Well.
Now I have some information I have no right to have. And I feel sick.
I have to decide what to do about it. Because what's done is done, and it isn't going to go away.
This is the first thing that needs to be done though:
I'm sorry.
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I think there's been a lot of that feeling going around this week. Right now, I feel this weird pang of guilt that I even mentioned on my blog the tragedy that beset one of our online friends this past week. I see tons of comments from people who don't know him *at all* on his blog, and after a while, it just seems to be like a virus rather than genuine concern or sympathy. And the real stuff gets lost in the middle of the muddle. I may take my post down, just because I feel that way now. And I'm pissed that I now know who this delightful storyteller is because of all this. Grrrr. Lousy week for everybody, eh?
Yeah, seriously.
I was never all that obsessed with figuring out who he was, either. All I had to do was stop after I read the CNN article. But nooooo...
That thing about all the newbs coming in and posting due to people's blog posts, that struck me too. And it's also part of why I haven't posted anything. I have things to say, but I've been saying them in comments, and that has really been enough.
Of course, I also wondered if people thought me callous because I hadn't made a post about it, and instead have just been posting away merrily as if nothing even happened.
(Except this post, of course.)
"Of course, I also wondered if people thought me callous because I hadn't made a post about it, and instead have just been posting away merrily as if nothing even happened."
No, not at all! In fact, I regret having said anything, all things considered. What has made me feel worse? The day he posted about what had happened, I had not visited his blog because work had been crazy. That evening, I had my little meet-up with Bill Pullman, and I posted my silly bit about that with the title "Don't Bury Me! I'm Not Dead!" (A reference to the poster he signed for me.) Right after posting that, I went to MM's blog and read what happened. (And sat and cried at my keyboard at one in the morning.) And I posted my raw, upset words of sympathy to him.
And bless his heart, he must have been up, unable to sleep, and he came to my blog (I knew this from my stats - I've long known where he was located from those stats, and what company he worked for.) What a horrible thing for him to see on my page - those words that innocently referred to that poster, but likely were awful in his mind. Bless his heart. I've accidentally felt like a total schmuck for days now.
Oh, gosh. *hug*
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