Be back tomorrow. G'night.
Heather
A.K.A.
Donatello
A.K.A.
Donatello
Saturday, June 26, 2004
Sometimes you just need your friends.
I didn't go back to work after lunch. I called in, essentially, and we're going to have a discussion about my problems with the job on Monday. I have until then to crystallize all the issues into a concise format.
Emotionally exhausted, I went to bed. I had plans with Mari and crew to bike ride, so I left her a message on BoB to call me when I should come over. She did call, twice, but I didn't hear the phone. Finally at 6:45, I woke up, checked my messages, and called her back. Due to the rain, they hadn't gone biking, and they hadn't had dinner yet either, so I was still welcome to go.
I got dressed and left the bedroom and discovered that Sean was in the office on his computer. "You're here," I said, and for a long time I just hugged him. I let him know I was leaving, and we said goodbye again, and then I left.
Mari, Kelly, Chris and I watched the last two episodes of El Hazard--pretty good stuff. We had this turkey cheese wrap thing and home fries...mmm. Then Chris had to leave. Mari and I ate some cake, and then we all watched the first episode of The Prisoner. It looks really neat, and I want to watch the rest of it.
After that we just sat around talking, about all kinds of stuff. Education, welfare, stupid people...;> I feel like everyone is complacent about the educational system...at least complacent enough not to try to enact big changes. The few people who are interested in that aren't able to get the support they need because of this. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't try to get my personal ideas about education out to more people, to try and drum up some interest. Our current educational system is too outdated for the modern world, and I don't think we can afford to stay this way for much longer. Of course, I don't know if my ideas are good enough, but at least they're something. We'll see.
Regardless, after spending time with my friends, I do feel much better. I'm sure the nap (and chocolate cake) helped too, but mostly I just like being with people who are interesting and who are interested in me, and doing things that we all like. It's really calming and refreshing.
I still don't know what I want to do about my job. On the one hand, it has been a great opportunity for me. I have at least some influence in decisions, and my ideas are appreciated. I've come up with a couple of different things that may be implemented later. This sort of thing makes me feel special and important...but I don't know if that outweighs the other stuff.
[An extended description of what I dislike appeared here earlier. I have removed it out of consideration for my employer. Ultimately, writing it out helped me to determine that there are two things I would like my boss to do.]
At this point, I'm thinking that if he can't do these things, I'll tender my resignation. But that's just how I feel right now. We'll see how I feel after the weekend.
Emotionally exhausted, I went to bed. I had plans with Mari and crew to bike ride, so I left her a message on BoB to call me when I should come over. She did call, twice, but I didn't hear the phone. Finally at 6:45, I woke up, checked my messages, and called her back. Due to the rain, they hadn't gone biking, and they hadn't had dinner yet either, so I was still welcome to go.
I got dressed and left the bedroom and discovered that Sean was in the office on his computer. "You're here," I said, and for a long time I just hugged him. I let him know I was leaving, and we said goodbye again, and then I left.
Mari, Kelly, Chris and I watched the last two episodes of El Hazard--pretty good stuff. We had this turkey cheese wrap thing and home fries...mmm. Then Chris had to leave. Mari and I ate some cake, and then we all watched the first episode of The Prisoner. It looks really neat, and I want to watch the rest of it.
After that we just sat around talking, about all kinds of stuff. Education, welfare, stupid people...;> I feel like everyone is complacent about the educational system...at least complacent enough not to try to enact big changes. The few people who are interested in that aren't able to get the support they need because of this. It makes me wonder if I shouldn't try to get my personal ideas about education out to more people, to try and drum up some interest. Our current educational system is too outdated for the modern world, and I don't think we can afford to stay this way for much longer. Of course, I don't know if my ideas are good enough, but at least they're something. We'll see.
Regardless, after spending time with my friends, I do feel much better. I'm sure the nap (and chocolate cake) helped too, but mostly I just like being with people who are interesting and who are interested in me, and doing things that we all like. It's really calming and refreshing.
I still don't know what I want to do about my job. On the one hand, it has been a great opportunity for me. I have at least some influence in decisions, and my ideas are appreciated. I've come up with a couple of different things that may be implemented later. This sort of thing makes me feel special and important...but I don't know if that outweighs the other stuff.
[An extended description of what I dislike appeared here earlier. I have removed it out of consideration for my employer. Ultimately, writing it out helped me to determine that there are two things I would like my boss to do.]
At this point, I'm thinking that if he can't do these things, I'll tender my resignation. But that's just how I feel right now. We'll see how I feel after the weekend.
Friday, June 25, 2004
I wish I loved my job
I used to love it, but now it's just all fucked up, and I hate it, and everything sucks, and I don't know what to do other than cry.
A defense of the war on terror
I started a thread on the Sushicam forums, mainly to react to a statement by CoolMoDee in the comments. I ended up writing quite a bit, and I'd like to archive it here. This is probably the first time I've expressed my feelings about the war in Iraq.
The quotes below are from CoolMoDee's comment, and the rest is me.
I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is. If I was in charge, I would be paralyzed by indecision. There are too many ways for people to be hurt.
I also wanted to respond to this:
Regardless of how we got into the mess in Iraq, we are fighting terrorists there now, people who want to force us to do their wishes and to eventually destroy us. I really can't see it in any other way. If we bow to their desires, we're giving them a foothold.
But you're right, I mean, what can we do? How can we stop it without letting them win? All I can think of is to continue to hunt them, but in the meantime more deaths will occur.
And what, then, do we tell the people who want to help? If we only let the military in and no civilians, isn't that a victory for terrorism too?
I don't know, sometimes I feel so far removed from the majority of the opinions I see online. I don't understand those opinions, but everyone seems to have them and to agree that they are perfectly logical. I guess we're all coming from a different place. Me, I'm terrified of losing my personal freedom to go to work and not worry about being killed on the way there. I'm worried about the US being unable to stop terrorism, and terrorism becoming more widespread, seen as a viable means of getting one's way. I'm worried about anarchy. And I can't help but see what's going on in Iraq as a very important milestone in the "war on terror"--the crossroads of whether or not we will remain a civilized world.
I guess I should explain "civilized"...because maybe people don't believe we are civilized, either. Basically what I mean by that is, there are established guidelines for how to act in a society, and these include how to wage war. Biological and nuclear weapons are frowned upon because of these ethics...and so is the slaying of innocent civilians, people who have not chosen to fight.
I'm not saying that the US, or any other nation for that matter, has not made mistakes and broken these rules. But I am saying that these rules exist, and that most people in nations who adhere to these rules would agree that they should be followed.
What we are seeing now is a gradual moving away from these rules, to a more "anything goes" sort of warfare--at least on the part of the terrorists. Civilians are now fair game. Biological and nuclear weapons would be used, if the terrorists could get their hands on any.
But people don't seem to be worried about this at all...that's what I can't understand. People seem to be ignoring the different gradations and the contrasts between different ways of waging war...they're caught, instead, in the infinite loop of "war is bad".
Well, yes. Obviously war is bad. But it's going to happen, so we need to start thinking about how war is waged, and how we want to wage it, and where we want the world to go. What we do now is going to set the tone for all wars in the future. If we try to take the high road by saying war is bad, if we just leave at this juncture, it's not going to make the terrorists stop. They're not going to say, "Ah, yes, you see, war is bad. We'll stop waging it too." They're going to keep doing what they think they need to do to get what they want.
Let me mention that I can understand where they're coming from, in a way. If you think of the world in terms of "West" versus "East", then the East, while actually bigger and more populous, is the "minority". Countries that have Westernized themselves, like Japan, have a better chance of getting their way, or at least of being able to live their lives the way they want to. The "Middle East" does not wish to Westernize itself in the same way Japan did. I imagine they feel coerced, pressured by the "ruling" culture. They want power and influence and the right to live their own lives, but they feel that their culture is contaminated from all the outside Western influences.
Some have dealt with that in whatever ways they can. But some have decided that the only way to deal with the problem is to completely destroy the "West", and that is what I can't understand. It's a hatred, an intolerance that goes far beyond muttered racial slurs.
This sounds like a "don't hate us because we're superior" argument, but I would also say "don't hate others because they're different". I have nothing against the religion of Islam, or people who want to practice it. My best friend from high school married a Muslim from Pakistan. My problem is with intolerance of any kind, towards anyone, and that includes any "privileged class".
If we back out, I fear that we will essentially be telling them that they can do whatever they want. They can ignore what hundreds of years of warfare have taught us: that civilized warfare is the only way to ensure any sort of peace and understanding afterwards. There is no way, ultimately, for them to do what they're doing and for others to never resent them for it. They will have to crush us if they continue to using these tactics, because diplomatically they have no leg to stand on.
We don't have a perfect system right now for waging war. Obviously, the perfect system would be one in which war never had to occur. We're nowhere near close to that. But we have made progress, and we have been learning. What's happening now in Iraq is a crucial point. Will we continue to learn and grow towards an enlightened future, or will we allow terror and anarchy to become the new world order?
Those are, essentially, my thoughts. Again, let me stress that I don't have a solution...I'm just sharing my concerns. I feel that a no-tolerance policy towards terrorism is better than letting them do as they wish; I can't think of a better solution, and if I could I would embrace it eagerly. There has been too much bloodshed on all sides. But I think it's important that we ensure that none of it was in vain.
The quotes below are from CoolMoDee's comment, and the rest is me.
If bush does lose the election(and right now, its not looking to good for him), I don't think it will send a message that they can continue doing that [the beheadings] and get their way. I think they will see the change in power/political party as the cause for it.Well, but who caused the change in power/political party? The voters. And why did they vote that way? A myriad number of reasons. I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that at least some terrorists will think that the voters have been terrorized into voting Bush out. This will then be an affirmation of their actions. Obviously they want Bush out too.
