Today after lunch--ate way too much, such that I have no calories left for dinner--I tried to read more of The Power That Preserves (I finished The Illearth War the other day), but I found myself literally falling asleep over the book. I was lying on my stomach, and I closed my eyes, and a few minutes later I realized that I wasn't going to open my eyes anytime soon. So finally I gave up, bookmarked my place, took off my glasses and rings, and curled up into sleep.
I slept from then until just a few minutes ago, and I (of course) had an odd dream.
I had given birth to a baby girl. She was maybe a week or so old. But the labor had been painless--I wondered if someone had perhaps given me an epidural, and the details were so hazy that it was unclear to me that I had given birth at all. The realization came that I had a baby, but had not been attending to it at all. My dream consisted of me desperately trying to make that first week up to the child.
I began by talking to her about how I had managed to overlook her for those long days. My narrative was interrupted, though, and I desperately thought, "That's all she'll remember if I don't rectify it soon. All she'll know is that her mother forgot about her." So I got back to her and kept talking, and explained how I loved her so much, and how I would never let her go.
At some point, I realized she was breathing strangely, and had an irregular heartbeat. Someone said that she had too high of a sodium intake, so she was now very fragile. I vowed to make my own baby food for her. "I'm going to start only buying frozen vegetables, so she can have those. I can cream them in the food processor," I said, but the other person remarked that she was too young for baby food, and I felt ridiculous.
I spent the rest of the dream holding her, trying to make her smile and yet afraid of endangering her heart and lungs, and then--inexplicably--I went to a bar with my boss.
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