Life imitates "art", or People are stupid

Have you seen that stupid Toyota commercial where people destroy their cars in various ways so they can buy a new Toyota?

Well:

Man accused of pushing car off mountain

A man pushed his Ford Mustang down a mountain as part of a scheme to claim it was stolen, authorities said.

Richard Way Jr., 28, pushed the car down an embankment along Wopsy Mountain in Blair County last year, then reported it had been stolen from the parking lot of a hot dog restaurant, the Pennsylvania attorney general's office said.

Way, of Claysburg, was arraigned last week on charges of filing false police reports, theft and insurance fraud.

A cousin, Travis Knox, told police he saw Way remove stereo equipment from the Mustang and was asked to help push the car off a cliff, according to the arrest affidavit. Knox said he refused to help, and told investigators that Way confessed the crime to him a few days later.

The commercial annoys me every time I see it, because I'm a goody two shoes and can't stand it when our entertainment media encourages us to commit crimes (an ad for a film where two bank employees hatch a plan to rob the place played before Enchanted! WTF?), and because this is yet another example of the "I deserve it, and I have no responsibilities" mindset.

I wondered the first time I saw it if it would happen in real life. This isn't exactly the same, but...

(Apologies to Dariush for stealing his headline meme ;>)

My obituary

Via...my father-in-law's MySpace page ;D

'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com

I can't think of a better way to go, or a more flattering group of mourners. Can you?

KKM season 3

I just found out that Kyou Kara Maou is getting a third season, which will start airing in Japan in April. Rock on!

I also just found out that Geneon isn't distributing anime anymore, and they stopped before they were done with KKM season 2, so it's unclear if those episodes will ever be released in the US. WTF!

(And yes, I am slow with news.)

Diving back in

Getting back to work yesterday was such a relief. I'm tired of seeing my previous, whiny post about how illness ruins my life, so I figured I'd write a short post about how much I got accomplished yesterday.

As I Twittered, things didn't go perfectly smoothly without me. There are things only I know how to do, things I've told people how to do but they're a little rough at it, and things I've trained people on but I'm just better at doing. I had a little bit of catch-up work to do to get things up to my level. I know I sound egotistical, but I'd like to think that everyone sets standards for their work and then tries to meet them, and you wouldn't think that way necessarily when you're filling in for someone else's job--so see, it's just realism, not egotism.

;>

Regardless, I got the site to where I wanted it to be, and then did some work I'd been putting off due to other projects, and then did what I call my TPS reports (they actually do serve a purpose, but they are so boring). At some point I took a 45 minute lunch break and went to Wendy's with Elgin and Fichtel, which was cool. I did not have a Frosty, shockingly, but alas, I did have fries. Back at work, I handled an ad issue for sales, made two calls on another ad issue for sales (but no answer), and then dove into a design project I volunteered for last week. I had received an email from the printing company that they needed the artwork ASAP. The files I was working with were huge, so I literally could not have any programs open but Photoshop while working on them, so I had to work it in during a non-busy time. Fortunately I was able to do so yesterday, and I got the design done! Now I just have to hope it's acceptable for printing...it has a lot of color and I'm not sure what that might do to the price.

Then I did my usual evening tasks--my job ramps up during the last two hours due to the evening newscasts. I ended up staying a little late, but since I don't have any sick hours left and I missed two and a half days this week I guess that's a good thing ;P

Now it's Friday, the last day before my vacation. I'll finish up my TPS reports today, work on uploading some video to various places, make sure that project is acceptable for the printer, and do my regular tasks. I also have a doctor's appointment this morning and a salon appointment this afternoon, and I'm supposed to take pictures of the weekend talent at some point.

Ah, what a life I lead :)

I'm getting tired of this ;P

I got a fever late Saturday night, and it kept coming back throughout Sunday and Monday. I took Tylenol Cold whenever it got too bad--i.e., I was freezing to death--and otherwise just tried to rest and drink juice. This morning I had a bit of a fever so I called my GP's office for an appointment to see what he thought. He only had an afternoon appointment available, so I took that and then went to work.

I got caught up on a few things and realized the breadth of work that is still to be done, then headed over to see Dr. B. I told him my symptoms--neck pain, slight sore throat, occasional cough, throat and nasal congestion, fever--and that I had been sick like this a couple weeks ago.

He surmised that I have just had two different viruses back to back, but he took a throat culture and prescribed Penicillin just in case I have strep throat.

As we were walking out of the exam room, he asked, "Do you need a work excuse?"

"For yesterday?" I asked. "I'm working today."

"You shouldn't be," he replied.

"...well, then, yes, I need an excuse."

And he wrote me a note that says I can't go back to work until Thursday.

Seriously. I have been out of sick days forever, and I have work that needs to get done, and I don't know how I can expect to be regarded as a professional if I'm out sick every couple of weeks! This is really frustrating.

I went to Walgreens to fill the prescription, and I picked up some hand sanitizer and Lysol disinfectant spray. I'm going to try to be ridiculous about cleanliness from now on. I'm also thinking I'd like to see what sorts of HEPA room filters are available on the market and if I could afford one, or preferably two: one for home and one for work. That might not be possible given all the other medical bills (another reason I'd like to be able to work!), but it's definitely worth looking into at least.

Bah!

I apparently can't live without Twitter

If I could have been Twittering this morning, you would know that I am home sick from work today, that I'm watching Lois & Clark season 3, that I'm drinking V8 fruit juice, and that I need to get over to the mailbox soon, if I can. I might have added other notes, like the fact that The Abominable Charles Christopher is back up, and that I've added it (and other comics) to my webcomics list on the sidebar.

But there was no Twitter this morning, and yea, there was wailing and gnashing of teeth all 'cross the intarweb.

Fortunately, it's back now--so all of you who live to read the minutiae of my life, rejoice.

Which Disney princess are you?

I'm Belle and Aurora, apparently.

Cinderella:

[ ] One of your parents is dead.

[x] You are expected to do a lot of chores.

[x] You love to dress up.

[x] You love animals.

[ ] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming. (Or princess)

[ ] Your mom is really strict.

[ ] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you.

[ ] You're afraid to speak your mind sometimes.

[ ] You have left your shoes at a friend's house before

[x] You have blond hair.

TOTAL: 4


Belle:

[ ] You've fallen in love like with someone your friends didn't like.

[x] You've been lost in the forest.

[x] You love to read.

[ ] You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind.

[x] One of your family members is a bit weird.

[x] You have done volunteer work.

[x] You have a wild imagination.

[x] You love to take care of people in need.

[ ] You've had guys like you only because they think you're pretty.

[x] You've rejected at least one person when they've asked you out.

TOTAL: 7


Jasmine:

[ ] Your dad is very rich/important.

[x] You are very clever.

[x] You've fallen in love like with someone way different from you.

[x] You're unique and different from everyone else.

[x] You'd never marry someone just because they were rich.

[ ] You have set a lot of goals for yourself.

[ ] You don't have a lot of friends.

[x] You're independent

[ ] You are wealthy

[ ] Your parents try to control your life.

TOTAL: 5


Ariel:

[x] Your parents expect a lot from you.

[ ] You really try to follow the rules, but you always seem to break them.

[ ] You're a bit of a trouble maker.

[ ] You're the youngest in your family.

[ ] You have a sister.

[x] You collect something.

[ ] You have/had long, red hair

[x] You have/had a pet fish.

[x] You're extremely curious.

[ ] You believe everything people tell you/you're a bit gullible.


TOTAL: 4


Snow White:

[x] You know that you're beautiful.

[ ] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you.

[ ] You've almost been killed.

[x] You have at least seven good friends.

[ ] You've had food poisoning.

[x] You have/had short hair.

[x] You get along with (most) everyone.

[x] All of your friends are different ... in a good way...

[x] You love to have a good time.

[ ] You're happier when you're out of the house than in.

TOTAL: 6


Mulan:

[x] You can be a tomboy sometimes.

[ ] People wish you could be a bit more girly.

[ ] You've pretended to be someone you're not.

[ ] You've had a physical fight with someone.

[x] You have/had considered running away from home.

[ ] Your parents try to plan your life out.

[x] Some of your friends are boys.

[ ] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations.

[x] You love your family so much that you'd do anything to protect them.

TOTAL: 4


Aurora:

[x] You live/have lived with someone other than your parents. (Assuming my husband counts ;P)

[ ] You almost died at a very young age.

[x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful.

[x] You have a decent singing voice.

[x] You like to sleep in late on the weekends.

[ ] You spend most of your time outside

[ ] You're adopted

[x] You have/had long hair.

[x] You're very romantic.

[x] Pink is one of your favorite colors

TOTAL: 7


Pocahontas:

[x] You love to walk around and explore your city.

[x] You are more spiritual than religious.

[ ] You've been in an interracial relationship.

[ ] One of your siblings is dead.

[x] Your parents are very protective of you.