I honestly don't know what the right thing to do is. If I was in charge, I would be paralyzed by indecision. There are too many ways for people to be hurt.
I also wanted to respond to this:
As far as people getting beheaded, I know it sucks, really bad, and they shouldn't be doing that, but they (the contracters etc) knew the risk of going into an active war zone.I'm not sure people expected kidnappings and beheadings when they volunteered their time to help out in Iraq. I think they were expecting to be blown up or shot...something "civilized". Kidnappings and beheadings are not straightforward and they are very personal. They are completely opposite to what I think the average person expects out of a war. They are acts of terrorism.
Regardless of how we got into the mess in Iraq, we are fighting terrorists there now, people who want to force us to do their wishes and to eventually destroy us. I really can't see it in any other way. If we bow to their desires, we're giving them a foothold.
But you're right, I mean, what can we do? How can we stop it without letting them win? All I can think of is to continue to hunt them, but in the meantime more deaths will occur.
And what, then, do we tell the people who want to help? If we only let the military in and no civilians, isn't that a victory for terrorism too?
I don't know, sometimes I feel so far removed from the majority of the opinions I see online. I don't understand those opinions, but everyone seems to have them and to agree that they are perfectly logical. I guess we're all coming from a different place. Me, I'm terrified of losing my personal freedom to go to work and not worry about being killed on the way there. I'm worried about the US being unable to stop terrorism, and terrorism becoming more widespread, seen as a viable means of getting one's way. I'm worried about anarchy. And I can't help but see what's going on in Iraq as a very important milestone in the "war on terror"--the crossroads of whether or not we will remain a civilized world.
I guess I should explain "civilized"...because maybe people don't believe we are civilized, either. Basically what I mean by that is, there are established guidelines for how to act in a society, and these include how to wage war. Biological and nuclear weapons are frowned upon because of these ethics...and so is the slaying of innocent civilians, people who have not chosen to fight.
I'm not saying that the US, or any other nation for that matter, has not made mistakes and broken these rules. But I am saying that these rules exist, and that most people in nations who adhere to these rules would agree that they should be followed.
What we are seeing now is a gradual moving away from these rules, to a more "anything goes" sort of warfare--at least on the part of the terrorists. Civilians are now fair game. Biological and nuclear weapons would be used, if the terrorists could get their hands on any.
But people don't seem to be worried about this at all...that's what I can't understand. People seem to be ignoring the different gradations and the contrasts between different ways of waging war...they're caught, instead, in the infinite loop of "war is bad".
Well, yes. Obviously war is bad. But it's going to happen, so we need to start thinking about how war is waged, and how we want to wage it, and where we want the world to go. What we do now is going to set the tone for all wars in the future. If we try to take the high road by saying war is bad, if we just leave at this juncture, it's not going to make the terrorists stop. They're not going to say, "Ah, yes, you see, war is bad. We'll stop waging it too." They're going to keep doing what they think they need to do to get what they want.
Let me mention that I can understand where they're coming from, in a way. If you think of the world in terms of "West" versus "East", then the East, while actually bigger and more populous, is the "minority". Countries that have Westernized themselves, like Japan, have a better chance of getting their way, or at least of being able to live their lives the way they want to. The "Middle East" does not wish to Westernize itself in the same way Japan did. I imagine they feel coerced, pressured by the "ruling" culture. They want power and influence and the right to live their own lives, but they feel that their culture is contaminated from all the outside Western influences.
Some have dealt with that in whatever ways they can. But some have decided that the only way to deal with the problem is to completely destroy the "West", and that is what I can't understand. It's a hatred, an intolerance that goes far beyond muttered racial slurs.
This sounds like a "don't hate us because we're superior" argument, but I would also say "don't hate others because they're different". I have nothing against the religion of Islam, or people who want to practice it. My best friend from high school married a Muslim from Pakistan. My problem is with intolerance of any kind, towards anyone, and that includes any "privileged class".
If we back out, I fear that we will essentially be telling them that they can do whatever they want. They can ignore what hundreds of years of warfare have taught us: that civilized warfare is the only way to ensure any sort of peace and understanding afterwards. There is no way, ultimately, for them to do what they're doing and for others to never resent them for it. They will have to crush us if they continue to using these tactics, because diplomatically they have no leg to stand on.
We don't have a perfect system right now for waging war. Obviously, the perfect system would be one in which war never had to occur. We're nowhere near close to that. But we have made progress, and we have been learning. What's happening now in Iraq is a crucial point. Will we continue to learn and grow towards an enlightened future, or will we allow terror and anarchy to become the new world order?
Those are, essentially, my thoughts. Again, let me stress that I don't have a solution...I'm just sharing my concerns. I feel that a no-tolerance policy towards terrorism is better than letting them do as they wish; I can't think of a better solution, and if I could I would embrace it eagerly. There has been too much bloodshed on all sides. But I think it's important that we ensure that none of it was in vain.
DAY TWELVE
I couldn't manage to force myself out of bed at 5 this morning, and it was only with the strength of will of something with very great strength of will :> that I forced myself to stay up after shutting off the alarm at 6. So, no morning workout today. Hopefully we will bike or do something else tonight.
Sean's leaving for his LAN party straight from work, so we said goodbye last night.
Sean's leaving for his LAN party straight from work, so we said goodbye last night.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
I am up way too late.
I'm glad tomorrow's Friday. I'm looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday morning. Sean will be gone all weekend at a LAN party, so I can pretty much do whatever I want. So far my plans include sleep, sleep, and sleep.
I went biking with Mari, Kelly, and Chris tonight. For about the first half of the trail (a quarter of our total distance), I felt terrible. My legs were burning, and not in a good way, but in a "they're about to fall off" way. Finally I got Kelly to raise the seat for me...and things were infinitely better. I was still tired, but that's understandable. As Mari pointed out, this is my first time doing the full track twice in one week.
Towards the end of the ride, it started drizzling. We hurried to get back, and to my amazement I was able to ride up the hill quickly and with less effort than normal. I'd been expecting to have to get off and walk, after that long ride.
We went to Monterrey for dinner, then went by Mari and Kelly's new house (it's almost finished!) and then went back to their apartment and watched several episodes of El Hazard. The weirdness was a bit much for Chris. I think it's all right, though I'd really like to see it subbed instead of dubbed. I guess I'm one of those "purists" or something...I feel like I understand an anime on a deeper level when I hear it in Japanese.
Speaking of which...the end of Sailor Moon 35, where Usagi realizes that Minako is Sailor Venus, was very striking to me the other day. So much so that when I was pulling out of my apartment complex later, and traffic wouldn't let me go for awhile, I cried out "Uso!" instead of my usual curse. :>
Anyway, I do love Jinnai's dubbed laughter...it's pretty damn funny. He's probably my favorite character, to be honest. The rest are kind of bland, even the evil bishounen child molester and the horny lesbian.
Planning on going biking with the same crew tomorrow. Yes, I am insane. O_o Maybe I can convince them all to come swimming afterwards.
Okay, it's like, totally time for bed.
I went biking with Mari, Kelly, and Chris tonight. For about the first half of the trail (a quarter of our total distance), I felt terrible. My legs were burning, and not in a good way, but in a "they're about to fall off" way. Finally I got Kelly to raise the seat for me...and things were infinitely better. I was still tired, but that's understandable. As Mari pointed out, this is my first time doing the full track twice in one week.
Towards the end of the ride, it started drizzling. We hurried to get back, and to my amazement I was able to ride up the hill quickly and with less effort than normal. I'd been expecting to have to get off and walk, after that long ride.
We went to Monterrey for dinner, then went by Mari and Kelly's new house (it's almost finished!) and then went back to their apartment and watched several episodes of El Hazard. The weirdness was a bit much for Chris. I think it's all right, though I'd really like to see it subbed instead of dubbed. I guess I'm one of those "purists" or something...I feel like I understand an anime on a deeper level when I hear it in Japanese.
Speaking of which...the end of Sailor Moon 35, where Usagi realizes that Minako is Sailor Venus, was very striking to me the other day. So much so that when I was pulling out of my apartment complex later, and traffic wouldn't let me go for awhile, I cried out "Uso!" instead of my usual curse. :>
Anyway, I do love Jinnai's dubbed laughter...it's pretty damn funny. He's probably my favorite character, to be honest. The rest are kind of bland, even the evil bishounen child molester and the horny lesbian.
Planning on going biking with the same crew tomorrow. Yes, I am insane. O_o Maybe I can convince them all to come swimming afterwards.
Okay, it's like, totally time for bed.
The mysterious pants
When I bought these jeans at Wal-Mart--about a week ago--I thought I was getting the same size as my other pants of the same brand/style, which fit me perfectly the last time I wore them. However, when I got home I discovered that they were two sizes smaller (you know how they always count in twos in the upper women's sizes...one of those gradations). I tentatively put them on, just to see...and not only did they fit, but they were loose!
Now, I can pull them out about four inches from my waist. I haven't washed them yet, so I'm expecting some shrinkage. If I lose weight and they don't shrink much, they may become unwearable :>
Now, I can pull them out about four inches from my waist. I haven't washed them yet, so I'm expecting some shrinkage. If I lose weight and they don't shrink much, they may become unwearable :>
DAY ELEVEN
One lap around the complex, no handweights. My muscles were all feeling pretty tight, so I spent extra time on stretching everything. Five minutes on the stairclimber, and then my usual crunches and leg lifts routine. I went up to 15 weak-ass quads-on-the-floor pushups...I am determined to be able to do a proper pushup someday. (At least this time I didn't have my stomach on the floor.)
