Luke has a good piece up called "Genocide in the Age of Information". It's ostensibly a review of the movie Hotel Rwanda, but given the subject matter of that film, even a review has the potential to be very powerful. Luke doesn't back away from that potential.
Heh, now my problems seem so petty.
I don't know if perspective is what I needed or not, but I do feel a little calmer. And sadder.
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Heather, I am going through some of the same as you know. At least the typical worries of our age group, where we don't feel we quite fit in the adult world yet, at least career-wise, and having to make some tough choices. I too, wish to return to Ky, but I have a man keeping me from doing so. I also went through infertility, and I am lucky to have kids now, but that brings its own set of challenges, hormones that create depression, guilt, and etc. Life is a test, surely.
It seems that if you could be satisfied with your current lifestyle, which is pretty nice, nothing else would matter. But you're not. So this small crisis you're going through right now is necessary to helping you break through to grab the life you want. There are small steps you could take to help lead you to your decision, rather than going the other way around the situation. I.e. take a photography class and see how you like it, or apply at a newspaper, and look into adoption. You might find that you get your importance out of being that saviour for a motherless child. It seems a shame that you are not willing to look into the latter. You would be a great mother and you could put a stop to the crying for yourself and someone else. Maybe you could turn your grief into a wonderful, wonderful thing.
Sorry to be so frank, but I have been dying to say it for a while now. I hope I have made your day better and not worse. People, including me, truly do care for you, and wish you the best of everything.
Thanks, Jazz.
Remember Little Women? I always wanted to be like Jo, and have a big house full of adopted children. (Jo preferred boys, but I'd take all kinds.) Actually, my idea was that I would have kids from every nationality I could, and we'd celebrate all the holidays in the world, and we'd homeschool, and everything would be perfect. Of course this is ridiculous, but I still would definitely adopt.
The only thing I won't do is give birth to someone else's child (i.e., egg donation), because I think choosing not to be the genetic mother of my husband's baby is really weird.
I don't think Sean wants to adopt. He said he didn't when I asked him before. I can ask him again. But I don't want to bring a child into the mess of my current life. I want to fix myself, not make a child be the impetus that forces me to make changes. That wouldn't be fair.
I think I have a plan now. A few things are falling into place. I think that resolving my current job situation will do a lot for my state of mind.
Well, I'm glad that you're working some things out. From a post he made, Sean seems to really understand your situation about kids. He might be willing to change his mind. And your life's not that big a mess, at least from the outside looking in. I understand about the egg donor thing though! Can't wait to hear your plan!
Heather, some of the posts I read on your blog trouble me. I have a post coming up in my own blog in a day or two called "How To Be Happy" which relates perfectly to the "...having everything perfect in my comfortable lifestyle..." title in your post. When it comes up I'll send you a direct link. Don't even think about missing it. And tell your friends.
-- Dalton Hammond
http://daltonhammond.blogspot.com/
Jazz, my plan involves first making use of the good ol' boys network. I can't say much more about it at this time. It's a waiting game now.
The step after that will be to start educating myself in things I need to know. I'm going to plan a trip to Kentucky soon, and while I'm there I'm going to make use of UK's career counseling center (being an alumni, I can use it for free) to see what kinds of jobs my personality and skills are suited for. I will use that information to help me determine where I need training.
So yeah, that's the basic gist of the beginnings of the plan.
To everyone, I'm not sure if this was obvious, but the title of the post was overly sarcastic and rueful. It was basically saying, look, people die of starvation, or are massacred, or go off fighting in wars, or what have you, every day. My life is really good compared to that, so why am I whining?
I wish I could turn off my feelings of frustration and impatience. Every day I see something here at work that annoys me. If I could stop being annoyed by these things, I would probably have lower blood pressure.
Dalton, I look forward to your post. I have my own theories about how to be happy, but those theories only seem to be viable when I actually am happy. I tend to have trouble applying them when I'm not.
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