[x] Someone you know has been in war.

[x] You love nature.

[ ] You have/had black hair.

[x] You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful.

[x] You're very adventurous

TOTAL: 5

Unofficial!

I have some time to kill before I head over to Wicked Wasabi for Samantha's birthday, so I thought I'd share the photos I took today at the Unofficial Superlatives luncheon, held at Teresa's Mexican Restaurant.

The station did superlatives officially last year and announced them at the Christmas party. (I won "Neatest" and "Biggest Nerd", as I recall.) This year, for whatever reason, it was decided that superlatives wouldn't happen. Kassay and I thought this was rather lame, so we organized our own unofficial superlatives. Today was the day they were awarded.

A pretty big group of us were able to head over to Teresa's at lunchtime. Miraculously, we got a table right away, and we only had to wait a few minutes for everyone to arrive.

After everyone had ordered their food, I started announcing the winners, and Kassay passed out the beautiful gold-embossed certificates I had printed the day before. There were a lot of categories, and even more winners, because where there were ties I just decided to let everyone win rather than having a runoff. Several people won more than one superlative.

Scarily, Chris C. and I won superlatives in the exact same categories. (Does this mean we're BFF now?)

All in all, it was a really fun time. Even the people who didn't win anything said they enjoyed it. Really, it was just great to go out with so many coworkers at once. We had a blast :)

Great Christmas movies

All the Christmas stuff going on lately has got me thinking about my favorite Christmas movies. Here's a list of the ones that get me into the spirit:

Home Alone - The original, of course. Quintessential Christmas.

An Affair to Remember

Die Hard - Yes, Die Hard.

Elf

The Nightmare before Christmas

The Santa Clause

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

While You Were Sleeping

The Star Wars Holiday Special - Okay, this one's a joke.

What are your favorite holiday films? Here's a pretty good list if you need to jog your memory.

Infused with Christmas spirit

The Christmas spirit is on overload here at work. There's a door decorating contest going on and all the different departments are going crazy to try and win. Today's the deadline, and all of a sudden more and more doors are being covered in wrapping or crepe paper and decorated to the hilt.

I went all out with my office, hanging tinsel and lights, setting out decorative boxes and bows, and bringing in the two little Christmas trees I bought last year. Now that I don't have a huge desk at home I really don't have a place to put them, so they're sitting on the printer table here in my office. I hung stockings from the doorknobs, and as a final touch, I hung candy canes from pretty much every handle in the room.

To complete the look, I turned off one set of lights to let the Christmas lights set the mood, and I've been playing Christmas mp3s all week.

My boss has jumped on the bandwagon, and now she has a boom box blasting Christmas songs down the hall.

I don't remember it being this spirited last year, but I'm glad for it. It's a lot of fun! I took some time this morning to run around the station with my camera getting pictures of different places in various states of decoration. I'll add pictures to this post once they're uploaded.

Mom is (as Logan would say) awesome.

I called Mom before bed and we chatted for about 40 minutes. She is home again after a nice weekend vacation to Indianapolis with Aunt Bev. We talked about that and about what everyone's up to and our plans for Christmas.

"Dad's making little instruments now," she said. "You'll have to see them when you get here. They're pretty cute." She paused. "Actually, they're not cute at all. They're kind of ugly. But they make sounds!"

I laughed so hard I cried.

Birds

The other day I took a lunch to Riverwalk and snapped a few photos.

There were a lot of birds on my favorite train bridge, so I spent a lot of time trying to get a good shot of them.

I love Riverwalk :)

You can see the rest of the pictures here.

Sleep study #2

After my first sleep study back in October, it was determined that I have moderate sleep apnea. I was seen by a sleep specialist and the ear nose and throat doctor again, and then I was sent back to the sleep study place to be fitted for a CPAP (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) machine. With sleep apnea, you stop breathing while sleeping because your airway collapses. A CPAP forces air into your nose, helping you to breathe properly.

Coincidentally, I ended up with the same sleep study technician as last time, Chris, and had my study in the same room.

I had to wait for some time as Chris set up the patient next door, a small baby. Fortunately, this time I'd brought my laptop and box set of Initial D, so I got ready for bed and then watched several episodes. There was a hospital wireless network available, but it was unsecured so I decided not to get online.

Finally Chris arrived to wire me up. This time I was able to get a picture before he put the hair net on:

Chris was just as talkative as last time, but I was pretty tired, so I wasn't as involved in the conversation as I might have been.

In the middle of getting me set up, Chris had to leave the room to get a humidifier for the CPAP, and while I waited for him to get back I drew a picture of Batman on the markerboard door of the closet.

Finally it was time to sleep. I got into place and Chris helped me put on the face mask. It only covers the nose. There's a bunch of soft padding on it so it's comfortable, and there's a piece of plastic that connects to a padded bar that goes on your forehead, to add stability. That whole unit is then strapped to your head with adjustable fabric belts, which you can slip off of hooks if you need to remove the mask quickly.

It was weird after it was on and Chris first started the flow of air. My first instinct was to rip the mask off, as if I was being suffocated. But I forced myself to breathe the air that was blowing into the mask.

Then Chris asked me a question, and let me tell you, it is very weird to try to talk only to hear a weird raspy sound and feel a torrent of air blowing out of your mouth.

"Did I ask you the question because I wanted to know the answer, or because I wanted to hear you do that?" Chris asked. Hmm, let's all think about that! ;>

We got the mask settled in on my face and I got comfy for the night.

I have a love-hate relationship with this photo (which Chris kindly took for me). Obviously, I wouldn't send this out with my Christmas cards. I mean, it's just not flattering. But at the same time, it's so perfectly representative of what it's like to be wired up for a sleep study.

It doesn't look comfortable, does it? But remarkably, my biggest complaint about the situation would have to be that the pillow didn't provide proper neck support. I'm spoiled by Tempur-Pedic. And that's it!

The mask didn't really bother me while I was asleep. When I first started trying to go to sleep I wondered if I would wake up, forget about the mask, discover it, and freak out. But that didn't happen. I vaguely recall the mask moving off my nose slightly, and moving it back myself, and I also vaguely pulling the mask off as best I could, only to have Chris come fix it, but I wasn't particularly distressed by any of these events.

I slept very soundly, and I was very unhappy when Chris woke me around 7.

The exit questions were the same, but my answers were really different. Can you remember any dreams? No, not at all. How long were you asleep? I have no idea. What time is it right now? No clue. What time did you go to sleep? Um. It's kind of scary that my answers were so precise before, and this time...nothing. Does this mean that I was so asleep that my internal body clock took the night off? And am I not going to have dreams anymore? Because I'll miss those :>

It took awhile for me to feel like I was awake after that. Chris told me that around the middle part of the day I'd realize that I felt refreshed, but I wasn't sure about that. I did, thankfully, wake up enough that I felt comfortable driving home.

When I got here I had planned on going straight to bed, but it turned out that we forgot to pay the rent, so I relaxed a little with the intention of going and doing that, and I ended up watching more Initial D and running that errand and just staying awake.

Until, abruptly, I fell asleep on the couch.

The nap was somewhat restful, but not ideal. I kept waking up and hearing the DVD menu music and thinking that I should turn it off, and then falling back asleep. But afterwards I at least felt like I could make it through the rest of the day.

I think what happened is that I actually did get some restful sleep, and when it stopped prematurely my body was very unhappy about it.

I originally thought wearing a face mask was going to be a colossal pain, but now I'm excited to see what will happen when I have my own CPAP. It'll be cool to see if I actually do feel more rested in the daytime, and have more energy to do things. I would love to start being active again.

I'm not actually sure when all this will happen, though. I think I'm going to get the prescription in three weeks when I go back to the ENT.

Move faster, time!

Worry-less wireless

Me (3:02:05 PM): I was going to ask you earlier if you had any good ideas for getting rid of a sore throat
Me (3:02:12 PM): but then I sucked on a cough drop
Me (3:02:16 PM): and what do you know?
Me (3:02:53 PM): we don't really have a good term for sucking on stuff, other than "sucked on it"
Me (3:02:59 PM): like you "take" a pill
Mom (3:03:03 PM): losenge
Mom (3:03:04 PM): LOL
Mom (3:03:15 PM): lozenge
Mom (3:03:20 PM): how do you spell that
Me (3:03:21 PM): in Japanese they actually say that you "drink" pills
Mom (3:03:26 PM): lol
Me (3:03:36 PM): with a z
Me (3:04:00 PM): I've heard people here say you eat pills
Mom (3:04:04 PM): lol
Me (3:04:07 PM): but I would just say "take" or "swallow"
Me (3:04:17 PM): "I ate a Motrin" just sounds funny
Me (3:04:37 PM): but anyway, the point of all that was, I wouldn't say "I took a cough drop" either
Me (3:04:44 PM): because I feel like that implies immediate swallowing
Mom (3:05:14 PM): lol
Me (3:05:24 PM): at about this point, my friend Brandon from work would say, "When you don't have to think about your wireless plan, you're free to think about OTHER things"
Me (3:05:34 PM): have you seen those commercials?
Me (3:05:45 PM): those people are always talking about the stupidest stuff
Me (3:05:47 PM): lol
Me (3:06:00 PM): I like to pretend that my silly tangents are on a higher level at least
Me (3:06:01 PM): ;>
Mom (3:06:49 PM): yes is silly
Me (3:07:07 PM): lol
Me (3:07:17 PM): "no is not on higher level"?
Mom (3:07:30 PM): no the commercials are silly
Mom (3:07:31 PM): LOL
Mom (3:07:32 PM): not you
Me (3:07:35 PM): hahaha

Edit: Hai points out that "you HAD a cough drop". Fair enough.