Now I'm drinking a French Vanilla Slim Fast, and I'm about to watch Sailor Moon 36 :)
Now I'm drinking a French Vanilla Slim Fast, and I'm about to watch Sailor Moon 36 :)
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Tennis was a go!
Paul and I managed maybe half an hour of tennis in the sweltering (and I do mean sweltering) heat. The sweat was literally pouring. It was good, though.
We went swimming afterwards, until Sean came home. Then we all ordered Wife Saver and had it delivered (yay 2go-Box!) and watched Aishiteruze Baby 11. Poor Kokoro-chan...:( Just because she's a "big girl" doesn't mean she doesn't get lonely. Kippei needs to get a clue and tell Yuzu that she has to share.
I smell distinctly of chlorine.
Downloading Sailor Moon 36 right now. Can't wait! but will have to anyway.
We went swimming afterwards, until Sean came home. Then we all ordered Wife Saver and had it delivered (yay 2go-Box!) and watched Aishiteruze Baby 11. Poor Kokoro-chan...:( Just because she's a "big girl" doesn't mean she doesn't get lonely. Kippei needs to get a clue and tell Yuzu that she has to share.
I smell distinctly of chlorine.
Downloading Sailor Moon 36 right now. Can't wait! but will have to anyway.
Home for lunch!
I'm going to watch Sailor Moon 35 again. It's that awesome. Somebody over on genvid claimed that BSSM won't be rewatchable, and up until this episode I mostly agreed...but I know now that I can at least watch this one over and over ;D
On Time Magazine's "Notebook: Milestones" page, it says "10 million: Number of cancer survivors in the U.S. 3 million: Number of cancer survivors in 1971"
Go us!
Looks like we're expecting scattered thunderstorms again (last night we had a horrid one roll in right as Kelly, Mari, Chris, Sean and I were finishing dinner at Ruby Tuesday's). So maybe no tennis? We'll hope for the best.
On Time Magazine's "Notebook: Milestones" page, it says "10 million: Number of cancer survivors in the U.S. 3 million: Number of cancer survivors in 1971"
Go us!
Looks like we're expecting scattered thunderstorms again (last night we had a horrid one roll in right as Kelly, Mari, Chris, Sean and I were finishing dinner at Ruby Tuesday's). So maybe no tennis? We'll hope for the best.
HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!
If that wasn't the kickassenest episode EVER, I'm a plucked duck!!!!!!!!!
O_O!!!!!!!!!
O_O!!!!!!!!!
DAY TEN
One lap around the complex with handweights, five minutes on the stairclimber, ab, back, and leg workout, five on each side of every kung fu kick I could think of, two minutes to cool down on the treadmill.
I had more time this morning, but I didn't feel like using it. I wanted to come back and watch BSSM 35. Which I am going to do now :)
Tennis with Paul today, assuming it doesn't rain like it did Monday.
Biking last night was fine. Did the usual 8 miles, although this time I had to actually stop and get off a few times. I did force myself to make it up the hills at the end, though. I need to 1) get my own bike and 2) bike more frequently.
Also discovered that the Greeneway is the first Rails to Trails project in South Carolina. I'd heard of the program back in Kentucky, but I don't think there's one in Lexington. (Yet?) At any rate, it's really cool to live so close to one. Since it used to be a train track, we've got underpasses and a neat green metal bridge. :)
I had more time this morning, but I didn't feel like using it. I wanted to come back and watch BSSM 35. Which I am going to do now :)
Tennis with Paul today, assuming it doesn't rain like it did Monday.
Biking last night was fine. Did the usual 8 miles, although this time I had to actually stop and get off a few times. I did force myself to make it up the hills at the end, though. I need to 1) get my own bike and 2) bike more frequently.
Also discovered that the Greeneway is the first Rails to Trails project in South Carolina. I'd heard of the program back in Kentucky, but I don't think there's one in Lexington. (Yet?) At any rate, it's really cool to live so close to one. Since it used to be a train track, we've got underpasses and a neat green metal bridge. :)
At least I'm up on time today
Had a weird dream, where I was replaying the same live action game thing in what seemed to be a hotel and casino. There was a woman there who was my contact, and every time I went into the thing I looked for her, and she always helped me out. I remember her striking some sort of superfluous charge from my account at one point. There was also an ostentatious man there, something like a news anchor or announcer, who liked to pretend he was in charge.
Then Mom and I were in a bathtub together, and both of us were having our periods, and it was like a deluge of blood turning the water red.
Then Mom and I were in a bathtub together, and both of us were having our periods, and it was like a deluge of blood turning the water red.
Tuesday, June 22, 2004
DAY NINE
Hit the snooze alarm again today, only getting up when Cher wailed, "You're not listening to what I say" and Sean made a noise of ultimate suffering.
Messed with my computer before I went out, which I shouldn't have done. It wasn't seeing the keyboard, and I wanted to fix it so I could log in and start up some torrents. I finally just unplugged the keyboard and plugged it back in, which worked fine. Then I started up my torrents, only to find that one of them, for Kyou Kara Maou 8, couldn't connect to the tracker. I went to redownload the torrent, but then I discovered that GotWoot was down! I don't know if they got hacked or if there was some kind of hosting problem or what, but I hope they come back up soon.
Sailor Moon 35 and Aishiteruze Baby 11 were going along fine, though, so I finally tore myself away and went to the workout room.
There was a really thin girl in there when I arrived, the first time that someone else was there during my workout. She was on one of the treadmills, and I took the other one.
8 minutes on the treadmill, speeding up towards the middle for a 2 minute jog at 4 to 6 minutes, and then I did my crunches routine, then 5 minutes on the stairclimber, then my leg lifts routine. And that was it for me; the girl was still on the treadmill when I left. She'd been speeding up for most of the time I was there, but towards the end she'd started slowing down again. She seemed pretty nice. I guess I won't mind if she shows up again :)
Having a banana cream Slim Fast for breakfast. I'm out of milk to make the stuff with the mix, which is what I usually do in the morning. Need to get that at some point. I may wait until Friday and let it be a regular grocery shopping day.
I wasn't able to play tennis yesterday due to rain. Hoping today will be better, for biking, but you never know. :P I guess I should join the activity center up there in North Augusta so I can do stuff indoors up there...assuming there is stuff to do inside that's comparable. I dunno.
I started watching Hikaru no Go again yesterday, and got through episode 10 or so. Touya is so kawaii...
This weekend, Sean and Adam and I watched the first 10 or so episodes of Prince of Tennis. Looking forward to continuing the marathon...I love that series :D (It's interesting how Kikumaru's voice actor changed the way he spoke to be more cute and catlike as the series progressed...he sounded pretty bland at the beginning. And if I haven't mentioned it before, he's also Artemis ;>)
Sailor Moon 35 and Aishiteruze Baby 11 just finished d/ling...too bad I don't have time to watch! ;P
Messed with my computer before I went out, which I shouldn't have done. It wasn't seeing the keyboard, and I wanted to fix it so I could log in and start up some torrents. I finally just unplugged the keyboard and plugged it back in, which worked fine. Then I started up my torrents, only to find that one of them, for Kyou Kara Maou 8, couldn't connect to the tracker. I went to redownload the torrent, but then I discovered that GotWoot was down! I don't know if they got hacked or if there was some kind of hosting problem or what, but I hope they come back up soon.
Sailor Moon 35 and Aishiteruze Baby 11 were going along fine, though, so I finally tore myself away and went to the workout room.
There was a really thin girl in there when I arrived, the first time that someone else was there during my workout. She was on one of the treadmills, and I took the other one.
8 minutes on the treadmill, speeding up towards the middle for a 2 minute jog at 4 to 6 minutes, and then I did my crunches routine, then 5 minutes on the stairclimber, then my leg lifts routine. And that was it for me; the girl was still on the treadmill when I left. She'd been speeding up for most of the time I was there, but towards the end she'd started slowing down again. She seemed pretty nice. I guess I won't mind if she shows up again :)
Having a banana cream Slim Fast for breakfast. I'm out of milk to make the stuff with the mix, which is what I usually do in the morning. Need to get that at some point. I may wait until Friday and let it be a regular grocery shopping day.
I wasn't able to play tennis yesterday due to rain. Hoping today will be better, for biking, but you never know. :P I guess I should join the activity center up there in North Augusta so I can do stuff indoors up there...assuming there is stuff to do inside that's comparable. I dunno.
I started watching Hikaru no Go again yesterday, and got through episode 10 or so. Touya is so kawaii...
This weekend, Sean and Adam and I watched the first 10 or so episodes of Prince of Tennis. Looking forward to continuing the marathon...I love that series :D (It's interesting how Kikumaru's voice actor changed the way he spoke to be more cute and catlike as the series progressed...he sounded pretty bland at the beginning. And if I haven't mentioned it before, he's also Artemis ;>)
Sailor Moon 35 and Aishiteruze Baby 11 just finished d/ling...too bad I don't have time to watch! ;P
Monday, June 21, 2004
Weekends have to count
Robert reminded me that "food as a reward" is a bad idea. I knew that already, but it was good to get the reminder. So today is DAY EIGHT.
Having my delicious Slim Fast right now :) Tennis with Paul is on for 4:30. Tomorrow will be biking with the usual crew, then tennis on Wednesday, then biking on Thursday. I don't think I have anything planned for Friday, but I hope to at least make sure I don't skip my morning workout again.
I'm thinking about buying some roller skates and skating around the complex when I have free time, too. I don't know if I want to get roller blades or not. I'm not bad on them, though they are tiring, but they kind of hurt my feet. I'm not sure if that would go away or not. It's the same thing I experience on ice skates, but I've never ice skated frequently enough over a long enough period of time to be able to tell if it would stop hurting.
Mari wrote recently in her blog that it's important to look in the mirror every day and evaluate yourself so you don't become complacent. That's an interesting idea. To do that effectively, I would need to get a full-length mirror. I typically look okay from the waist up; it's seeing the effect of my waistline on the look of my legs that gets me. (In other words, I'm fairly proportional, so you can't really tell how overweight I am without getting the full effect of my thigh to ankle ratio. Let's not even go into the stomach ;P)
I've wanted a full-length mirror for awhile, but I've actually never owned one. I wonder what my reaction would be.
Yesterday was Father's Day. We were going to have Cheryl and Reid over for dinner, but I ended up flipping out, so we canceled it. At first I thought I was legitimately angry, but it turned out that I was overstressing myself. I'd put off starting the dinner until after I finished Harry Potter, and that left me with about 45 minutes to decide and start cooking. I'd already felt like I wanted to cancel the day, but I felt guilty too because it was Father's Day and I wanted Reid to feel special and important. So I essentially freaked myself out, and it was only after a long time of crying in Sean's arms that I came out of it.
He says I have these mood swings every few weeks. It's kind of annoying, because I like being in control of stuff, and going overemotional shows a distinct lack of control.
Still haven't had my period. From my journal it looks like the other one started on Sunday, May 16 and ended about a week later (I don't know if I noted exactly when it ended anywhere, but obviously it ended before May 26, because that's when I had the GYN visit). So I guess it isn't all that late, if a standard cycle takes 28 days. 28 days ago was May 24, so that's like a week. I was never "regular", so I guess I can expect it sometime soon. In that case, maybe my horrendous mood was PMS.
Having my delicious Slim Fast right now :) Tennis with Paul is on for 4:30. Tomorrow will be biking with the usual crew, then tennis on Wednesday, then biking on Thursday. I don't think I have anything planned for Friday, but I hope to at least make sure I don't skip my morning workout again.
I'm thinking about buying some roller skates and skating around the complex when I have free time, too. I don't know if I want to get roller blades or not. I'm not bad on them, though they are tiring, but they kind of hurt my feet. I'm not sure if that would go away or not. It's the same thing I experience on ice skates, but I've never ice skated frequently enough over a long enough period of time to be able to tell if it would stop hurting.
Mari wrote recently in her blog that it's important to look in the mirror every day and evaluate yourself so you don't become complacent. That's an interesting idea. To do that effectively, I would need to get a full-length mirror. I typically look okay from the waist up; it's seeing the effect of my waistline on the look of my legs that gets me. (In other words, I'm fairly proportional, so you can't really tell how overweight I am without getting the full effect of my thigh to ankle ratio. Let's not even go into the stomach ;P)
I've wanted a full-length mirror for awhile, but I've actually never owned one. I wonder what my reaction would be.
Yesterday was Father's Day. We were going to have Cheryl and Reid over for dinner, but I ended up flipping out, so we canceled it. At first I thought I was legitimately angry, but it turned out that I was overstressing myself. I'd put off starting the dinner until after I finished Harry Potter, and that left me with about 45 minutes to decide and start cooking. I'd already felt like I wanted to cancel the day, but I felt guilty too because it was Father's Day and I wanted Reid to feel special and important. So I essentially freaked myself out, and it was only after a long time of crying in Sean's arms that I came out of it.
He says I have these mood swings every few weeks. It's kind of annoying, because I like being in control of stuff, and going overemotional shows a distinct lack of control.
Still haven't had my period. From my journal it looks like the other one started on Sunday, May 16 and ended about a week later (I don't know if I noted exactly when it ended anywhere, but obviously it ended before May 26, because that's when I had the GYN visit). So I guess it isn't all that late, if a standard cycle takes 28 days. 28 days ago was May 24, so that's like a week. I was never "regular", so I guess I can expect it sometime soon. In that case, maybe my horrendous mood was PMS.
DAY, uh, SIX (eight?)
If weekends don't count, then should I count them? I'm not sure.
One lap around the complex with handweights, though I didn't do many curls or whatever. Eight and a half minutes on the stairmaster. 20 crunches, 20 knees-to-elbows, 20 oblique crunches (each side), 20 side lifts (each side). 40 back lifts. 70 each side various leg lifts. 10 wussy half pushups (with my stomach on the ground, yet my arms still shook like nobody's business). A few kung fu kicks.
I was late getting up today (hit the snooze alarm without realizing it until 5:15) so I only stayed out for half an hour.
Tennis this afternoon with Paul, or at least that's the plan. Hoping to last for an hour, then maybe swim. We'll see.
Off to work.
One lap around the complex with handweights, though I didn't do many curls or whatever. Eight and a half minutes on the stairmaster. 20 crunches, 20 knees-to-elbows, 20 oblique crunches (each side), 20 side lifts (each side). 40 back lifts. 70 each side various leg lifts. 10 wussy half pushups (with my stomach on the ground, yet my arms still shook like nobody's business). A few kung fu kicks.
I was late getting up today (hit the snooze alarm without realizing it until 5:15) so I only stayed out for half an hour.
Tennis this afternoon with Paul, or at least that's the plan. Hoping to last for an hour, then maybe swim. We'll see.
Off to work.
Sunday, June 20, 2004
By the way, I finished Order of the Phoenix
So we can talk about it now, Hai. ;>
I guess we won't find out about the O.W.L.s until the next book, but Umbridge (her name sound like "umbrage"!) did smirk quite a bit when Harry made his patronus, so I think my worry has some merit...maybe...
Oh, and by the way,
SIRIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O_O
We're running out of horrible things to happen to Harry...you know, without completely destroying the world he lives in. A comforting thought ^^;;
(I am wondering if Neville is the one in the prophecy, though...I mean, he could have been "marked" by Voldemort's attack on his parents...see...Voldemort was so afraid of Neville that he stunted his magical growth by destroying his parents! And now he obsesses over Harry so that no one will be the wiser! You see, it all fits! *cackles maniacally*)
I guess we won't find out about the O.W.L.s until the next book, but Umbridge (her name sound like "umbrage"!) did smirk quite a bit when Harry made his patronus, so I think my worry has some merit...maybe...
Oh, and by the way,
SIRIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O_O
We're running out of horrible things to happen to Harry...you know, without completely destroying the world he lives in. A comforting thought ^^;;
(I am wondering if Neville is the one in the prophecy, though...I mean, he could have been "marked" by Voldemort's attack on his parents...see...Voldemort was so afraid of Neville that he stunted his magical growth by destroying his parents! And now he obsesses over Harry so that no one will be the wiser! You see, it all fits! *cackles maniacally*)
Sometimes I hate being a woman
Getting horribly, violently upset and not being able to explain why...except maybe to a girlfriend, if one's available, but that doesn't even help because they're not the one you're upset with...and meanwhile you know that he's frustrated and infuriated with you for not just spitting it out, but every time you try you can't seem to say it right because he doesn't understand...
Saturday, June 19, 2004
Weekends don't count.
I'm not working out today.
We didn't bike-ride yesterday because of the horrible thunderstorm. That was fine with me, though, because I felt like crap. I stayed at home all night, reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix until Sean came to bed at 1:20 am. I had finished about 3/5 of the book.
I ate that double quarter pounder for dinner yesterday, and then I made brownies and ate quite a few of them. After that I felt nauseated, to the point that I really, really wanted to throw up, so I sat next to the toilet and tried to do it, but nothing came out. I think the food was too far digested by that point...either that or my body has forgotten how to throw up. I haven't done it in many years.
Anyway, I'm not sure why I was nauseated, because I didn't think that was all that much food, but maybe my body had gotten used to smaller portions over the course of this week.
I keep thinking "What if I'm pregnant?!?!?!?", but I always think ridiculous stuff like that. Usually I don't post it because I don't like looking ridiculous, but today's different and I don't know why.
I am still waiting on my next period, though. It seems like it should be about time for it. Assuming I'm going to have another one, anyway.
The Harry Potter book is great...towards the beginning, when Harry's mood was constantly sour and he kept blowing up at people and doing/saying vindictive things, I was really taken aback. I've never pretended that Harry was the good, sweet, charming, can-do-no-wrong pristine example for children...but I am simply floored by how brutally honest the portrayal is. He's 15 in this book, and it's obvious. Even when I can see that Harry is overreacting and not looking at the whole picture, I know without a doubt that he is acting exactly the way he should.
And so, really, are all of them...Cho Chang, whose inexplicable (at least to Harry) behavior is so accurately diagnosed by Hermione; Sirius, who is a little wild from being cooped up; Ron, who's finally in the limelight and not sure how to take the pressure...it's just excellent, all of it. This is some of the best characterization I've ever seen. It's been this way in all of the books, but now things are more complicated, and we see that they are complicated not just to be complicated, but complicated due to the characters' own growth and change.
The deception and underground movements in this book really inspire my inner conspiracy theorist, too...I've been thinking about how Harry and the D.A. are doing so well in practicing Defense Against the Dark Arts, and it occurred to me that they might not get their O.W.L.s in that subject anyway--for knowing too much. After all, if the Ministry of Magic can interfere so deeply in the daily activities of the school, who's to say they won't stick their nasty fingers into the administration of the O.W.L.s? (It occurred to me that the Ministry might have always been in charge of the O.W.L.s, but if they were, surely Hermione would have thought of this already. Then again, maybe she did, and didn't think it would matter...)