Terror

I discovered a new fear yesterday.

It's kind of a funny story, really. Fichtel remarked to me that after that day, the new female evening anchor wouldn't be available for photos with the rest of the team, so if I wanted to get some shots I should run down there right after the 6 o'clock show. He added that the sports director had to leave right away, so I'd have to be quick. I thanked Fichtel for letting me know and put my camera on my desk so I'd remember.

Right before the show started, I got a call from the 6 o'clock producer. "[Male evening anchor] wants you and [my boss] in the studio during the first break," he said.

"...what for?"

"He just wants you down there."

Now, it did occur to me that it could be for pictures. But the entire team wouldn't be down there at that time; it would just be the two anchors. And what would we need my boss for? I started to freak out. Surely the anchors weren't going to talk about the website or something and try to put me on the show!

Frantically, I checked the script. I didn't see anything in the second block about the website. But it just seemed too weird. I went to my boss' office to see if she knew anything.

"Do you know why [male anchor] wants us during the first break?"

"What?"

It turned out that she knew nothing about it. I told her what the 6 o'clock producer had said to me. She turned to give the male anchor a questioning look--one wall of her office is a window into the studio.

Apparently we were rolling video at the time because he started gesturing to explain what he meant. He pointed to either side of himself.

Horrorstruck, I thought he meant for us to sit at the desk next to him, and I blurted out, "I'm not going on air!" I'm pretty sure my voice was shaking.

Finally he mimed taking a picture with a camera. I almost died with relief. And so I went down there during the first break and got a few two-shots of the anchors.

But it doesn't end there!

Right after the show, the 6 o'clock producer stopped by my office. "[Male anchor] wants you in the studio," he said.

"Are you sure?" I asked, feeling my nerves start to thrum again.

"Yes, he just told me."

"Why?"

"I don't know, he just wants you."

I'm pretty sure this lack of information egged on my paranoia. I mean, the show was over, so obviously I couldn't be on it now. But didn't the sports director have to leave? Surely it wasn't about pictures again.

I was headed down the hall without my camera when I saw the 6 o'clock producer stop the sports director on his way out. "[Male anchor] wants you back down there," he said.

The sports director looked at me. "What is this for? I have to go."

I said "I don't know" in a voice that sounded like I was having a panic attack. Then I turned around and ran into my office to grab the camera.

And yes, it was for pictures again. This time it was to get the four-shot with the sports director and the chief meteorologist.

The reason they wanted my boss there was to approve the photos. Apparently there had been a previous photo shoot in which none of the photos had been acceptable, and they'd had to call everyone back in to do them over, so the anchors wanted to avoid that entirely. That had happened with someone else taking the pictures, though; my boss didn't even look at mine :>

I managed to take some pictures from two different angles. All but two of them turned out fairly decent. As I headed back to my office, though, I was still trying to calm down.

So I guess I'm more afraid of being on live TV than I thought. Though I'm sure having no idea what was going on and worrying that I would have "perform" in public had something to do with it.

Christmas decorations

So I spent the day watching DVDs and putting up Christmas decorations. Here's the Christmas village Grandma Flo gave me yesterday--I love all the trees!

Click here to see the rest of the decorations. These photos aren't so great with lighting, but you can get an idea of how things look. I'm especially happy with the dining room table (although it looks a bit like a card table, being surrounded by folding chairs) and the ornaments hanging off the chandelier.

I haven't decided where to put my two little Christmas trees yet. I also have two strings of Christmas lights that I guess Mom left here, because I have no idea where they came from. Not sure what to do with those either, but I'll keep you posted.

Happy Thanksgiving :)

I hope you all had a lovely day. We did!

Our table


Grandma Flo


Sean (right) and his dad, Reid

I don't like any of these chairs

These are the best I could find, but none of them is quite right, either on its own or with my beautiful table. Gah!

Kindle

Have you seen this?

This is one of the coolest things I have ever seen. I mean wow. I'm not really the type to run out and buy all the latest gadgets...I mean, just look at my cell phone (which my mom has been trying to get me to replace for months). But this thing looks awesome. I'm especially interested in how the display is supposed to look like ink on paper rather than a screen.

I wish I could see one in person!

A fabulous find

I went downtown today to see if I could find some interesting chairs in any of the antique stores. I thought maybe there was a remote chance someone had gotten rid of a plain chair that would suit my needs. The idea of having a set of mismatched chairs that all share a few main features is appealing.

I parked in front of Merry's Trash and Treasures, which is the biggest antique store in the universe. Well, maybe not, but they have like three storefronts...and when you go inside, the furniture is literally stacked to the ceiling.

With a selection like that, you'd think I might have come across something...but Merry's stock runs more along the vintage American kind of furniture. I didn't see anything that might have been brought over from China or Japan or inspired by those countries. All the wood had a natural finish, too, except for one old farmhouse set--so no black, which is what I need to match my table.

Also, you'd be hard-pressed to find anything in Merry's that doesn't cost $300 or more. I discovered this years ago, but somehow I had forgotten.

Unsure of my chances of finding anything at an antique store now that I'd seen Merry's selection, I went next door to The Marketplace, which is run like a flea market; different vendors run different sections of the store. This place does not deal in very much furniture, but they have all those neat knickknacks and books and cooking utensils that you expect in a second-hand shop. I stayed because I love looking at vintage curios, and I figured that if I found something I used to own or something that reminded me of my childhood, I wouldn't have a problem picking it up.

I had fun scouring the shelves. I came across some Charlie Brown and the Chipmunks glassware that we used to have when I was a kid, and there was some nice milk glass too. Nothing really stuck out to me, though, until I was heading back along the opposite wall and came across a beautiful set of Noritake china.

The dishes were trimmed in gold, and at the center of each was a cluster of blue flowers. I examined the set. Apparently it had once been a service for 12, but some dishes and saucers had been broken along the way, so that it was now a service for 10. One dish was chipped, and the floral design had worn away on several pieces. Still, it was in fairly decent condition, and the price was reasonable. I decided to think about it, and moved on.

After happily coming across a copy of The Truce at Bakura, my favorite SWEU novel, in the adjacent stall, I moved forward and found a lovely Queen Anne table...laid out with another gorgeous set of Noritake china. This was a service for eight, in perfect condition, and none of the pieces were missing. They were trimmed in silver and the design was pink flowers.

I was already sold on the set, but I moved on anyway, went upstairs, scanned other items. However much I tried, though, I couldn't concentrate, and it wasn't long before I was hurrying back downstairs to snag the set before someone else saw it.

Here it is:

Oh, I love them so! I really hated the thought of serving a special dinner on the plates we use every day. They're good plates, but they are old and worn and you can tell. I'm so excited to have something so beautiful for special occasions, and to have found the set at such a great price.

As you can see, my table is ready for Thanksgiving. All I need now are chairs!

The search for chairs

As you may know, while Mom was here I purchased a beautiful Nigoshi table from Sears. It's a black table in an "Asian" design, and I love it. Unfortunately, I didn't love the chairs meant to go with the set, so I didn't buy those. Since then, I've been hunting for just the right chairs.

It's harder than I thought to find chairs with a black finish, let alone chairs in a plain or (heaven forbid) Asian style. I thought I had found a decent chair at Target, but last night I decided to check some furniture stores just in case.

First I went to Ashley Furniture HomeStore in the Augusta Exchange. This was the only chair I found that was close to what I want:

The chair was comfortable. I know Sean would approve of the padded seat, but I personally would prefer a hard chair that you can add a cushion to if you so desire. The back of the chair is problematic because it's not quite right, style-wise. My bistro table has stools with skinny, straight lines across the seats, and so if I'm going to have parallel lines, I'd like them to sort of match. However, I'm open to chairs with a rectangular cross-slat pattern, because that simulates the look of shoji screens. These chairs have a big panel in the center of the back which doesn't really do it for me.

Next I went to Haverty's. This was their only selection in black. They actually had the shoji-style I'm interested in, but only in "chocolate", which is not black!

This has the parallel lines, and not too thick, but it has a cross-bar up top, and while this sort of does the shoji thing, it's not consistent across the entire chair. Still, I really liked how these chairs felt to sit in. They are also available in end chairs with arms, which are comfy as well.

I decided to check the mall next. They used to have a Macy's furniture store at one end. Unfortunately, they don't seem to have it anymore! I walked the entire length of the old mall and didn't find any stores with furniture. At that point I was too tired to worry about looking at all the new mall stores that opened recently...I want to really take my time in exploring them, anyway, especially the Williams-Sonoma. So I hopped in my car and headed out.

Since I was already on Wrightsboro Road, I stopped in at Rooms to Go...but they had nothing. Nothing! At this point I was pretty disappointed that I had only found two candidates, and neither of them was exactly what I wanted.

After that I went to Target to look at my original choice again...and I was shocked to discover that not only were they more expensive than the chairs at the furniture stores, but they were of weaker construction! So...never mind, Target.

Right now I'm leaning towards the Haverty's chairs. I like how they feel to sit in, the design is pretty close to what I want, and I like the end chairs with the arms. But I'm still weighing my options.

And that is why I went to the antique store today, though I ended up buying something completely different...

Fleeting fall

Remember those gorgeous red leaves I showed you the other day? Well, compare this

to this!

Impressive, eh? In a matter of five days, the vibrant, beautiful leaves were reduced to crispy, colorless leftovers. The tree-stripping was assisted by a particularly blustery Thursday. As I drove to work, leaves whirled all around my car. I wanted to take a movie of it, actually...but I didn't, alas.

Daily Show writers on strike

See what I did there?

Anyway, here's a movie!

Via WWDN.

Worries

I had a couple of bad dreams last night. Nothing horrific, just stuff that I wouldn't want to have happen.

In the first one Sean and I were having a home built, and we hadn't heard anything about it for awhile so we went to check it out, and we discovered that 1) they were building the wrong floor plan and 2) a bank now owned it, and if we wanted to get it back we would have to take out another loan. So we could forget about moving into the house, but still have to pay on our original loan for it, or we could move into a house we didn't want and pay double.

In the second dream I went to the doctor for some procedure that had apparently become routine. They gave me a drug by IV and then (inexplicably) started shampooing my hair. But then they got all worried; apparently the drug had made my heart rate go way too high. I basically sat there wondering what was going to happen while doctors and nurses bustled around, coming in and out of the room. There really wasn't an ending to that dream.

Today I have an appointment with my GP, Dr. B, although I'm not sure why. I will try to remember to take my calendar with me this time. I'm not seeing Dr. G again until the Monday after Thanksgiving.

If you've been watching my Twitter you may have noticed that I've been going through a lot of anxiety lately, over my job and my health. My boss has been really supportive during all this, and she talked me down from freakout mode the other day. I think I'm getting a better handle on things. I'm probably just overwhelmed by all the changes that are happening in my life--so much that is out of my control. I just need to create a plan so I can get done what I need to get done. Not just at work, but at home, too. I've not cooked anything this whole time; we've just been getting takeout. Bleh.

He might get it...maybe

Edit: Here's an alternate version of the second pic, suggested by Charles:

Fall color

Today I took the tiniest of strolls, just around two areas of my apartment complex, so I could get pictures of the beautiful changing leaves. Here's a link to the full gallery.

As you can see, I like red leaves :)

Ah, Lois & Clark

Lex: I've never noticed your eyes before. How rich, how deep. Like pools of light. A man could drown in those pools.

Lois: ...Huh.

Kyou Kara Maou R 1

What does the R mean? No idea. But I watched the first episode today anyway.

Good stuff so far. Conrad and Josak being badass, Yuuri being Yuuri, and some crazy twists thrown in to mess with my mind. Maybe if I could read the light novels--which I do own; they're sitting in a sad pile due to my lack of kanji skills--I would have known what was going to happen at the end of the episode, but I certainly did not. Or maybe this OVA is completely original. In any case: Fascinating! Corporeal? Guess we'll find out!

I love the opening animation, too, especially where Yuuri goes from Maou-mode back into bashfully smiling Yuuri-mode. In fact, I loved that part so much I made this herky-jerky animated gif. (It's a couple hundred K so I figured I'd link to it instead of forcing you all to download it.)

The ED, with trademark chibified cast members, was also quite nice.

There are a couple of new characters, including the main antagonist and his retainer, and apparently a new girl at the castle who wasn't in this episode but is in the OP animation. I'm really intrigued by the antagonist, who seems to have certain abilities--which Yuuri is either immune to after a point or which someone stopped in time. His retainer is your standard badass swordsman there to give Conrad something to do, but hopefully he'll turn into an interesting character like Raven did.

Since this is all Shou Shimaron related, I wonder if we'll be seeing 刈ポニー?

Final thought: Brooke, there's some Josak fanservice for you in this episode!

Well, maybe

Me (9:35:31 PM): I had the BEST curry at an Indian restaurant in Fukuoka
Me (9:35:51 PM): I guess I just need to go back there and get some more someday
Me (9:35:59 PM): because MY GOD MAN THAT WAS GOOD CURRY
Charles (9:36:40 PM): So, you liked it? 'Cause I'm getting mixed signals here.
Me (9:36:58 PM): XD

Life expectancy: pretty much normal

:D

I went to the cardiologist, Dr. G, today, and she upped my lisinopril and downed my furosemide and agreed that I seem to have lost all the fluid I had been retaining. She listened to my breathing and asked if I had been dizzy or lightheaded to the point of passing out lately (which I have not). Then she said that things seemed to be going really well for me.

Finally I asked her what the plan was in the long term. She said that in cases like mine, if the heart is going to recover, it usually happens within nine months, so around June we'll do another echo to see if it has. If it hasn't, at that point we'll talk about whether or not I should have a defibrillator implanted to protect me against irregular heart rhythms, which can cause instant death. (Sorry, that was abrupt! But I guess the instant death would be, too. Heh.)

She said sometimes the heart recovers, and sometimes it doesn't recover but the person feels better anyway, and from a quality of life standpoint those two things are essentially the same. In the second scenario you just have to take extra steps.

Then I asked her if my life expectancy would be affected by all this. She essentially said probably not. If my heart recovers in nine months, then I'll just be normal. If it doesn't, then all that will be different is that I will have a higher chance than most of the population of having those irregular heart rhythms.

So I should live into old age. This was nice to hear!

Dr. G also told me that exercise is very good for people with CHF, and I should do as much as I can. The things I should avoid are straining myself, like with heavy lifting or with overdoing the exercise, and getting pregnant (I think I can handle that ;P).

Basically, I got the impression that I should be careful, but not treat myself like an invalid. This makes me very pleased. It can be fun having people do things for me, but ultimately I like things done my way, and there isn't always someone around to help me out. I'm glad to know that I can still do things myself. Not everything, of course, but more than I was thinking I could.

This past weekend I wanted to go to the Canal. I ended up not going, but I wish I had. Maybe next weekend. The issue will be how to get to the path; my regular parking area is way up on a hill, which I can probably get down but would be a pain to get back up. I haven't walked up a flight of stairs in weeks so I'm not sure how much of a strain it would be. I could go to the other parking area, which is level with the Canal, but that side of town isn't so great and I'm not sure I want to park my car there. Decisions, decisions.

In any case, I am going to live my life the best I can and do as much as I can, and take care of myself while I enjoy myself.

Lost in Augusta

I had pulled up to the light at the Wheeler Road exit from I-20 westbound and was enjoying the high 60s temperature and the breeze through my rolled-down window when the ladies in the SUV next to me called, "Ma'am?"

"Yeah?" I asked, turning down the volume on the Mega Man OC Remix I was listening to.

"Is Bobby Jones B up that way?" they said, pointing ahead.

"No, it was back there," I replied, cocking a thumb behind me.

"Thought so," one of them said ruefully. The light had changed by this time so we both started to pull forward.

"Oh," I yelled belatedly, "you can get to Bobby Jones by going straight this way." And I gestured down Wheeler Road, the way we were going.

We both made an effort to drive alongside each other as they yelled back, "This way?"

"Yeah, just keep going straight and you'll come to it."

Not long after that we got stopped at a light. "Is this taking us out of town?" one of them asked me.

"Well, no, it's sort of going back into town."

"We need to get out of town; we're headed back to Jesup, Georgia," one of the women said.

"Well, if you need Bobby Jones, it's right up there," I said, pointing again.

The light changed and we moved forward once again. I pulled away from them and was shortly making the turn towards my apartments.

"Good luck, ladies," I said as their SUV disappeared from view.

Not freaking out (yet)

I'm searching ""congestive heart failure" "life expectancy"" on Google. So far I'm finding a bunch of articles that say life expectancy depends on the severity of the failure and that life expectancy is shortened. I've only found one article that actually gives numbers, and it was last updated in 2003, so I'm not sure how much it can be trusted.