Anyway, the reason I haven't just finished the book to find out what happens is that I had to sleep, and then when I got up this morning I went on a little cleaning spree. The kitchen was a bit messy, and I needed to start some laundry. But now that everything seems to be right with the apartment, I'm going to dive back into the book. So off I go :)
(If anyone's concerned about how my diet will fare over the weekend, don't worry. I don't plan on ruining everything. I haven't even eaten yet, even though I woke up with really bizarre stomach-growling. I'm going to try to eat real food, drinking Slim-Fasts for meals when I can stand it, but not snacking. If I have food for two meals instead of one, or even three meals instead of one, I can live with that, but I don't want to shoot myself in the foot by pigging out on sweets or something.)
We didn't bike-ride yesterday because of the horrible thunderstorm. That was fine with me, though, because I felt like crap. I stayed at home all night, reading Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix until Sean came to bed at 1:20 am. I had finished about 3/5 of the book.
I ate that double quarter pounder for dinner yesterday, and then I made brownies and ate quite a few of them. After that I felt nauseated, to the point that I really, really wanted to throw up, so I sat next to the toilet and tried to do it, but nothing came out. I think the food was too far digested by that point...either that or my body has forgotten how to throw up. I haven't done it in many years.
Anyway, I'm not sure why I was nauseated, because I didn't think that was all that much food, but maybe my body had gotten used to smaller portions over the course of this week.
I keep thinking "What if I'm pregnant?!?!?!?", but I always think ridiculous stuff like that. Usually I don't post it because I don't like looking ridiculous, but today's different and I don't know why.
I am still waiting on my next period, though. It seems like it should be about time for it. Assuming I'm going to have another one, anyway.
The Harry Potter book is great...towards the beginning, when Harry's mood was constantly sour and he kept blowing up at people and doing/saying vindictive things, I was really taken aback. I've never pretended that Harry was the good, sweet, charming, can-do-no-wrong pristine example for children...but I am simply floored by how brutally honest the portrayal is. He's 15 in this book, and it's obvious. Even when I can see that Harry is overreacting and not looking at the whole picture, I know without a doubt that he is acting exactly the way he should.
And so, really, are all of them...Cho Chang, whose inexplicable (at least to Harry) behavior is so accurately diagnosed by Hermione; Sirius, who is a little wild from being cooped up; Ron, who's finally in the limelight and not sure how to take the pressure...it's just excellent, all of it. This is some of the best characterization I've ever seen. It's been this way in all of the books, but now things are more complicated, and we see that they are complicated not just to be complicated, but complicated due to the characters' own growth and change.
The deception and underground movements in this book really inspire my inner conspiracy theorist, too...I've been thinking about how Harry and the D.A. are doing so well in practicing Defense Against the Dark Arts, and it occurred to me that they might not get their O.W.L.s in that subject anyway--for knowing too much. After all, if the Ministry of Magic can interfere so deeply in the daily activities of the school, who's to say they won't stick their nasty fingers into the administration of the O.W.L.s? (It occurred to me that the Ministry might have always been in charge of the O.W.L.s, but if they were, surely Hermione would have thought of this already. Then again, maybe she did, and didn't think it would matter...)
Anyway, the reason I haven't just finished the book to find out what happens is that I had to sleep, and then when I got up this morning I went on a little cleaning spree. The kitchen was a bit messy, and I needed to start some laundry. But now that everything seems to be right with the apartment, I'm going to dive back into the book. So off I go :)
(If anyone's concerned about how my diet will fare over the weekend, don't worry. I don't plan on ruining everything. I haven't even eaten yet, even though I woke up with really bizarre stomach-growling. I'm going to try to eat real food, drinking Slim-Fasts for meals when I can stand it, but not snacking. If I have food for two meals instead of one, or even three meals instead of one, I can live with that, but I don't want to shoot myself in the foot by pigging out on sweets or something.)
Friday, June 18, 2004
Came home early
Since 2go-Box can't afford "unproductive employees", and since I was in a horrible mood, I came home. On the way I bought a double quarter pounder from McDonald's.
Yeah, today rules. Totally.
:P
Yeah, today rules. Totally.
:P
I had a Harry Potter dream last night.
Apparently this means I get to join the club. But my dream was pretty lame. It was just me reading the books, where someone had worked out all the secret codes. All of them pointed to Harry Potter's death. There was a big advertisement along the side of one page with a purple-clothed fortune telling lady; she had tons of blue eyeshadow on, hoop earrings, a long, crooked nose, and a calm, thoughtful expression. The main text of the ad said "LIES! ALL LIES! Harry Potter will not die! For a true prediction, decipher my code."
(Side note: Whoever says you can't read in dreams is some kind of freak. I've always been able to read in dreams.)
Someone had come along and deciphered the code. It came out to a bunch of "lucky" numbers, that I guess the person didn't bother to decode, because along with them came this text: "The truth is 9, 7,..." (the numbers fell here) "...this prediction cannot be completed due to insufficient funds. Please remit the following charges." (That wasn't exactly what it said; I don't actually remember, but that was the gist.)
So all the big predictions and secret messages spell doom for Harry Potter, but if you want the one, shining beacon of hope that he will in fact survive, you have to pay the fortune teller.
Why couldn't I have had a magic class dream, like Mari, or a Quidditch dream, like Chris? ;>
(Side note: Whoever says you can't read in dreams is some kind of freak. I've always been able to read in dreams.)
Someone had come along and deciphered the code. It came out to a bunch of "lucky" numbers, that I guess the person didn't bother to decode, because along with them came this text: "The truth is 9, 7,..." (the numbers fell here) "...this prediction cannot be completed due to insufficient funds. Please remit the following charges." (That wasn't exactly what it said; I don't actually remember, but that was the gist.)
So all the big predictions and secret messages spell doom for Harry Potter, but if you want the one, shining beacon of hope that he will in fact survive, you have to pay the fortune teller.
Why couldn't I have had a magic class dream, like Mari, or a Quidditch dream, like Chris? ;>
Dang, you know what would be good right now?
Some fried chicken...with green beans and mashed potatoes and gravy...and a biscuit...and maybe some fried livers, yum...
DAY FIVE(ish)
Didn't do my workout this morning, but I am still on my Slim Fast diet, so I guess it's okay. Tonight will be the big biking day, so I'm not too worried.
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Made a chicken, mashed potato, and biscuit casserole...
...out of a box. ;> But I steamed the broccoli and carrots all by myself!
Chris ate dinner with Sean and me, and then Chris and I headed to Mari's to bike ride. Of course, this was difficult because we didn't have enough bikes to go around. We all switched off, trying Mari's new roller blades, but they are hard to ride, and very tiring. Plus, it was really hot and humid. The sweat was literally rolling off us.
Finally we gave up and went to Wal-Mart to look at bikes for Chris. After awhile of searching, we gave up on that too, and went back to my apartments for a swim and a dip in the hot tub.
Tomorrow we're planning on actual biking, and more swimming/hot tub, and dinner :)
Chris ate dinner with Sean and me, and then Chris and I headed to Mari's to bike ride. Of course, this was difficult because we didn't have enough bikes to go around. We all switched off, trying Mari's new roller blades, but they are hard to ride, and very tiring. Plus, it was really hot and humid. The sweat was literally rolling off us.
Finally we gave up and went to Wal-Mart to look at bikes for Chris. After awhile of searching, we gave up on that too, and went back to my apartments for a swim and a dip in the hot tub.
Tomorrow we're planning on actual biking, and more swimming/hot tub, and dinner :)
Uh, well, hmm.
I've been trying to get out of the office since 3:40, but people keep calling. Now I'm concerned about the status of two orders, so I'm not sure if I want to leave yet. Fun.
LOL, I just called the driver to ask what his status was, and he said "I'm in the process of delivering the first one, and when I'm done I'll go back and get the second one." So I guess everything's fine.
I'm totally going home now ;>
LOL, I just called the driver to ask what his status was, and he said "I'm in the process of delivering the first one, and when I'm done I'll go back and get the second one." So I guess everything's fine.
I'm totally going home now ;>
The end of the work day is nigh...
This one is one of those one piecesThat has to be one of my most ill-conceived phrases ever. ;> You can tell that I didn't edit that post. I was in a hurry to get it up and browse away from my homepage because I heard Robert's car door ;>
I have so many packages to ship today. It's insane. I'm not going to make people wait behind me in the drop-off lane...I'll just cart them all inside. I'm shipping 10 Progen test kits and four 2go-Box T-shirts, plus about fifty bazillion 2go-Box New Member Kits. (I guess everyone really wants that $500 in food.)
My contact lenses are drying out on me, but I haven't really had a bad sinus headache or haziness/pressure. That's good. I did forget something today, though...
...deodorant!
I swear, I'm going to forget something every day.
(Don't worry; I was able to dash off to Publix and buy some. I'm going to keep it in my desk just in case.)
Oh! A McDonald's has appeared out of nowhere, just down the street, in front and to the right of Publix. I swear, yesterday it wasn't there, and today it is. No warning whatsoever. I guess the building must have been up, but they waited to put all the McDonald's signage and finishings on until the very last minute, or something. Either that or builders work very fast. (It's possible...I don't really remember a building being there at all.)
It's not open yet, as far as I can tell, but it looks like it will be quite soon. This may do bad things to my diet. Then again, I can get their Cobb Salad...
DAY FOUR
Walked once around the complex, did six minutes on the stairclimber (felt like I could do more, but didn't want to ruin my legs for biking this afternoon), did mucho crunches and back raises, did a leg lifts series, jogged a little (very little) on the treadmill, and then went swimming for about 12 minutes. Some of that was actual paddling around, but some of it was also floating and enjoying the lukewarm water. It wasn't cold at all, but it wasn't too hot to be refreshing. I took a short dip in the hot tub and then went back to the apartment.
Answering email made me late for work, but at least I made it in. I brought my Slim Fast and my sinus medicine, so all should be well today. I think.
I'm wearing a dress! I bought two dresses at Cato when I went with Mari last Friday. This one is one of those one pieces that looks like a two piece (the top part looks like a shirt that could be worn separately, but it is, in fact, not). It's a pale beige with splashes of pink flowers on it; the underdress is a beige tank while the overlay is sheer with short sleeves. I almost feel like it's too churchy to wear to work, but eh. The other one is a sleeveless kimono-looking sheath--I say kimono-looking because of the pattern of sprays of flowers and Japanese maple leaves, not because of the actual cut of the dress. It's also pink, though a little more reddish than this one. I love them both :) I think the kimono-style one is my favorite, though; I love that kind of pattern.
I almost feel like taking a nap. I'd better wake up ;>
Answering email made me late for work, but at least I made it in. I brought my Slim Fast and my sinus medicine, so all should be well today. I think.
I'm wearing a dress! I bought two dresses at Cato when I went with Mari last Friday. This one is one of those one pieces that looks like a two piece (the top part looks like a shirt that could be worn separately, but it is, in fact, not). It's a pale beige with splashes of pink flowers on it; the underdress is a beige tank while the overlay is sheer with short sleeves. I almost feel like it's too churchy to wear to work, but eh. The other one is a sleeveless kimono-looking sheath--I say kimono-looking because of the pattern of sprays of flowers and Japanese maple leaves, not because of the actual cut of the dress. It's also pink, though a little more reddish than this one. I love them both :) I think the kimono-style one is my favorite, though; I love that kind of pattern.
I almost feel like taking a nap. I'd better wake up ;>
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Betty Crocker's on vacation
So, I didn't cook tonight. Sean and I lay around miserably for awhile, and finally I decided to go get him some Mexican food, like he'd mentioned when he first got home. So I went over to Mi Rancho (who really ought to be on 2go-Box) and got some takeout. While I was there, I went over to the service station to get some bread, and that's where I found the Every Flavor Beans.
Clothes are laid out for tomorrow--a dress for work, and my swimsuit and workout pants for the morning workout. I plan to jog around the complex (to save time), hit up the workout room and do the stairmaster for five minutes, do some stomach crunches, and then slip into the pool :D
I'm planning on starting up tennis with Paul again, on Mondays and Wednesdays after work. So this means four days of double workouts a week, when you add in the biking on Tuesday and Thursday (going tomorrow! yee!). I think for now I will leave Friday open. Maybe that can be grocery shopping day, like I was thinking before.
Robert's having his meetings with the potential CSRs tomorrow morning, I believe. I wasn't able to call them to schedule the appointments due to leaving work early. I'm actually kind of disappointed that I wasn't able to do it. I was looking forward to the experience. I'm going to take some sinus medicine with me to work tomorrow, just in case. We have a new guy who's interested in driving, but it looks like he'll only be available evenings and/or weekends. Weekends would be fine, but we are pretty much covered in the evenings...what we really need is someone to deliver lunch.
All right, that's enough rambling. Catch you all tomorrow.
Clothes are laid out for tomorrow--a dress for work, and my swimsuit and workout pants for the morning workout. I plan to jog around the complex (to save time), hit up the workout room and do the stairmaster for five minutes, do some stomach crunches, and then slip into the pool :D
I'm planning on starting up tennis with Paul again, on Mondays and Wednesdays after work. So this means four days of double workouts a week, when you add in the biking on Tuesday and Thursday (going tomorrow! yee!). I think for now I will leave Friday open. Maybe that can be grocery shopping day, like I was thinking before.
Robert's having his meetings with the potential CSRs tomorrow morning, I believe. I wasn't able to call them to schedule the appointments due to leaving work early. I'm actually kind of disappointed that I wasn't able to do it. I was looking forward to the experience. I'm going to take some sinus medicine with me to work tomorrow, just in case. We have a new guy who's interested in driving, but it looks like he'll only be available evenings and/or weekends. Weekends would be fine, but we are pretty much covered in the evenings...what we really need is someone to deliver lunch.
All right, that's enough rambling. Catch you all tomorrow.
Look what I found at the gas station
Available in these mouth-watering flavors:
As you can probably guess, Jelly Belly is responsible for this.
You know what it is?
It's sinuses.
Grah!
Sean came home with a horrible headache, too. He says he wants to see an allergist, because he thinks something in his office is affecting him. I wonder if I should go to one too. I don't like being crippled like this.
I actually left work early today...couldn't concentrate, wasn't getting anything done. When I got home I saw that I had dark circles under my eyes. So I think lack of sleep was part of the problem. I just got up from a nap, and I still have the headache, so that part is probably allergies.
Sean and I both took sinus medicine, and he's lying down trying to feel better. I'm going to try to figure out a way to get him some Mexican food for dinner...2go-Box doesn't have a bona fide Mexican restaurant available yet. (I'll probably go over to a Mexican restaurant and place a takeout order, then maybe go shopping while I wait or something...still need to get that darn bread, anyway.)
Grah!
Sean came home with a horrible headache, too. He says he wants to see an allergist, because he thinks something in his office is affecting him. I wonder if I should go to one too. I don't like being crippled like this.
I actually left work early today...couldn't concentrate, wasn't getting anything done. When I got home I saw that I had dark circles under my eyes. So I think lack of sleep was part of the problem. I just got up from a nap, and I still have the headache, so that part is probably allergies.
Sean and I both took sinus medicine, and he's lying down trying to feel better. I'm going to try to figure out a way to get him some Mexican food for dinner...2go-Box doesn't have a bona fide Mexican restaurant available yet. (I'll probably go over to a Mexican restaurant and place a takeout order, then maybe go shopping while I wait or something...still need to get that darn bread, anyway.)
Four hours to go...X_X
I'm feeling an odd mix of sleepy and alert, which isn't very helpful at the moment. I didn't quite get a lunch break--I suppose I wasn't technically working during the time, but since I had to run home, grab a Slim Fast, and come right back to cover the phone, it wasn't exactly relaxing.
I'm listening to "Hinata vs. Neji" from Naruto, because it's soothing. (Naruto has some great music.) Robert's out taking a lunch order, and I'm about to go off my "break" and start in on some new member kits (complete with spiffy magnets). I also need to call some potential CSRs and schedule appointments with them for tomorrow. Shudder.
Tomorrow is also payday...that's a consolation.
After work, I need to go get bread. I'm just writing that again to remind myself.
I'm listening to "Hinata vs. Neji" from Naruto, because it's soothing. (Naruto has some great music.) Robert's out taking a lunch order, and I'm about to go off my "break" and start in on some new member kits (complete with spiffy magnets). I also need to call some potential CSRs and schedule appointments with them for tomorrow. Shudder.
Tomorrow is also payday...that's a consolation.
After work, I need to go get bread. I'm just writing that again to remind myself.
Buzzword Man
"Look!"
"Under the pile of books and notes in the office!"
"It's a college student!"
"It's an accountant!"
"It's Buzzword Man!"
Yes, Buzzword Man. Strange visitor from another paradigm who came to reality with lingo and phraseology far beyond those of mortal men. Buzzword Man, who can change the course of mighty ad campaigns, bend logic with his bare hands, and who, disguised as Robert Jackson, mild-mannered president of a great metropolitan restaurant marketing and delivery service, fights a neverending battle for Money, Influence, and the American Way!
"Under the pile of books and notes in the office!"
"It's a college student!"
"It's an accountant!"
"It's Buzzword Man!"
Yes, Buzzword Man. Strange visitor from another paradigm who came to reality with lingo and phraseology far beyond those of mortal men. Buzzword Man, who can change the course of mighty ad campaigns, bend logic with his bare hands, and who, disguised as Robert Jackson, mild-mannered president of a great metropolitan restaurant marketing and delivery service, fights a neverending battle for Money, Influence, and the American Way!
DAY THREE
Comments are the currency--the whuffie, if you will--of a blog. So please give me some.
I was up too late last night, reading the archives of Dork Tower (a comic I had avoided up until now solely because I didn't like the name) and then cleaning the kitchen after the mess of making beef stroganoff. Then when I finally got into bed, I had a hard time getting to sleep, even though I felt completely dead.
Biking with Mari was great. Unfortunately, Kelly wasn't feeling well and couldn't come. Brooke was busy with schoolwork. So it was just the two of us. We made it to the end of the trail and back, and my quads started getting really sore. I guess that's what happens when you start working out every day. It was a good burn, though, and I forced my way back up the hill at the end with a vengeance.
This morning, due probably to not getting enough sleep, I hit the snooze alarm a couple of times before finally dragging myself out of bed. I really didn't feel like getting up at all, but I felt like skipping my workout even less, so I blearily climbed into my workout clothes and headed out. Only one lap around the complex this morning, with handweights--I kept feeling like someone was out there, and in the dark of the morning that's not a safe feeling. Plus I was tired ;>
So I went to the workout room, managed two minutes on the stairclimber, then did a huge series of stomach crunches--normal, elbows to knees, oblique, and lateral--and also did 60 back raises. I also walked on the treadmill for 5 minutes and did 5 each on each side of four different kung fu kicks. Stretching was a big thing for me this morning; I stopped frequently to stretch out, even though I'd thought I'd stretched out okay beforehand.
I barely made it half an hour before coming back and getting ready for my day. I'm glad I worked out, and I don't feel that I should have pushed myself to do more. Tomorrow, though, I plan on working harder (and hopefully swimming).
Need to stop in at Publix today and get some bread. I forgot yesterday, although I did remember to go over to Allstate to let them look at the Subaru.