I think the word a sympathetic news anchor reporting on these numbers would use is "sobering".

Although many people with heart failure live for many years, up to 70% of people die of the disorder within 10 years. Life expectancy depends on how severe the heart failure is, whether its cause can be corrected, and which treatment is used. About half of people who have mild heart failure live at least 10 years, and about half of those who have severe heart failure live at least 2 years.

So, assuming this article is accurate, and assuming my heart failure is mild (which I think is a safe assumption given that I'm able to work), I still only have a 50/50 chance of living for just ten more years.

But I have to remind myself that four years have passed since this article was written. Maybe something is different now.

I will try not to freak out too much until I see my cardiologist next week and ask her about it.

However, if it turns out that not much has changed and I am not going to live much past a decade from now--if even that--then some things are going to have to change in my life. I won't be able to put off all the stuff I want to do until later. And I won't have to plan for retirement, either, which means I won't have to feel guilty about spending the money. The first priority will be moving back to Kentucky, and after that, getting to England to see Brooke, and getting back to Japan.

And of course, I will do my best to live as long as possible, which means listening to my doctors and taking care of myself. I can't eat like I've eaten my entire life anymore. I have to eat lean meats, vegetables, no fried food. No more desserts. A lot fewer starches/carbohydrates. Heart-healthy stuff. And I need to go ahead and get a treadmill because aerobic exercise is recommended, on days when I feel up to it.

I had a Slim-Fast for breakfast, a Chick-fil-A Cool Wrap with a fruit cup and Diet Dr Pepper for lunch, and a swordfish steak, baked potato, and steamed veggies for dinner, but while those were healthier options than my usual, I will need to move away from eating out as much as possible--it adds too much sodium.

There may be nothing to worry about; iVillage has a list of questions for CHF patients to ask their doctors, and one of them is "Is my heart failure likely to seriously affect my life expectancy?" which suggests that some heart failure might not (although maybe this question is there because it usually does, but I'm an optimist). But regardless of what I hear at the doctor's, I am going to work to make these changes in my life so I can be healthier.

I just wanted to tell you...

...that today, it was cold enough to wear a sweater and use the heater in my car. I was so happy.

Hee

I walked into the kitchen, stared around blankly for a few seconds, and then said aloud, "I don't keep my purse in the kitchen anymore. I need to remember that!"

As I stepped into the guest room, Sean called loudly, "Heather."

He never calls me by my first name, just like I hardly ever call him "Sean", so I paused for a moment to make sure I'd heard right.

"Yeah?" I said tentatively.

Deadpan, he informed me, "You don't keep your purse in the kitchen anymore."

This is how we get along ;> Sean seems to find me infinitely amusing. The other day I was looking at the kitchen floor and I said, "This floor never looks clean. I don't think it is clean. I think it's dirty!" And he could not stop laughing.

Totally badass

New furniture

While Mom was here I got a lot done that I'd been meaning to, including getting a dining room table and a reasonably-sized desk for the office/guest room. My wonderful mother assembled these pieces of furniture for me and she did an amazing job.

Here is my table, which is from the Sears Nigoshi collection:

And here's my desk, which is by Sauder and which we found at Office Depot:

The long drawer on the desk is hanging open because a part was missing, but the company sent it to us for free and it should be here soon. I'll take a new picture once I have it.

I am totally in love with all my new furniture. This plus the addition of my second DVD cabinet and the slight rearranging of the living room has made the apartment feel like a whole new place. I'm thrilled with how it all came out. It's so nice to walk in and feel like I'm in a real home, instead of just a place with stuff thrown into it.

Ugh, again

Yesterday started out a lot better than it ended. Mom was set to leave, but she was still in town when I wanted to have lunch, so we met up at Mikoto. She tried and enjoyed katsudon and I had teriyaki beef and sashimi. We got to say a real goodbye (I was a little grumpy and distracted that morning) and then we both headed off in different directions on I-20. Who knew that hours later I would feel so terrible?

Sometime in the afternoon I started seeing a weird effect through my right eye. I think it's happened in a mild form before. At first it was just a little dot, in the middle of my field of vision such that I had trouble reading. But then it got bigger and bigger until it was like I was trying to look through a swirling mass of water.

After awhile it went away, replaced by the worst headache I've ever had. I guess it was a migraine. I tried the only pain medicine we had left in the first aid kit at work, which was non-aspirin. It did nothing. I was to the point of tears when I told my boss how I was feeling, and she had Elgin drive me home in the Cruiser.

I took my medicine and a Motrin and went straight to bed. This was about 6:30 pm. I didn't wake up until a little after 4 this morning.

The headache's gone. I ate some cottage cheese and surfed the web and read webcomics. I think I will go back to sleep for a couple hours, then call work so someone can come pick me up.

Sleep study

It was a little before 9 when I arrived at the Children's Medical Center, signed in, and rode the elevator up to the fourth floor. I'd been told to use the phone in the lobby to tell someone I was there, but a man was already guiding a boy and his mother back to the sleep study area, so he let me in too. We walked past a nursing station and down a long hallway, then turned into another hallway. The man took the boy and his mother into the first door on the left, and told me to wait by the blue chairs up ahead for someone named Chris.

I had barely arrived at the chairs when a man came out of a room across the hall. "Are you Chris?" I asked.

"Yes."

"I'm Heather."

I'm so much more outgoing than I used to be. It still surprises me.

He stopped at a closet to pick up some clean linens for my room and then guided me back to where I was to spend the night. "This is like a dorm room," I said, because it was. It was about like the hospital rooms I lived in at Markey Cancer Center, only it was bigger and felt like it was trying to be hip. There was a closet door that was completely covered by a markerboard, for example, and a long couch under what looked like a giant window shade. I assumed there was a window behind it, but that might not actually have been the case.

After I filled out a sleep survey, I let Chris know how tired I was and he said I could go ahead and change and he'd get me wired up. I put on my T-shirt and shorts and took my evening meds, but I forgot to brush my teeth, which would annoy me quite a bit later as I was trying to sleep.

I sat in a chair and watched an episode of Family Guy as Chris wired me up. I had countless wires coming off my head and face, then two on my chest and two on each leg. There was also a thin wire under my nose to detect my breathing and a wire against my throat to record snoring. Chris put a big hairnet on me to hold the wires in place on my head. Once I got into bed, he put one of those clips on my finger as well, to detect oxygen levels or something.

I had to start out on my back. The room was totally dark, but there was an intercom so Chris could hear me and a video camera recording everything I did. We had to calibrate before I could go to sleep; Chris told me over the intercom to hold my eyes open and stare straight ahead, close them and stare straight ahead, look side to side and up and down, hold my breath, breathe normally, and move my feet. After that I was supposed to go to sleep, but I was a little too excited to calm down right away. I thought that the whole experience was really neat and I was anticipating falling asleep, which makes no sense. Eventually I was able to sleep, fortunately.

About every hour and a half or so I would wake up having to go to the bathroom, and at the same time I would get severe leg cramps. I'd have to call Chris to come in and unplug me so I could stand up, use the facilities, and pace around to get my muscles to stop clenching. It wasn't particularly restful. Mom says the cramps might have been exacerbated by how cold it was in the room; it was pretty freaking cold. Regardless, it wasn't particularly pleasant. Plus, with all the wires on it was difficult to shift my sleeping position from back to side, so that was annoying.

Chris was fun though; he had lots of good stories and jokes and was just interesting in general. I guess you have to be to work in a sleep center, which is a weird and kind of spooky place.

The fourth time I woke up, Chris told me it was about one minute to 6 and we could just calibrate again and then I could be done. This was a relief, but it still took forever to calm my muscles down. Finally we finished up, and he pulled all the wires off and tried to clean the gunk away with some wipes--the gunk was like white oobleck, if you ever created that stuff in middle school. Then I changed into my long pants and cleaned up as best I could and brushed my teeth and took my morning pills, and I was out of there.

On the drive home I thought about being considerate and picking up some McDonald's for Mom and Sean, but ultimately I decided to just go home and go to bed, and that's what I did. I had a little cramping, but nothing too serious, and I was able to sleep until around 10:30 (although I think I did go to the bathroom somewhere in the middle).

It was an interesting experience, to be sure. I'd like to know what all they learned about my sleeping patterns, if anything. Hopefully the frequent bathroom breaks and cramping didn't affect the results too much.

We should have the results in a few weeks.

Living

Things are going well. Mom has been able to stay longer than I originally thought she could, which has been so great. She actually dusted my apartment. I don't think that has been done since we moved in.

But seriously, it is so nice to have her here. A lot of people don't get along with their mothers, which is such a shame. My mom is just wonderful. She was strict enough when we were kids and when we became adults she treated us like adults. Now she's my friend and my mom, which is just neat. We can sit and enjoy a good conversation or go out together and have fun, but then when I'm sick or upset I can snuggle in for a good Mommy hug.