Tonight I am definitely cooking some sort of chicken dish. I may also make mashed potatoes. We'll see.
I was up too late last night, reading the archives of Dork Tower (a comic I had avoided up until now solely because I didn't like the name) and then cleaning the kitchen after the mess of making beef stroganoff. Then when I finally got into bed, I had a hard time getting to sleep, even though I felt completely dead.
Biking with Mari was great. Unfortunately, Kelly wasn't feeling well and couldn't come. Brooke was busy with schoolwork. So it was just the two of us. We made it to the end of the trail and back, and my quads started getting really sore. I guess that's what happens when you start working out every day. It was a good burn, though, and I forced my way back up the hill at the end with a vengeance.
This morning, due probably to not getting enough sleep, I hit the snooze alarm a couple of times before finally dragging myself out of bed. I really didn't feel like getting up at all, but I felt like skipping my workout even less, so I blearily climbed into my workout clothes and headed out. Only one lap around the complex this morning, with handweights--I kept feeling like someone was out there, and in the dark of the morning that's not a safe feeling. Plus I was tired ;>
So I went to the workout room, managed two minutes on the stairclimber, then did a huge series of stomach crunches--normal, elbows to knees, oblique, and lateral--and also did 60 back raises. I also walked on the treadmill for 5 minutes and did 5 each on each side of four different kung fu kicks. Stretching was a big thing for me this morning; I stopped frequently to stretch out, even though I'd thought I'd stretched out okay beforehand.
I barely made it half an hour before coming back and getting ready for my day. I'm glad I worked out, and I don't feel that I should have pushed myself to do more. Tomorrow, though, I plan on working harder (and hopefully swimming).
Need to stop in at Publix today and get some bread. I forgot yesterday, although I did remember to go over to Allstate to let them look at the Subaru.
Tonight I am definitely cooking some sort of chicken dish. I may also make mashed potatoes. We'll see.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
DAY TWO
Just a quick update...
DAY ONE was mostly successful, although I forgot to pack meat for Sean's sandwich, and the bread was moldy anyway (ew). I'm not sure how these things got past me, but maybe that just means I shouldn't try to pack lunches in the morning! Regardless, he didn't eat lunch that day anyway, and so he didn't discover these things until he opened his lunch to eat it for dinner.
Which leads me to the second thing...I got home from work thinking I'd go swimming, but there was a bunch of people at the pool, so I stayed in and piddled around a little, and then I was a little frustrated about what I was going to eat for dinner, so I ate two slices of cheese and lay down for a nap. Then I didn't get up until midnight, when I laid out my clothes for today and went back to sleep! So yesterday afternoon wasn't especially productive.
This morning I walked twice around the complex, this time without the handweights (I want to let the muscles build back up, since I've heard this is smart, so I'm going to do the weights every other day), and then I went to the workout room for five minutes of stairclimber, 40 crunches, 20 of those weird crunches where you bring elbows and knees together, and 60 back raises (I figure I should at least match the stomach exercises, so my muscles in the front and back aren't unbalanced). Then I did four on each side of each kick and punch from kung fu that I could think of, and walked on the treadmill for five minutes.
There was a cockroach and a centipede on the floor. Pretty gross.
Today after work I'm going biking with Mari and Kelly (and maybe Brooke?). So that's good.
DAY ONE was mostly successful, although I forgot to pack meat for Sean's sandwich, and the bread was moldy anyway (ew). I'm not sure how these things got past me, but maybe that just means I shouldn't try to pack lunches in the morning! Regardless, he didn't eat lunch that day anyway, and so he didn't discover these things until he opened his lunch to eat it for dinner.
Which leads me to the second thing...I got home from work thinking I'd go swimming, but there was a bunch of people at the pool, so I stayed in and piddled around a little, and then I was a little frustrated about what I was going to eat for dinner, so I ate two slices of cheese and lay down for a nap. Then I didn't get up until midnight, when I laid out my clothes for today and went back to sleep! So yesterday afternoon wasn't especially productive.
This morning I walked twice around the complex, this time without the handweights (I want to let the muscles build back up, since I've heard this is smart, so I'm going to do the weights every other day), and then I went to the workout room for five minutes of stairclimber, 40 crunches, 20 of those weird crunches where you bring elbows and knees together, and 60 back raises (I figure I should at least match the stomach exercises, so my muscles in the front and back aren't unbalanced). Then I did four on each side of each kick and punch from kung fu that I could think of, and walked on the treadmill for five minutes.
There was a cockroach and a centipede on the floor. Pretty gross.
Today after work I'm going biking with Mari and Kelly (and maybe Brooke?). So that's good.
Monday, June 14, 2004
D'oh
I forgot to grab a Slim Fast on my way out the door. I guess I'll go home for lunch and drink it there :)
DAY ONE
The alarm went off at 5 am, offering me just enough lucidity to have to go to the bathroom. As I stumbled out of bed and hit the snooze button, I thought dreamily about how I would crawl back into bed, and how maybe I should set the alarm ahead to 6 so my sleep wouldn't be disturbed.
As I sat on the toilet, however, I realized, Oh yeah, I have to get up and exercise, because I look like a beached whale.
(I realize that isn't a very nice thing to say about oneself--and I know my friends, and Sean [who said some very nice things about the way I look last night], would disagree, but it was motivational, so I don't regret it.)
I turned off the alarm completely, gathered up my cell phone, glasses, and wedding rings, and left the bedroom.
Last night, in order to prepare for today, I laid out my work clothes and my workout clothes on the dining room table. This was a very good idea, and I should keep doing that. One of the most time-consuming things in the morning is trying to pick an outfit, and it's doubly annoying because Sean is asleep and I don't want to disturb him. Doing it the night before (something that FlyLady suggests) solves both problems.
I pulled on my new yoga pants and a blue shirt, both of which I bought yesterday at Wal-Mart. I grabbed my camera bag and put my cell phone and keys in it, and picked up my 3 pound handweights. Then I hung my kitchen timer around my neck and set it for 45 minutes. Finally I was off, heading out of the apartment for a nice brisk walk around the complex.
I made the circuit twice, moving my arms around with the weights in alternating motions, trying to work as many muscles as I could think of. By the time I was finished with my second lap, my arms were feeling the burn.
Coming around to the final stretch, I went into the workout room at the apartment office, where I managed the stair climber for 5 minutes (yow), and then did some stomach crunches and leg lifts. To finish off my workout, I hopped on the treadmill and did some very fast walking.
I may actually have time to hop in the swimming pool after my workouts, which might be something I want to try sometime. This morning, though, I hurried back to the apartment, made Sean's lunch, emptied the dishwasher, took my shower, and made my Slim Fast for the morning. Now I'm off for work, so I'll grab my lunch Slim Fast from the fridge, leave Sean's lunch in the bedroom where he can see it, and head off.
I'm feeling a little sore, especially in my upper back (I think from all the handweight stuff I was doing), but I also feel fairly energetic. I'm going to keep this up!
As I sat on the toilet, however, I realized, Oh yeah, I have to get up and exercise, because I look like a beached whale.
(I realize that isn't a very nice thing to say about oneself--and I know my friends, and Sean [who said some very nice things about the way I look last night], would disagree, but it was motivational, so I don't regret it.)
I turned off the alarm completely, gathered up my cell phone, glasses, and wedding rings, and left the bedroom.
Last night, in order to prepare for today, I laid out my work clothes and my workout clothes on the dining room table. This was a very good idea, and I should keep doing that. One of the most time-consuming things in the morning is trying to pick an outfit, and it's doubly annoying because Sean is asleep and I don't want to disturb him. Doing it the night before (something that FlyLady suggests) solves both problems.
I pulled on my new yoga pants and a blue shirt, both of which I bought yesterday at Wal-Mart. I grabbed my camera bag and put my cell phone and keys in it, and picked up my 3 pound handweights. Then I hung my kitchen timer around my neck and set it for 45 minutes. Finally I was off, heading out of the apartment for a nice brisk walk around the complex.
I made the circuit twice, moving my arms around with the weights in alternating motions, trying to work as many muscles as I could think of. By the time I was finished with my second lap, my arms were feeling the burn.
Coming around to the final stretch, I went into the workout room at the apartment office, where I managed the stair climber for 5 minutes (yow), and then did some stomach crunches and leg lifts. To finish off my workout, I hopped on the treadmill and did some very fast walking.
I may actually have time to hop in the swimming pool after my workouts, which might be something I want to try sometime. This morning, though, I hurried back to the apartment, made Sean's lunch, emptied the dishwasher, took my shower, and made my Slim Fast for the morning. Now I'm off for work, so I'll grab my lunch Slim Fast from the fridge, leave Sean's lunch in the bedroom where he can see it, and head off.
I'm feeling a little sore, especially in my upper back (I think from all the handweight stuff I was doing), but I also feel fairly energetic. I'm going to keep this up!
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Aftermath
Yesterday, Mari, Kelly, Chris and I kidnapped Brooke and took her to Atlanta for her birthday. We ate dinner and played all sorts of games at Dave & Buster's. It was pretty fun, although I'm not sure the expense (meal + game card + gas) would make it worthwhile to go again anytime soon.
While we were sitting at the table for dinner, our waitress took a picture of all of us together. I didn't look at it until after I got home, when I uploaded pictures to Box of Bunnies.
It was sort of a wake-up call to me. I already knew my weight, from the gynecologist visit, but I had never quite realized what all that weight was doing to my figure. In the mirror, I only see my torso, which is an okay shape from the front (and I can just ignore the side view). This picture, though, was a side view of me sitting down. It is so horrible that I'm not going to show anyone, but think about how Jabba looked in Jedi and you'll have a pretty good idea ;P It's like I'm a lump of pudding, or a shapeless pile of lard. It's disgusting. I couldn't even believe it was me at first. Then I was so upset and frustrated that I resolved to keep the picture and look at it often so I would never forget just how far I've let my body go to hell.