Plus, it feels so good to have someone take care of you. Sean and I are both really independent, and while we do take care of each other, we're not doting. And I don't really want to be doted on by him. I know he loves me; I want him to do his own thing and be his own person. But occasionally I do like to just relax and be coddled, and while I can ask Sean to take care of me sometimes, my mom will instinctively know what to do and just go ahead and do it. It's such a comfort. I'll really miss her when she goes back home.

Monday I felt all right up until the end of the day, at which point I got really tired. Tuesday, though, I felt great the whole day, such that I ran errands on my way home and then tidied up the apartment. Yesterday was another okay day. I haven't had any moments this week where I've had to stop and gasp for breath, probably because I've been careful not to exert myself too much, but there have been times when I've been tired. At those times I just put my head down for a few minutes to recharge and I'm usually fine.

I've been sleeping all right, too. Last night and the night before I decided to skip the Flonase to see if that would help with how I seem to lose my voice when I'm at work. And it did seem to help yesterday; I wasn't nearly as hoarse. I think I can probably stop using the Flonase. Conveniently enough I have a doctor's appointment this morning, so I will ask him when I go.

I'll also be asking him if a sleep study is actually necessary--it probably isn't, so I should be able to cancel it, which will be good. I'm not sure how much of that insurance was going to cover :>

Later today I'm seeing the cardiologist again, and she said she might prescribe a third heart medication.

The next steps I need to take care of are organizing exercise and diet. I need to get a treadmill so I can walk indoors, and I need to figure out a good plan so I can eat heart-healthy foods and maybe lose some weight. It's funny to try and lose weight at a time when I can't really exert myself, but whatever ;>

Beyond the health stuff, there are a couple other things I want to do soon. First, Mom wants to buy me a new cell phone so I can take movies and pictures. Sean and I had a ridiculous experience at the Sprint store this past weekend--we were all ready to buy this brand new phone, but their system wouldn't let us buy it!--so we may change carriers. Hopefully we can make that decision this weekend.

The next thing is to get a dining room table, because I am planning on hosting Thanksgiving. I know the exact table I want, so I should probably just go ahead and order it. The problem will be finding chairs...the chairs that come with the set don't do it for me. We'll have to see how that goes.

I also need to get a desk and a file cabinet, or maybe just a desk with a file drawer, for the multipurpose room, so I can get all our paperwork off the floor. (I gave Gargantua the Monster Desk to Rex from work.)

Mom keeps asking me why I haven't bought an electric piano...I guess I just don't feel comfortable spending thousands of dollars when I'm not sure I'll be dedicated to it.

Grandma Flo called and offered to clean our apartment for me once a week, which is going to be a huge help. I'm going to see her on Saturday and work the details out. Also on Saturday, I think Mom and I are going to the mall. Maybe we can all go together...we'll have to see. Then, that evening when Sean's up, maybe we can figure out the cell phone thing.

And that's pretty much what's been going on. I feel fine on the whole, I have an idea of how things are going to work from now on, and I should be getting more details worked out today with my doctors. So there you have it.

Moving forward

The response to my diagnosis by the people who have responded so far has been interesting. There are some people who are incredibly upbeat--either they are just trying to cheer me up or they seriously don't think it's that big a deal. There are people who are seriously freaking out. And there's the middle ground, which is where I am, where you just kind of say yes, this sucks, and I'm going to roll with it.

Today my mom did me a huge favor and assembled a DVD cabinet that has been sitting in a box in the hallway for 14 months. Then she rearranged all the furniture so it was to my liking. My mom is awesome.

As for me, I got so tired after putting a few DVDs into the cabinet that I had to take a nap :P

I have congestive heart failure.

It's official after my echo cardiogram this afternoon. Where a normal heart pumps about 55% of the blood out of the ventricle at a time, mine is doing somewhere around 15% to 20%. This explains the freakish swelling in my legs and my overwhelming fatigue.

This could be an extremely delayed reaction to chemotherapy. It could have also been caused by the gastroenteritis I had awhile back, since viral infections are known to decrease heart function. My doctor, an intelligent, well-spoken woman we'll call Dr. G, says we'll never know.

Treatment is drugs. Dr. G says she doesn't think a biopsy is necessary, but she doubled the heart medicines my GP put me on and is adding a third starting next week after she sees me again.

I am still able to work and go about my life, but I have to refrain from strenuous activity, heavy lifting, etc.

If all goes well, my heart will start to heal in a few months.

If all doesn't go well, who knows what might happen. My mom is understandably upset because something similar happened to her sister Carol: she had a viral infection that led to decreased heart function. In her case, the drugs didn't work, and she ended up having a heart transplant.

(Aunt Carol is doing fine, although she seems to have circulation problems in her legs if she sits for too long. Aunt Carol is also a lot older than me.)

I, being young and naive, am not particularly worried about recovering from this, but I am extremely pissed off at my life right now. Okay, so, first, we lose everything we own in an apartment fire--lifelong memories that are, frankly, irreplaceable. Then, the best friend I made in Augusta moves to a completely different country. Meanwhile, my large family who I love and desperately want to spend time with all live eight hours away. I finally start to think I can deal with being infertile, only to stupidly take a home pregnancy test...that turns out to be a false positive. The worst day of my life. And then I go in today and have a completely different kind of ultrasound and find out I can't even take care of myself anymore. I can't do big-time grocery shopping. I can't assemble or move furniture. I can't go wherever I want whenever I want. No biking, no long walks, nothing, because I'm physically incapable of doing it. And it's not going to be fixed anytime soon.

So here I am trapped away from family and friends unable to take care of myself, but still well enough to work, so I have to drag myself out of bed every day and try not to pass out for eight hours so I don't lose my job.

This is not the kind of existence I was hoping for when I moved here.

Congestive heart failure, come on down!

You're the next contestant on What the Hell's Wrong with Heather?!

Yes, that's the current theory. Heart failure. Due to chemotherapy. Apparently it can happen years later, and suddenly.

It could also be a clog in the vena cava filter that was installed as a preemptive measure after a surgery I had.

Either way, it's a little different from acid reflux, isn't it?

Boy I'm glad Mom's here to talk to the doctors...

Ugh

I've had a horrible neckache on the right side of my neck, going from under my ear down onto my shoulder, for three days now. It doesn't seem to be swollen, and my lymph nodes are normal, so I guess I just slept on my neck funny...but it sure is taking a long time to recover. Last night it made it very hard to get comfortable while I was trying to sleep.

Then, at around 5:30, I woke up feeling as though my throat was closing up. I went and hacked up a bunch of mucus, and I sprayed saline up my nose several times, but nothing seemed to help. Finally I took some Benadryl in the hopes that the drying out of my throat would leave a passage open. It took a long time for me to get back to sleep, but that seemed to work.

Unfortunately, I woke up with severe dry mouth, almost to the point of pain, and my throat still feels like it's partially closed or like there's something in there. Swallowing against it hurts my neck, too.

I did discover something helpful last night: if I leave the bathroom fan on, I can't hear Sean talking in the next room.

A day of recovery

I'm enjoying a quiet morning, waiting for the Advil to eliminate the pain of the neckache I developed in my sleep. It's diminished a little, but boy does it ever hurt when I sneeze!

At around 11 I'm supposed to meet up with Brooke and Mari (and others?) at the Olive Garden, which will be nice. I hardly ever go there, since Sean isn't big into Italian, but I really like it. Should be fun.

One thing I am really happy about right now is that Mom is coming to visit me. She has been so wonderful online and on the phone, but I really want to see her in person, and I can't take any time off since I've already put my vacation days on the week of Christmas. So she's going to come here, which is great because she hasn't seen this apartment in person. She really hasn't seen a whole lot of Augusta. Hopefully I will feel well enough to show her around all my favorite places.

Yesterday I could have spent a fair amount of time with Brooke, but my sleep schedule was messed up and I was depressed and I didn't want to go anywhere, so I just stayed home and read/watched Detective Conan. I think I needed a day to just do nothing. I feel better today.

Brooke wants me to go to Columbia with her this afternoon to visit her brother's family, which I may just do. Apparently there will be barbecue, yum.

Bad dream

I guess it was only a matter of time until constantly reading about grotesque murders in Detective Conan comics brought some horror into my dreams.

Last night I dreamed I was watching some TV show where the people who owned a particular bar pretty much owned the town they lived in. In the particular scene I was watching, they were trying to hire a media producer to create videos.

"I want to do ballads," he said, but he was informed that he would not be doing ballads. I think he decided that he could handle doing whatever they wanted, as the pay was something like $450,000 a year.

The place was apparently called Hyde Bar (so said the menu board over the bar) and you could get a newspaper there for $1.75.

The trouble started when the sheriff showed up and started interfering with whatever it was the owner wanted to do. He got beaten up and shoved into this room where a band was playing really loud rock music. Later someone else pissed the owners off too.

The final scene involved seeing three purple, decaying bodies--which I knew belonged to the people who'd tried to interfere, the two I'd seen and someone else--strapped to the wall of a dungeon, with a spooky harpsichord melody that I think came from Prisoner of Azkaban. One of the bodies was missing a leg, which was attached to its own horizontal pole. The way the bodies were strung up in various positions made them look like trophies.

That's when I woke up.

Yuck.

Detective Conan 411

So, Agasa-hakase and Haibara make up a code to lead the Detective Boys to a treasure, and even Conan can't figure it out. He's sitting there in the tent at their campsite staring at the code. The others, who've given up long before, are impatient for him to give up too so the professor will just explain the code and show them the treasure.

And Mitsuhiko says, "Things like this happen once in awhile," and then he absolutely cackles.

Hands down one of the funniest things evar.

In fact, it's so funny, I made a wav of it for you. Enjoy!

Edit: Okay, I couldn't stand it anymore...I had to make a wav of just the laugh. Perfect for infinite loop. Here you go.

"The agriculture ministry is not in charge of Gundam"

Japan officials warned over Wikipedia

A Japanese bureaucrat has been reprimanded for shirking his duties to make hundreds of Wikipedia contributions about toy robots, officials said Friday.

The agriculture ministry said the bureaucrat, whose name was not released, contributed 260 times to the Japanese-language Wikipedia entry on Gundam, a popular, long-running animated series about giant robots that has spun off intricate toys popular among children and adults who belong to the so-called "otaku culture" of fascination with comic books, animation and robots.

"The agriculture ministry is not in charge of Gundam," ministry official Tsutomu Shimomura said.

The agriculture ministry verbally reprimanded five other bureaucrats who contributed to entries on movies, typographical mistakes in billboard signs and local politics. The six employees together made 408 entries on the popular Internet encyclopedia from ministry computers since 2003.

The ministry did not object to employees making limited contributions on World Trade Organization and free trade agreements.

A whiny ramble--feel free to skip

So, I'm pretty miserable.

Aside from being horribly depressed, I keep coughing, and my left foot is huge and swollen and purple from where I kept it crammed into a dress shoe all day. I also started having abdominal pain again on my way home (early; my boss said I could finish up remotely). This morning I coughed up snot for the first time in awhile; last night I forgot to Flonase, but I'm not sure if that's related.

I had a bad dream right before I woke up this morning, in which Sean basically informed me that I existed to amuse him, and when I tried to leave, he threatened violence, so I headbutted him and then grabbed him hard in a very sensitive place. But as this was happening, dream-me thought that maybe this was all pretend, so I shouldn't hurt him too badly.

Then I woke up.

When I told Sean about the pregnancy test last night I had already been asleep for awhile, and I woke up when I heard him settling in in the living room. He said the same thing AJ did: "Don't get your hopes up." And like I said before, I really thought I wasn't. But apparently I did a lousy job.

The nurse said that false positives hardly ever happen; it's usually false negatives. I looked up false positives online and it said they are usually due to taking fertility drug shots, which I have not done recently. I guess the test was just defective.

Pretty lame. Oh well, yet another bad memory to add to the pile. I've been thinking about writing a timeline of all the bad things that have happened in my life, but I'm pretty sure that would be counterproductive. Not to mention whiny.

I should be thankful I'm alive, and have such a great family, and a cute and sweet husband who loves me, and a job I enjoy, and enough money to be able to save and eat out and have fun.

It's funny, I had decided recently that I was just going to assume I couldn't have children, because I figured that would be easier. But I guess I never fully embraced that path, because I was so susceptible to the idea when the nurse (who apparently knew nothing of my situation) asked, "Do you think you might be pregnant?" It took a week or two, but then, like a moron, I looked into it.

And then, like a moron, I posted about stat labs on Twitter, and that made Mom wonder why I needed stat labs, and so I ended up telling her, and she was at the farm with Dad and Ben and Manda so they all found out, and so I called AJ because everyone else knew...and I originally wasn't going to tell anyone until I'd had a blood test. I'd had one that morning but it turned out the lab couldn't do them stat, so those results will actually be in tomorrow, and it was too late to get them done by the time I found out, so I had to wait and do them this morning. And I guess I just got upset and frustrated and nervous from all the waiting and ended up blowing it, and I got Mom's hopes up.

Damn it.

When the nurse called to tell me, I didn't want to talk to anyone, so I just sent Sean and Mom a text message about it. Mom called back and I may have been rude. I just tried not to think about it for as long as I could for the rest of the day. But of course, eventually it overwhelmed me, because I'm a stupid wuss, so here I am, sitting at home gushing in stream of consciousness on my blog when I should still be at work. That frustrates me too, because I've been sick so much lately, and I was just getting back to being the kind of employee I strive to be. And now this.

I think life likes to let me rise up before it kicks me back down. Maybe it's more amusing that way. This time I feel like I was crouched on wobbly legs when it hit.

Whine, whine, whine. Let's take a step back. What have we learned here? I was told years ago when I first went to an endocrinologist that my chances of being fertile were low, especially if I couldn't have my own periods. I started out taking hormones, but after awhile I decided I was tired of pills and wanted to be normal, so I just stopped taking them. (Good job.) Five years later, I have a period out of the blue, which is likely a menopausal flushing of all the lining that had built up for those years. I take this as a sign that my body is curing itself, instead. My doctors tell me otherwise but I am apparently incapable of comprehension. I start back on hormones religiously and take pregnancy tests anytime I start to feel "weird". They are all, of course, negative. I get frustrated. After my doctor leaves her practice, I let everything slide again. But after awhile I decide I want to get back on track with my health, so I find a new doctor. She tells me that the chances of someone who's had chemotherapy regaining ovarian function after this long are practically zero. I feel like I can maybe move on. Then she adds, "But miracles do happen." I have grown to hate this phrase because it gives me hope.

That brings us to now. I have weird symptoms where I get overly tired just walking from my office to my car. I have chest pains. I seem to not be breathing properly at night, and sometimes during the day. Flonase, saline spray, and elevating my head seems to help with sleeping, but does nothing for the weird day breathing. Eventually I started getting bloated in my legs and hips. I also occasionally experience abdominal pain, at one point so bad I threw up. I am often so hot that the only thing that helps is sticking my head and arms into the freezer.

Of course I think the hotness is a menopausal symptom, but I have put off starting my hormones because I thought I had a drug interaction one day when I threw up. I'm still not sure what happened there.

In discussing my various symptoms with my various doctors, the nurse at the endocrinologist's office asks the fatal question, the question I've been asking myself. "That's supposed to be impossible," I say, keeping my voice level. "But I suppose I could check." And eventually I do. And for some fucked up reason it says "Pregnant".

Why would you do this to me? I mean really. What is the point?

Maybe the point is that I should just have a hysterectomy so I can stop worrying about it. (Or I could stop having sex, but I doubt Sean will get on board for that.)

Your host, dear readers, is a moron

Hahahahaha, I did it to myself again! I let myself believe it was possible. At least this time I had a decent reason--the pee test SAID "Pregnant", it didn't say "Not Pregnant".

But whatever!

I do promise that I tried very hard not to get excited. I was even marginally successful! But you know what, I honestly thought when they called with the blood test results that they would say "Congratulations."

[Edit:] My family sent me flowers. They're pretty.

The most annoying kind of limbo

I'm having kind of a rough day, for reasons, annoyingly enough, I cannot explain to you! I will explain them eventually, though, so don't worry.

My mood made me want to be anywhere but work for most of my shift, which is not a fun feeling to have when you're trying to get things done.

One good point was that I went to Boll Weevil with Brooke and had the Curious George sandwich and potato soup, which was yummy. Also, their tea was good today. As a further bonus, Brooke is coming over a little later to hang out. Maybe we'll watch the Detective Conan movie. I understand lime sherbet will be involved as well.

Right now I'm just going to veg out on the couch, read some manga, eat some cottage cheese, and try to relax.

Better and better

I'm still coughing, with the addition of burping, sneezing and occasionally an extraordinarily itchy nose, but I feel so much better. You have no idea. I was downright cheerful at work. "There's that smile!" my boss said. I threw myself into what I needed to do and dug through some backlogged projects as well, and set up some meetings for tomorrow with what might be described as zeal. It feels so good to be able to get motivated without feeling sick!

I've still got symptoms, don't get me wrong. The throat gunk still makes an appearance and it still tastes gross. But my overall tiredness seems to be passing.

Part of this, I'm sure, is just that I'm so happy that I'm going to see Brooke tomorrow, and get to spend time with her all week. She's promised to come spend the night here one night, and I'm looking forward to watching a couple of our favorite episodes of Kyou Kara Maou. I also think I'll introduce her to Detective Conan by way of The Case of the Time-Bombed Skyscraper, because that is a fabulous movie. I will even allow the dub (though a rather important line is changed at the end).