Obviously, something needs to be done. I really don't have the time to start a diet, mess up, overeat, and start the cycle again. I'm at the point where I need to stick to a lifestyle change. I want to be able to have a child, and while it looks like I have a chance, I don't want to shoot myself in the foot by being too unhealthy to carry it. I also don't want to be the kind of mother who is "too tired" to play with her kids. The time to get myself active and healthy is now.
I'm always scared when I commit to doing something positive for myself, because I've never really succeeded before. I'm always afraid I'll let myself down. But that picture--ugh! I'm horrified even thinking about what I look like now. And I'm doing good; I've been biking and bellydancing (although this past week I haven't done either :/). I need to keep up the exercise, add a little more, add some weight training, and start eating better.
Since I got the job, I haven't been cooking dinner as much as I used to. I've also been eating out for breakfast and lunch quite a bit. This has done horrible things for my health as well as our bank account. Stopping this behavior will really help. I have been successful in cutting caffeine out of my diet--no more Mountain Dew for me!--so I believe I can do this. I just need to keep up my willpower. I stopped caffeine because of the horrible headaches I was getting. Surely back pain, sore feet, dwindling funds and an expanding waistline are good enough reasons to alter my eating habits.
For now, I've bought a bunch of Slim Fast shakes and shake mix. I'm going to try doing two shakes and a meal for my daily food intake. We'll see how that works out.
I'm going to keep going biking with my friends as much as possible, and bellydancing too, but I can't just rely on that anymore. I have to add more activity, especially during the weeks (like last week) that we don't meet due to the weather. My apartment complex has a workout room that I can go to in the mornings and after work, and there's a swimming pool too. I'm also thinking I'd like to buy some roller skates and take some passes around the complex every day, since that would be more fun than walking.
The hardest thing will be scheduling all this activity and also scheduling making Sean's lunch for him and making dinners for both of us. I'm accustomed to a lot of idle time--in the past I spent it online, and more recently I've been spending it with my nose in a book. But that time is going to shrink, at least a little.
It's worth it, though; I have to do this. I may even take the scariest step of all...and finally buy myself a scale.
While we were sitting at the table for dinner, our waitress took a picture of all of us together. I didn't look at it until after I got home, when I uploaded pictures to Box of Bunnies.
It was sort of a wake-up call to me. I already knew my weight, from the gynecologist visit, but I had never quite realized what all that weight was doing to my figure. In the mirror, I only see my torso, which is an okay shape from the front (and I can just ignore the side view). This picture, though, was a side view of me sitting down. It is so horrible that I'm not going to show anyone, but think about how Jabba looked in Jedi and you'll have a pretty good idea ;P It's like I'm a lump of pudding, or a shapeless pile of lard. It's disgusting. I couldn't even believe it was me at first. Then I was so upset and frustrated that I resolved to keep the picture and look at it often so I would never forget just how far I've let my body go to hell.
Obviously, something needs to be done. I really don't have the time to start a diet, mess up, overeat, and start the cycle again. I'm at the point where I need to stick to a lifestyle change. I want to be able to have a child, and while it looks like I have a chance, I don't want to shoot myself in the foot by being too unhealthy to carry it. I also don't want to be the kind of mother who is "too tired" to play with her kids. The time to get myself active and healthy is now.
I'm always scared when I commit to doing something positive for myself, because I've never really succeeded before. I'm always afraid I'll let myself down. But that picture--ugh! I'm horrified even thinking about what I look like now. And I'm doing good; I've been biking and bellydancing (although this past week I haven't done either :/). I need to keep up the exercise, add a little more, add some weight training, and start eating better.
Since I got the job, I haven't been cooking dinner as much as I used to. I've also been eating out for breakfast and lunch quite a bit. This has done horrible things for my health as well as our bank account. Stopping this behavior will really help. I have been successful in cutting caffeine out of my diet--no more Mountain Dew for me!--so I believe I can do this. I just need to keep up my willpower. I stopped caffeine because of the horrible headaches I was getting. Surely back pain, sore feet, dwindling funds and an expanding waistline are good enough reasons to alter my eating habits.
For now, I've bought a bunch of Slim Fast shakes and shake mix. I'm going to try doing two shakes and a meal for my daily food intake. We'll see how that works out.
I'm going to keep going biking with my friends as much as possible, and bellydancing too, but I can't just rely on that anymore. I have to add more activity, especially during the weeks (like last week) that we don't meet due to the weather. My apartment complex has a workout room that I can go to in the mornings and after work, and there's a swimming pool too. I'm also thinking I'd like to buy some roller skates and take some passes around the complex every day, since that would be more fun than walking.
The hardest thing will be scheduling all this activity and also scheduling making Sean's lunch for him and making dinners for both of us. I'm accustomed to a lot of idle time--in the past I spent it online, and more recently I've been spending it with my nose in a book. But that time is going to shrink, at least a little.
It's worth it, though; I have to do this. I may even take the scariest step of all...and finally buy myself a scale.
Friday, June 11, 2004
Feelin' kinda poopy
I stayed up really late (well, really late for me) last night, finishing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I had just gotten to the pivotal moment in the book--the revelation of You-Know-Who--when Sean asked me to rub his neck. After that, and some puttering around online (including a brief visit to #amrn), I went to the bedroom to get some sleep, but instead I opened the book and continued reading. It was well after 1 when I finally finished, all choked up with tears burning my eyes. Damn, that was a good book.
Hitting the snooze alarm until 6:20 this morning only delayed the inevitable. I dragged myself out of bed, threw some clothes on, started some anime downloads, and headed off to work, feeling like I was going to keel over at any moment.
When I got here, I found that some of my work from yesterday was unnecessary, and it seemed that I would have to redo it, so I did...only to discover that it had already been finished. Meanwhile, Robert was calling every few minutes to tell me to get some things ready for one of our drivers to pick up. He informed me that another of our drivers has quit in favor of a restaurant managerial position for which she is grossly overpaid. I can't say that I blame her.
Robert's out with one of the drivers giving free donuts to doctors' offices in the hopes of getting an "in" with them for breakfast and lunch deliveries. We just signed Dunkin Donuts, and today will be our first day delivering for them. I don't really expect to see any orders until next week, though.
It's probably just my sour mood, but I feel like everything is so half-assed around here. I don't feel that I'm on top of things at all sometimes. And I feel like we're scrabbling to get by, doing things at the last minute, failing to plan anything. I want to change this, but I don't know how.
On the bright side, Robert gave me a last minute project yesterday, and I not only finished it, but I did very well with it. It was a design project: I created the flyer that he's using this morning to advertise the delivery service. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out.
That's all the bitching I'll do for now, I guess...except I want to mention that I haven't been bike-riding all week, first because of the weather and then because I couldn't get a hold of anyone. (I didn't really try very hard yesterday, as I was looking forward to spending the evening at home alone reading my book. Sean went out with his friend Adam.) So yeah, I feel a little grumpy because I haven't had my exercise, too.
Hitting the snooze alarm until 6:20 this morning only delayed the inevitable. I dragged myself out of bed, threw some clothes on, started some anime downloads, and headed off to work, feeling like I was going to keel over at any moment.
When I got here, I found that some of my work from yesterday was unnecessary, and it seemed that I would have to redo it, so I did...only to discover that it had already been finished. Meanwhile, Robert was calling every few minutes to tell me to get some things ready for one of our drivers to pick up. He informed me that another of our drivers has quit in favor of a restaurant managerial position for which she is grossly overpaid. I can't say that I blame her.
Robert's out with one of the drivers giving free donuts to doctors' offices in the hopes of getting an "in" with them for breakfast and lunch deliveries. We just signed Dunkin Donuts, and today will be our first day delivering for them. I don't really expect to see any orders until next week, though.
It's probably just my sour mood, but I feel like everything is so half-assed around here. I don't feel that I'm on top of things at all sometimes. And I feel like we're scrabbling to get by, doing things at the last minute, failing to plan anything. I want to change this, but I don't know how.
On the bright side, Robert gave me a last minute project yesterday, and I not only finished it, but I did very well with it. It was a design project: I created the flyer that he's using this morning to advertise the delivery service. I'm pretty proud of how it turned out.
That's all the bitching I'll do for now, I guess...except I want to mention that I haven't been bike-riding all week, first because of the weather and then because I couldn't get a hold of anyone. (I didn't really try very hard yesterday, as I was looking forward to spending the evening at home alone reading my book. Sean went out with his friend Adam.) So yeah, I feel a little grumpy because I haven't had my exercise, too.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
If eating crab would have been cannibalism...
...then what did the Little Mermaid actually eat? Algae?
Tuesday, June 8, 2004
No, wait, I take that back. Men are blind!
My post yesterday was a response to the horrific state of the office when I arrived. I took some time out to organize, file, straighten, rearrange, and vacuum. When Robert and Julia, his girlfriend from New York, came in, Julia kept saying "WOW!", while Robert's only comment was, "Oh, you vacuumed? It looks good."
I felt like saying, "Yes, vacuuming was all I did. I didn't move anything or put anything away. It's amazing what a little vacuuming, without touching anything else at all, will do."
I was in a smart-aleck mood all day yesterday. ;>
I felt like saying, "Yes, vacuuming was all I did. I didn't move anything or put anything away. It's amazing what a little vacuuming, without touching anything else at all, will do."
I was in a smart-aleck mood all day yesterday. ;>
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