I think I also told her I was going to show her the first two DVDs of KareKano, and I might try to do that, but it's not a high priority. What is a high priority, apparently, is eating curry and lime sherbet! And I am down with that.

Pajama party!

Today I felt good enough after work to run some errands, including picking up some more prescriptions and going to the grocery. I got more cottage cheese and milk, and a head of broccoli and some potatoes, and a bag of salad, and a bunch of noodles, and some soup. I also bought two pie dishes and two pie crusts, which I hope to use at Thanksgiving...I'm tentatively hoping to host it here, assuming I can figure out where people would sit to eat.

The most exciting thing about the shopping experience was where I went. I decided to try the Columbia Road Kroger, mainly because of the fact that I was leaving the Bobby Jones Walgreens. I figured it might not be as much of a hole as the Wrightsboro Road Kroger.

And wow, is that an understatement.

Dude, the Columbia Road Kroger is upscale. Seriously, they have a Starbucks in there. The deli is gorgeous, the aisles are wide and fully stocked, and they have literally everything I look for in a grocery store. They even carry the brand of rice I like, which normally I have to go to Asian groceries for! And I was finally able to find rolled up, refrigerated pie shells...I haven't seen them at Evans Wal-Mart, well, ever, and I'm still not sure why.

The produce section was well-stocked and everything looked delicious. And they had pumpkins. For $5! They were so cute, I bought two. Not too big, not too small, the perfect size for sitting around to remind me that it's fall. (Or that it should be fall, anyway.) I saw a neat idea about using doilies as painting stencils for pumpkins in this month's BH&G, which I may try out.

Wow, it is just so cool to feel like I have energy, and to be so enthusiastic about things again.

When I say "feel like I have energy", I mean that while I am starting to feel like my old self, I'm still getting exhausted after minimal exertion. I don't know if I buy Dr. B's "out of shape" argument, at least not entirely. We'll have to wait until all the GERD symptoms are handled before I can be sure. But that walk through the grocery store certainly wore me out.

The second coolest thing about the shopping experience was running into a former coworker, Rebecca, in the parking lot. I could feel my skin turning clammy and sweaty while we were standing there talking and I felt so gross. But it was still cool to see her, and meet her boyfriend.

When I got home I had planned on making spaghetti, but it took a lot out of me to get the groceries inside and put away, so I decided to relax instead, and ate some Kroger brand cottage cheese a little later. It was oh so good. I followed it up with a small glass of delicious apple juice. Ahhh, this is life.

Since I won't have any errands holding me back tomorrow, I should be able to make the spaghetti. Mmm.

That's another thing that's been nice...finally feeling up to eating regular food, instead of just warm or cool smooth things.

I also have a theory about the acne. During much of this time, it has been gross to drink water due to the throat gunk. It was just like drinking the taste of throat gunk. So I'm pretty sure I was dehydrated like crazy, and I think that did bad things to my skin. Yesterday I started drinking a lot of water, and the acne seems to be declining. Thank goodness.

Upswing?

Hi there!

So last night, around the time I should have been going to bed, it occurred to me that I felt better.

I had done nothing all day but read manga and articles about pop culture over at Cracked. For most of the day I was miserable, feeling tired and gaggy and dizzy when I stood up. I'd managed a few bites of my dinner--steak, from a Mexican restaurant--and was just trying to keep it down. But all of a sudden that wasn't an issue anymore. In fact, I found myself hungry again.

I ate a little more of my food, and I also ate a bowl of strawberry mini wheats cereal, while I continued reading and chatting with friends. It was a lot of fun. I stayed up extremely late, just reveling in not wanting to die. I told Brooke, who by that time had awakened for her Sunday morning, that I was afraid that if I went to sleep I would feel bad again. But eventually tiredness won out and I crawled under the covers.

I awoke not feeling crappy. In fact, I felt good enough to actually do things, like clean up the sink area in my bathroom, load and start the dishwasher, and start a load of laundry. I have the gross taste in my mouth, and a bit of sinus pressure, but I don't feel overwhelmed by it.

I read about Kimono Karen's amazing trip to Hawaii and for the first time in weeks thought that maybe I will be healthy enough to do something like that someday. That's pretty big given that just yesterday, when I was miserable, I realized I no longer felt like I could do anything I wanted to.

"Do I really feel better?" I wondered last night. "Or do I just think I feel better?" Then a better question occurred to me: "Does it matter?"

What the doctor said

Without running any additional labs or calling for any tests or procedures, my doctor decided today that I have acid reflux, which would explain the chest pain, why my voice is all wonky, and why I wake up coughing and have a gaggy feeling in my throat during the day. I asked him about the foot swelling, and he examined my feet and noted that there was indeed swelling, and said he thought it was because of too much salt in my diet. He said to take a double dose of the blood pressure medicine on days when I had swelling.

I asked him if being exhausted all the time was simply due to being out of shape. "Yes," he said, "and also because you're not sleeping well. I am convinced that you have sleep apnea." So the sleep study is on for October 19.

He prescribed me Nexium and I went home and took one. I had some pain in my upper back on the right-hand side, in the muscle I use when carrying my purse over my arm, and it seemed to just keep getting worse and worse, so I also took some Advil, and then I went to work.

My voice was still wonky, and I was tired, but I felt okay. I ended up not eating anything all day, though, because I kept putting off my lunch break until it was suddenly the end of the day.

After work I went to Wild Wing Cafe with Gene, Chris T., Chris C., and Gene's friend Mason, and eventually Kelsey and Shalah showed up. I ordered spinach dip, which was great, but the chips started to be too dry for my throat so I stopped eating it, and potato soup, which was terrible--it was like someone had pureed a loaded baked potato :P No one makes potato soup like Dad, I guess.

I was hoping to feel better as the night went on, but I just felt worse, and my back started hurting again, so I skipped out as early as I possibly could (our waiter was terrible and took his sweet time with my check). I picked up some dinner for Sean on the way home and crawled into bed almost immediately, trying to find a good position for my back. I called Mom and talked with her a little while before finally going to sleep.

I'm not sure why I'm awake now, but my back is feeling better, and I'm a little thirsty. I went ahead and did the football stuff for work that I have to do every Friday night/Saturday morning during the season, and now I think I'll drink some water and go back to bed.

Makin' it somehow

Twitter has been down all day, which is annoying because I like to use it to dash off quick complaints. Earlier, for example, I wanted to bitch about this production dude who decided to recite for me a complete plot synopsis of some anime he really likes. Yes, I enjoy anime, but you are boring the hell out of me. Shut up!

Time seemed to be moving awfully slowly this morning. It started when I was in bed waiting for my alarm to go off. The light coming in around the curtain in the bedroom looked the same every time I looked at it. I kept falling asleep and waking back up and still feeling tired but knowing I was going to have to get up "soon". Finally at 8:30 I actually checked the time and got up.

The first two hours of work were like two weeks. Very tired, trouble concentrating, and later, mild abdominal pain. I took the opportunity to call my doctors and create a game plan for tomorrow.

Today's symptoms include: coughing, nausea, gross taste in my throat, mild headache, mild abdominal pain, occasional burping, general feeling of tiredness. As usual, mild exertion exhausts me and I have to sit down for awhile to recover and catch my breath. When I woke up this morning, the wet raspiness was back in my throat and lungs. Also, I don't know if I've mentioned this at all, but I have had so much acne since this all started. It is driving me crazy. It seems like every time I look in the mirror there are five more zits.

Seeing my GP tomorrow morning to demand that he actually order some tests. Like a meeting with a cardiologist, and a chest X-ray, and more labs, and whatever else I can think of before then. I'm going to bring in my calendar with all my symptoms for this month written in it, to see if that will help him think of anything we've missed. I'm supposed to call my endocrinologist after that appointment and let them in on everything that's happening, so they can decide whether or not I should resume hormones.

My boss is back from Japan. I had asked her to see if she could find me a protection charm for my car, but apparently she didn't visit any shrines. She did, however, bring me a beautiful floral pattern drawstring bag and a cute bookmark with a paper girl sculpted on it, both handmade by her aunt, and she also brought me an adorable little desk ornament of an owl. It's hard to describe the thing. There's a big ball that sits on the desk, and out of that comes half a hoop of black wire, and then hanging off that is a smaller straight piece of wire, and on one end is the little round owl, and on the other are two colored balls to balance him. It's neat and it moves around with the air conditioning or with any vibrations on the desk.

She came in to talk to me today and told me that health has to be my first priority, because if we don't have our health, we don't have anything. It's a total cliche, but I know full well how true it is. I have never been so miserable in my life--well, maybe when I was hospitalized with cancer, but at least then I knew what I was in for and didn't fight every day to get things done.

I'm really lucky to have such a good boss. I hope I can get all this straightened out so I can go back to being the kind of employee I want to be--the kind of employee my boss deserves to have working for her.